CHOICE - NO CHOICE?

Children of the 70s, made to order, created with complete design thinking principles. We knew our role in the circle of life. And if we didn’t, we would be reminded, repeatedly & then reminded again till we became deaf to the voice inside that would die a quiet death.

Choice of career for most of us was like a linear equation. Crystal clear with no ambiguity and direct correlation.

a) Brilliant child + great marks in SSC = SCIENCE; where science = doctor/engineer

b) Reasonably intelligent + average marks in SSC = COMMERCE; where commerce = accountant

c) Maa-ki-dua-ka-sahaara + bad marks in SSC = ARTS; where arts = no hope

Extra option for girls:

d) None of the above = HOME SCIENCE; where home science = shaadi in two years

Wanted to enroll for Arts initially, but unfortunately, I scored quite well in my 10th. Please refer to equation list above. The sense of anticipation from well-wishers was so overwhelming, I almost signed up for science. But it just didn’t feel right, and I spoke to my folks who were very stoic about it, if I may say so. Took the middle path and finally signed up for Commerce, still not convinced but feeling much better.

Then spent a year explaining myself to distraught others

‘Yes, the marks that I had told you on the day of results, were true!’

‘No aunty I’m not lying, I have a mark sheet,’

‘Yes uncle I want to do commerce,’

‘No, dadi I don’t want to be a doctor and I don’t want to marry a doctor, either,’

We were children raised by villages, remember? The village was VERY concerned.

When we were about to have a baby, my Engineer +MBA husband (please refer to equation list above) decided we will give our children the gift of choice. Our babies will become whatever they want to become (as long as it pays well, is legal, does not involve drugs and they come home in time for dinner)

My teary eyed young adult child with overwhelming love will say “Ammi, thank you! You let me do whatever I wanted. You gave me the gift of choice!” Pregnant me was very convinced that those are the kind of folks we would be.

Cut to 2019. Sitting with Senior Ghar-ka-chiraag, trying to talk about ‘aage karna kya hai?’..

After two career counselling sessions with experts telling him what I already knew, multiple ‘conversations’ with professionals, and many more ‘dude, what are YOU doing?’ chats with friends, he looked at me with barely hidden irritation.

Just fyi, Senior believes research is overrated, over thinking about career is not important and mann-ki-awaaz is all that matters. yes

“It’s just not fair. You guys were so lucky Ammi! You had no problems!”

I began to warm up with to my favourite what-would-you-know?-hamaare-zamaane-mien-humko-kuchh-nahin-mila speech. Kya isi din ke liye I was day dreaming fifteen years ago?

“How can you say that? Look at your life. Full privilege only. Now you know FIFTEEN professions that you will excel in!”

My fiery eyed young adult child with overwhelming frustration said..

“Are you kidding me? You guys had the ultimate privilege! Life was so easy! Because you had NO CHOICE!”