Is chivalry dead? Why or why not?

Chivalry means that a man is loyal, courteous, protective, honorable, and gentle. It is often associated with sis gender romantic courtship, which seems almost non-existent in this era. The mythical notion of this is the knight in shining armor, a warrior who powerfully wields a sword for battle, and also kneels at the feet of the Goddess surrendering to Love. This archetype and the actions that come from it represent the sacred masculine within all of us. This energy is strong, protective, and present in the moment. The experience of feeling safe, protected, and respected is something that the majority of women experience as lacking in our culture and even more so worldwide. Women have taken a beating for the past 2000+ years figuratively and literally. It has been extra rough lately in the US with our current political climate, so guys PLEASE have compassion and help women see their worth! It is my belief that awakening the sacred feminine energy in ALL of us is what is required for us to heal the wounds of humanity.   

Chivalry is a complex subject, but if we look at the initial stages of sis gender dating, for a man to be successful in attracting a woman of quality, she needs to feel safe with him. A woman that can accept kind gestures, with acknowledgment and appreciation, is a person who values herself. Human attraction operates like a magnet. For two magnets to be drawn together, there must be a positive and negative polarity. Typically, the male is the active/positive energy and female the negative/receptive energy. If there is no receptivity in response to a benevolent action, romantic attraction does not happen.  

Many feel that chivalry is not dead, but it is on life support. So what caused this? Several recent studies and many single folks I have talked to blame technology such as the pervasiveness of online porn, the hook-up dating culture, video games, and social media acting as addictive substitutes for human contact, and stunting the development of prosocial skills.   We must ask ourselves: 

Is it possible that these cultural trends are creating the perfect storm for chivalry’s decline?  

Do we want to continue feeding this cultural paradigm?

I posed this question on several Facebook singles groups and received over 60 responses. All of the females who responded said chivalry was dead. Many of the men said they were chivalrous and were quick to blame Feminism for the decline in chivalry. For the purpose of this blog, I will focus on the latter, with a het sis gender romanticism perspective.  

In my limited survey research, I found that chivalry has morphed into generational behavior, with some modern men believing some women, more specifically “feminists,” are the ones who killed it. True “feminism” is the belief that men and women are equal, period.  So in my view, nothing is further from the truth, and most women see acts of chivalry, in fact, a sign of respect. Some modern women think that accepting a chivalrous gesture violates their commitment to Feminism, and therefore may respond negatively. I have heard of several instances where men have been yelled at for simply opening a door for a woman. This is sad, and I believe it is often a projection of unresolved personal and cultural issues that have nothing to do with the gentleman who opened the door. This behavior is the “immature” feminine acting from a wounded place, not feminism.   

Gentlemen: Do not let fear stop you from being kind, protective, and showing regard for the feminine energy, most important your own. We know that most men are kind and loving, and these men have also suffered from our current cultural narrative. I see an emerging healthy masculine or “chivalry” as supportive men choosing to create safe and protective spaces for women to be empowered and to lead. Treating women with respect never goes out of style, and it is precisely what feminists today are fighting to secure with the ERA amendment.  

Women: Accept kind gestures such as door opening, lifting heavy things, or a gentleman pulling out a chair for you with grace. Say “thank you, or no, thank you,” but please appreciate or reciprocate a kind gesture. Gratitude is how we can give back not only to him but to the greater universe. Please choose to be bold, and compassionate, starting with yourself.  

Gratitude, receptivity, and sensitivity are signs of strength and are the essence of the feminine energy within all of us. We must set intentions and take immediate action towards collaboration and empowerment so we can heal the collective soul of humanity. Dating is a mutual give-and-take experience, ideally coming from a place of graciously giving and receiving without expectation. When we have embodied this ability via self-love, we are on our way to healthier relationships with ourselves, our community, and the planet.