Chivalry: A Long Lost Friend

"Chivalry is not just a fancy word with a neat meaning; it's a way of life." -Vaughn Ripley

Chivalry is not dead. They just evolved. That I can assure you.

Ages has it been since men are first pictured as noble knights, who behave in a knightly and courteous manner, prepared to fight for their dignity and their loved ones.

Here’s what Webster’s Dictionary has to offer:

Chivalry (n) :

• Gallantry, courtesy and honor.
• The noble qualities a knight was supposed to have, such as courage and a readiness to help the weak.
• The demonstration of any of these qualities.

That is a precise definition to be sure. Historically speaking, the term “chivalry” loosely refers to informal codes of conduct developed by European knights in feudal systems starting in the 12th century. These codes differed based on region and time period, and covered issues like whom knights should show mercy to and whom it was okay to attack and how a knight should behave.

Almost a century later, the term "chivalry" is considered "dead" as gender-equality issue surfacing, and feminism covered the grounds claiming to be strong women. Increasing women power meant that they do not need men to give up their seats in buses or trains for them, that they are more than capable to carry their own shopping bags, or open the doors themselves, and that by man holding the door for her actually signs that he is secretly belittling her. I do not agree. To me personally, chivalry is a way of life, it is a moral principle I hold onto dearly. We’re not too different from those knights in the Middle Ages — we have a great deal of wealth and resources and freedom at our disposal, and we can use (or misuse) them in nearly any way we like.

I treat women nice, not because women are some kind of divine entity bestowed on this planet, but because they are humans. And humans are supposed to be accorded with respect, consideration, dignity, kindness, and politeness. I guess it is down on these small things that separates a gentleman and a boy; a lady and a girl.

Now what are the differences between a gentleman and a man? A man tried to make his mark and a gentleman strives to leave a mark. A man accepts a favor and a gentleman returns the favor. A man gives orders and a gentleman inspires. A man looks for physical beauty, a gentleman keep the beauty inside precious. A man craves for a girl, a gentleman looks for a lady. A man fits the mold and a gentleman tries to break the mold. The differences are many, but it all comes down to this: a man takes the necessary amount of steps and a gentleman takes the extra step. Congratulations to all the gentlemen who took the extra step.

And what makes a girl a lady? When she accepts that her physical beauty will fade away, she is a lady now. When she has a courage to not to friend zone a guy who is interested in her. She either breaks the bond or takes it to a new level. Then she is damn lady now. When she dares to have a dream of her own and not afraid to chase them, she is a lady now. While looking for spouse, instead of looking for rich father-in-law, she looks for a self-made man, she is a lady now. When she understands that being independent does not mean only to be independent financially, she is a lady now. When she first wants her brother and son to be a gentleman rather than society to be a gentleman, she is a lady now. When she knows that commitment is more important than love to last the relationship longer, she is a lady now. Congratulations if you are a lady now.

Let's pick a random scene in life that anyone would probably face. Dating. Imagine you are in a romantic relationship with a classy gentleman or a spicy senorita and are going out for a romantic date. What act of chivalry can you do?

Gentlemen, you are so lucky to have that spicy senorita interested in you or possibly falling head over heels for you. Trust me, gentlemen, what I have for you is going to bring your level up from 6.5 to 14 on a scale of gentleman-ly-ness! By treating your woman right, you are not showing how much you love her. Firstly, show up on a date when you have planned it, make sure you don't stand her up, show up on-time if not 15 minutes earlier, and be sure to dress up appropriately. If you are picking her up from her parents', greet them, ask them politely that you are taking her out for a date and going to give this beloved girl of theirs a happy time, and don't forget to send her home before her curfew. If you are walking, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, this lost art is to show your willingness to be splashed instead of her should a passing car run through puddle. If it rains, never let her get wet. Should you invite her to a dinner, she is to sit first, order first, and take the first bite of the appetizer, soup, or whatever is served on the table. As the saying goes: Ladies first. During your date, make sure you have your full attention on her not your phone screen. Keep it away as a sign of respect. And also, stand up from the table when she leaves or arrives. You may be saying to yourself: Come on, nobody does that anymore. Exactly. Lastly, walk her home after a date, or if it's not possible, text her, make sure she got home alright and you mean it. That's it gentleman, you just scored 15 out of 10. You gave her a good time, you showed her and her parents you love and care for her. You did well.

