Choices
This morning I came across Denise Restauri's short article titled: 'What I Did When My Boss Threw a Stapler at My Head' (link above). Her story made me think of my first jobs out of college and some situations I have faced in my professional career to date.
We've all been there. At work. At home. In life.
I think that one of the biggest ways we fail ourselves is by misjudging our freedom: taking liberties when we are not entitled to them, and feeling trapped when we have choices.
Life is too short to remain in a toxic environment.
No goal, no ideal, no commitment, no loyalty, no amount of money and no past, present or future guilt is worth sacrificing your sanity and peace of mind.
There are far too many social ills and evils in the world to exhaust yourself prematurely.
Think of it this way: your time, energy and efforts would be far better spent elsewhere. And, if you don't believe that, consider the possibility that moving to more positive surroundings will free your mind and spirit so you can heal from the damage being inflicted upon you.
Damage?
Yes.
When you are in survival mode, you are focused on just that: surviving. You are not living. You are not enjoying. You are not feeling. By definition, you must detach yourself.
Constantly operating in survival mode is not living the life you intended or deserve. You are not the best employee, spouse, sibling, friend, parishioner, student, lover, volunteer, athlete, etc. PTSD and transgenerational trauma are real.
Right or wrong, it makes the most sense to make choices that allow you to be your true, integrated and unique self in all settings.
In the case of a bad work environment, past performance is not necessarily a predictor of future events. You may not have found it yet, but I assure you, functional professional environments do exist! Fit is important, and no place is perfect. But you will find one or more places where your career can take root, grow and blossom like you never imagined.
Time + Distance = Clarity
After you get to that new environment and the pressure is off, you can finally, truly relax and let your guard down. Abandoning a harmful environment gives you an opportunity to reclaim your humanity.
As Maslow so correctly identified, we should embrace self-transcendence. We cannot get there by remaining in situations where our energy is sapped by an overwhelming concern for our safety.
Children need to feel safe. So do adults.
So, if you've managed to dodge the stapler and move on, please be grateful that you are in a position to escape it and do not resent it. The most important thing is to seek out healing from the trauma you've experienced.
You may look back and realize that the person who threw the stapler, intending you harm, actually did you a favor by gifting you with the information you needed to make a better choice.