Choose Purpose: Choose Life

1.?Why Choice is Critical

Imagine these two scenarios and how each makes you feel. In the first one, you have been diagnosed with a kidney disease requiring a nephrectomy. You undergo an operation, and the surgeons remove one of your kidneys. In the second scenario, someone you love deeply, perhaps your child, is diagnosed with kidney failure and needs a transplant. You decide to donate one of your kidneys. You go into surgery, and the doctors save that person’s life. In both circumstances, you went through surgery and lost a kidney. Why would you feel so different about each story?

Our freedom to choose and our motivations are critical for our sense of meaning. If someone has no choice, we don’t ask why they did what they did. We cannot speak of motivations, drives, or needs. There is no purpose.

To live a more purposeful life, we need to choose how we use who we are and what we know to do good in the world every day. We need to choose to make a difference in other people’s lives. Some might feel that they can’t do it. They don’t have the time, knowledge, or where to start. These are barriers that we can go around or through. We can always choose to make the time, build the knowledge and skills, and begin in small steps because the most effective way to give up your power and choice is to think that you don’t have any.

2.?We (Almost) Always Have a Choice

I’d argue that most of the time, we have a choice, as minor as it may be. The difference between democracy and dictatorship can be just one more option. Even a choice between two terrible outcomes is a choice. A person held at gunpoint can still choose – a dreadful choice between giving up one’s life and doing something against one's will, but it’s still a choice.

Every day we decide to continue living, we make a powerful positive choice. ‘Today I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life.’ Notwithstanding people’s genuine struggles, mental issues, disabilities, or human rights violations, I believe that we need to examine what choices are open to us in every scenario to find our purpose.

Viktor Frankl described the power of choice, even in the most unspeakable circumstances, when he was a prisoner in Auschwitz. In his remarkable book, A Man’s Search for Meaning, he shares how he once had a realisation. The Nazis took absolutely everything from him – his freedom, loved ones, job, shoes, hair. Still, they could not take away his choice of what kind of a person he wanted to be. With this insight, Frankl could retain the humanity stripped from him.

This is not an easy task, and we cannot all do what Frankl did, but the practice of perceived choice is critical for our ability to live a meaningful life. We can choose peace over anger. We can focus on the good in humanity, even in dark times. We can choose to find the time and do something meaningful with our life and work.

3.?Perceived Choice

Even in difficult situations, we can still focus on what choice we still have. We might even imagine it if it helps.

Frankl also shares a moving story about a man who lost his wife and came to Frankl for grief therapy and advice. Frankl asked the man what would have happened if he had passed away first. ‘That would have been devastating, said the grief-stricken husband. ‘She wouldn’t be able to cope.’ Frankl then suggests that the man sees the situation as if outliving her was an act of love, giving him some relief from the pain.

I call this ‘imagined choice’, which is a valuable exercise. Even if we had no choice in our trauma, what happens if we imagine we had? In 2016, I broke my ankle and was bed-bound for months, and my choice was limited in how I reacted to the situation. But it was still there. Although I didn’t always manage a positive mindset (in fact, I suffered from depression), I used to imagine choosing this situation over the same thing happening to my daughter.

Who we are is the product of the thousands of selections we’ve made. Roads taken (or not) lead us to where and who we are. To live a more purposeful life, we need to reflect on our past, present, and future and ensure that from now on, we choose to act according to our purpose and values. As the great teacher said in the 2017 film Wonder, ‘When given a choice between being right and being kind, choose kind’. There is always a choice.

So, what choice do you have in life? How can you use it to help you in your purpose journey?

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