Now, ladies, what I have for you here is something similar to what I have for them courteous gentlemen. You beautiful creatures must be so excited for a date with your beloved. On the day, you are to dress to impress. Men really appreciate the effort you put to go out with him. Had you agreed to meet somewhere, you are to arrive on time. By arriving on time, you are showing the respect you have for him and his time. It is unwise to talk about old relationships, marriage or children, you will definitely give him a good scare. Pay attention for what he has to say, be interested in him, and if you're not, don't play games. It takes courage for a man to step out of his comfort zone and ask out a woman, so be honest and straightforward with him. Should he invite you for a dinner, be considerate of what you order, usually a gentleman will offer to pay. You should subtly hints or even offer to pay for yourself, but that all depends on both your and his understanding, but still, be prepared to go Dutch. It is important to remember that you don't have to put up a lady-like act and just be comfortable being yourself around him. After all, he is someone you are looking forward to spend your lifetime with.

There you go ladies and gentlemen. Those are acts of chivalry you can do on a date. Always be sure to be considerate of your partner, don't play games, and treat them with respect. It is important to show up on a date and on-time at that. You dress to impress and you walk with a smile hanging on your face. Pay attention to them, not your phones. You can text them a simple "Good morning" and that could make their whole day. Listen to what they have to say, offer help if needed. Lastly, enjoy yourself in their companion.

The concept of chivalry is not much different in the modern times, in dating, in friendship, at work, anywhere. Treating anyone with respect and helping others if possible is the code of conduct anyone should have. Me myself, I hold the door open for anyone behind me, pull out chairs for my parents and elderly, help struggling strangers with their luggage and stuffs, gender notwithstanding. Even things as simple as showing up to prior-arranged meeting on time, dressing appropriately to an occasion, giving up seats for the needy in public transportation, saying sorry when you step on the floor someone else is working hard to mop, saying "thank you", "please", and "sorry" in appropriate manners, they are all acts of chivalry. It doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, what your sexual orientation and belief is, an act of chivalry is something that anyone can do.

It was a rainy night and I was in a train station waiting for a ride to go home when I came across a man smoking in front of a pregnant woman and her friend who is carrying her infant. I found myself really pissed and annoyed, unexpectedly, at how ignorant and indifferent one can be. I humbly approached him and asked him to move a bit further away, reminding him how dangerous the smokes are, for babies especially. The man listened and moved away. At that moment, I made a right call. It was a right thing to do. I was proud of myself. I might have saved one life, probably two. This is just a scene, a small one at that. It is a fragment of unending chains of life events that anyone could encounter. This is an act of chivalry. It may seem a bit dramatic, but if you were in my shoes, would you have done what I did? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I believe you would.

Apparently these acts are, more than often, instead of being appreciated the way it is, considered putting up an act these days. Let me clear up things for you. It is our inclination and it is also our duty to be chivalrous. It is this thin line between inclination and duty, this agency — the willingness to do the what they usually don't — that gives humans their spark. By valuing something for what it is and acting against our impulses, like an ember in the dark, we are able to shine a light of moral goodness in this world; a light that illuminates the hearts of others. Mankind are mimetic in their drives — much of our behavior is influenced by what we observe in our surroundings. Immanuel Kant’s categorical imperative tells us that if we see other people do good, we are more likely to do good ourselves.

Hopefully, like those knights in shining armor hundreds of years ago, people would want to experience the satisfaction of knowing that we have championed the right causes and embraced the right principles, not because they were told to do so, but simply because they have chosen to follow that path. Chivalry is making the choice to do the right things, for the right reasons, at the right times. With chivalry in mind, the people will treat each other better, and the world will be a better place to live in.