Choose to Challenge

This year's International Women's Day theme is "Choose to Challenge". This resonates deeply; it's a theme I've been trying to live by for the past few years. I've been doing a series of posts on Instagram and LinkedIn about this, and realised there was value in putting this information together in a post.

Why do we need to talk about this? It's a valid question, certainly so because we've seen great strides towards gender equality in the past few years. Unfortunately, we're not there yet. The future may be female; but the present most certainly is not.

Ask any woman you know and she'll certainly have examples to share. A sample (by no means exhaustive) from my own experience:

• Moving back to Kenya and interviewing for a role at one of the biggest companies in the country—and being asked why, as a woman, I was interested in that space, and "wouldn't I rather work work in marketing or beauty or something like that?"
• Getting into McKinsey and having someone ask me "What's next?" By which they meant, that's all well and good, but when're you getting married?
• Sitting down for feedback with a supervisor and hearing "I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but you're quite confident for a woman."

I could speak at length about examples like these, I could point to lots of research that shares data on this issue, but I'd like to delve into something else: How do we actually choose to challenge these mindsets? Three things come to mind; we need to actively challenge myths pervasive in our social and professional culture, we need to speak out and role model at work, and we need to support choosing to challenge at home, with family, with friends.

Challenging myths

Why is it important to do this? Often, it's surprising how few people are even aware of these. We can only begin to address issues after we bring them from our collective unconsciousness to our collective consciousness. Examples of such myths:

• Our worth is tied to our productivity: This is a tough one to decouple, but so important to remember. Women especially suffer from proliferation of this mindset because often, we don't have (explicit or implicit) permission to draw on the energy we need to be productive and function, and we also do not often have access to tools to manage the energy we put out. This often means that well-being is at the bottom of the priority list—when it should actually be at the top. I've been giving some talks to various networks recently on this topic, and it's surprising how new the information presented is to many in the audience.
• Women must carry the burden of unpaid care: Not just in the home, but in the workplace. Look around you to see and call out the employees that do this, from being willing to give their time to those who need it to volunteering for committees and initiatives. Ask yourselves: Does participating in this accelerate my career more than it does (or even equal to) that of my male colleagues?
• Women must act in a certain way that's feminine: Qualities we value in leaders, on the other hand, are not feminine. This is why, for example, when women are strong and commanding (qualities usually valued in leaders), they are often labelled as 'bossy', 'aggressive, even 'bitchy', because they are stepping out of what's traditionally seen as feminine.

Speaking out and role modelling at work

When we see examples of women being treated differently at work, do we speak out? Before speaking out, do we even recognise these?

It's surprising how powerful it can be to simply give voice to things we take for granted; such as the expectation of women to provide unpaid care in the workplace. Call it out. Ask why she's doing it. Ask how her male colleagues can help. Look at social committees that are formed, events that are being planned, minutes that are being taken, and assess the gender balance in participation. It's as simple as asking someone: Why are you doing this? I remember doing this when a senior woman I worked with stood up mid-meeting to fetch chairs for two men who had walked in late. We still talk about it to date.

If you're in a visible position, leadership or not, it can be powerful to role model the kinds of behaviours we need in the workplace. I've been fortunate to have mentors and colleagues who have done these. For example, if it's a team birthday, having the managing partner of the office step forward and assist the (mostly) women who're cutting and serving can set a powerful example (thanks Kartik!). Telling your mentee that the feedback she received was not okay (thanks Uzayr!) can help her validate those feelings of discomfort. Calling out women being interrupted and helping them amplify their points when mansplaining (inevitably) happens can boost her confidence. Assigning women to projects in traditionally male dominated fields can help us move towards gender equality faster than we would have otherwise.

Choose to challenge at home, with family, and friends

Unfortunately, the actions above will have no impact if we do not choose to challenge in our homes, our friend circles, our social spheres of influence. Sharing articles, committing to elevating women colleagues, inviting your female colleague to the table are all well and good; but what happens when you go home? Odds are, she has a whole second job to take care of.

Paying lip service to the idea of gender equality is easy. Actively working towards it is not. If you're a man who chooses to do so, I wouldn't be surprised if those in your homes and social circles jeer at you (I've seen this firsthand) for being "less of a man". Persevere. Be an equal participant at home. Parents, give your daughters the same opportunities (including toys!) and praise you would your sons. A quick way to do this is to think about things that have gendered marketing; do they really need to be that way? Why can't your son play with dolls or a cooking set? Why can't your daughter play with a building set?

As they get older, girls will be exposed to a world with stereotypes, a world that's gendered. Support her through this, and protect her from harsh feedback she may receive from those who're not quite where you are.

In addition to all I've laid out before, one of the best things we can do is to educate ourselves, and this is not just for the men. Gender inequality is (knowingly and unknowingly) perpetuated by everyone, and amplified by systems put into place. There are plenty of books, talks, research out there that can teach you how to dismantle these. Choose to engage.

We have a long way to go; but I'm confident that we can get there. Choose to challenge.