"No Choice" is a Choice

I love my dad.?Dad retired from his 40+ years as a taxi driver in 2019 when he was unable to renew his vocational driving license due to his health. Since his forced retirement, he has lost the sparkle in his eyes, bounce in his steps, and joy in his heart.?He suffered from sadness that led to depression and his doctors have put him on anti-depression medications since.

Instead of driving miles on the road of Singapore, now he scrolls through miles in social media feeds as a finger warrior consuming load of Tik Tok and YouTube videos to keep his need for dopamine rush. The new online addiction is probably not helpful to improve his conditions.??When we encouraged him to rediscover life; get active, exercise, and join some social activities, he always responds “No choice lah, this is how it is. My body is failing, and I am aching allover”.

Uncle Tan is another retiree.?He is my sister’s father-in-law.?He retired more than 20 years ago when he was retrenched from his job.?Unlike my dad, Uncle Tan is a bundle of joyful energy. He is still up for a game of Beyblade with kids one tenth of his age.?He has recently been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes despite of his active and healthy lifestyle, but he chose not to let this dampen his joyful spirit and continue to live life to the fullest.

Not making choices consciously and actively bears huge costs.

The American author, speaker, and pastor, John C. Maxwell once remarked, “Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.”

Many of us probably do not realize how many decisions we make each day. It was estimated that that a person could make more than 35,000 choices a day.?Many of these choices may be made unconsciously or passively (no choice).

How do we know when we are not making an active choice??

• “Feeling empty and unfulfilled" Leisure is not a pleasure: we might only realize this after we're left feeling hollow and unfulfilled, succumbing to our habitual pattern of not utilizing our leisure time effectively. Instead, we permit ourselves to drift passively, immersing in mind-numbing activities that simply serve to kill time.
• “Feeling trapped and defeated” We recognize it when we're engulfed by feelings of entrapment and helplessness, believing that we are devoid of any options in a specific scenario.

What can we do about it?

When you feel that you’re out of choices or unhappy with the situation, these activities might come to your help:

List your “Auto Pilot” Checklist: To become more aware of your choices, consider listing down your activities. Of the many hidden decisions, we automatically make a day, a significant portion are recurring choices that have a cumulative effect over time, such as decisions related to diet and physical activity.

• Which choices serve you?
• Which decisions provide you with immediate relief but potentially compromise your long-term happiness?
• Which ones can you change??

Explore Your Options: Even when it feels like you're stuck, there's usually more than one way forward. Take the time to consider different options and evaluate their potential?outcomes. Perhaps you can replace some of your current activities with new and better ones.?

Set Clear Goals: Having a clear understanding of what you want to achieve can help guide your actions and make you more proactive. You might need help of a coach who can also hold you accountable to make the required change in your habits.

Doubt your negative patterns: In 1986, after a decade-long descent into depression and self-hatred, the American author and personal transformation guru Byron Katie experienced an awakening one morning that filled her with bliss. She discovered that believing in her stressful thoughts had condemned her to suffer, but when she challenged them, her suffering ceased. She developed a simple, yet potent method of self-inquiry known as ““The Work”, which involves a series of four questions and a technique called the turnaround, intended to help individuals perceive the reverse of their held beliefs. The questions were:

1.??????Is it true?

2.??????Can you absolutely know that it's true?

3.??????How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4.??????Who would you be without the thought?

Reassemble your “Justice League” Jim Rohn, the American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker, to whom Tony Robbins attribute his choice to move from despair to become the most prominent motivational speaker in the world once said: “You become like the five people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully.” Consider reassessing the impact of the people you spend time with: Are these relationships nourishing and uplifting? If not, perhaps you would like to reallocate more of your time to be among the positive people who encourage you to be the best version of yourself.

Reframe your thoughts. The Austrian psychiatrist, author and neurologist holocaust death camp survivor Viktor Frankl realized that he has freedom of choice in the most challenging situations. At the worst time of losing everything, his loved ones, his freedom, his health, he chose not to surrender to “No choice” and instead to embrace hope and that helped him to survive his experience as a prisoner in the Nazi extermination death camp during WWII.?

?“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

Frankl recognized that his captors could control his physical existence, but they could not control his inner life. Even under the most horrific and inhumane conditions, he could choose to maintain his dignity, integrity, and hope. Frankl saw this freedom of choice as a means to find meaning and purpose, even in suffering, and to assert his humanity.

In all situations, there is always a choice about what mindset we embrace to view the situation; it may be ‘easier said than done’ to choose the mindset that is most useful for the outcome you desire, but it is worthy cause to fight for.?With the right mindset, possible options typically emerge.

So, the next time you caught yourself or someone saying, “I have no choice”, remind them/yourself that NO CHOICE is A CHOICE and encourage them/yourself to play an active role in deciding rather than choosing "No Choice".