Children's Mental Health - Why Prevention is Better Than Cure

“There is no health without mental health.”

-World Health Organisation??

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The Mental Health Foundation ’s annual #mentalhealthawarenessweek2023 provides an opportunity to bring mental well-being to the top of the agenda, to face?the stigma associated with mental illness head-on, and to encourage people to seek help and support.

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In 2022, 18.0% of children aged 7 to 16 years and 22.0% of young people aged 17 to 24 years had a probable mental disorder. ?

-NHS Digital 29 November 2022

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With this in mind, and?as we come to the end of this important week, I have been reflecting on what advice I could give to help parents?to prevent?mental health problems from arising with their children.

Six ways to help grow emotionally resilient families and bring emotional intelligence into your home

Supporting and developing emotional intelligence and literacy in your family will result in children with greater levels of emotional resilience and empathy toward others and children who are better equipped to cope with the ups and downs of an emotional life.

1. Teach your children that all our emotions have value.

It’s easy and comfortable to be with children who exude happiness, joy, excitement, enthusiasm, and appreciation. It’s far more difficult and unsettling to be with them when they are expressing their?anxiety, upset, dislike, objection, sadness, or stress.

• By accepting that all emotions are valid and equally important, it's possible to allow others to feel what they are feeling, despite the discomfort it might evoke in us.
• Remind yourself and your children that we are human, and humans feel all sorts of emotions every day and that’s ok. Un-learn the negative connotations you have with some emotions, there are no good or bad emotions - they are ALL ok.
• Help your children understand that we don’t need to get rid of ‘uncomfortable’ emotions but can learn to recognise and figure out what they are trying to tell us, together you can become emotional detectives.
• Without judgment help them to notice, name, and find a way to express what it is they are feeling.?Then help them find a way to regulate their feelings in the best way.
• Try this: Tired and low? Have a chat and a cuddle. Overwhelmed and anxious? Get out into nature and have a run-around.

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2. Build a strong emotional connection.

Together make time to build and integrate emotion regulation strategies into the everyday.

• Make time to have one-to-one conversations with your children about their emotions and about what’s happening in their life and how they are feeling.
• Share the way you feel with your child in an age-appropriate way.
• Model how you regulate your own emotions.
• Role-play challenging emotional situations, and brainstorm with your children how best to deal with those situations.

What strategies do you use? Let me know in the comments below how you regulate your emotions. I use exercise, meditation, time with friends and family, yoga, journaling, gardening, singing, dancing, downtime, and listening to a podcast…what would you add?

3. Co-regulation is a prerequisite for self-regulation.

Why is this important?

• Children don’t learn to calm their bodies and emotions until they are repeatedly soothed by the calm presence of other adults.
• When a parent or caregiver's nervous system is regulated?it in turn regulates a child's nervous system, but a dysregulated adult will dysregulate a child.
• Creating self-regulation in our children starts with us - be your child’s parent coach and work on how you manage your triggers.

?“Be the adult you want your child to be.”?

-Brené Brown

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4. Teach a rich emotional vocabulary.

Teach your children?to verbalise their emotions so they don’t grow up to be adults who shut down when they feel anything other than happiness.

-Unknown

• Expand your own emotional vocabulary so you can help your children label and express their feelings.?When we can express how we feel using a nuanced feelings vocabulary we are better able to understand ourselves and emotionally regulate our response. Words matter.

“Name it to tame it.”

-Dr. Daniel Siegel

• When your child experiences a strong emotion, take a moment to help them find a word to label it, once you’ve identified it, try to come up with two more words that describe how they are feeling.?
• Help?them to uncover what made them feel that way. Get to the root of it.?You might be surprised at the breadth of their emotions. What might seem to be an expression of anger to you may?turn out?to be embarrassment or fear.

Always look beyond the behaviour. What emotion is going on below the surface?

• Use books to teach your children to understand and express how they are feeling by recognising and understanding the way characters are feeling in books. Ask lots of questions to help them explore the emotions behind the characters and their behaviours.

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5. Don’t fix.

Allow space and validate all feelings even the uncomfortable ones, even if you don’t agree.?

• When you validate your child's emotional needs, you teach them how to validate their own emotional needs in the future.
• When we try to resolve our children’s difficulties, we take away important life skills, skills that help them build their self-esteem and emotional resilience.

Use LOVE to help you have those problem-solving conversations-

L-listen O-observe V-validate E-empathise.

Make sure to accept their experience as it is for them and then support them as they problem-solve. Please try hard not to solve their problem for them.?Make time to support your child as they navigate their way through uncomfortable emotions.

“I know you’re feeling worried, I am here for you, I am here to help you”.

?6. Screens.

After leading a review into online safety for children by the Government,?Dame Rachel de Sousa the Children’s Commissioner said?she found it is 'quite likely' for eight-year-olds to come across pornography online and for teenagers to find 'insidious' violent content.

?“I do feel strongly that we need to be careful and manage this. I honestly think that we will look back in 20 years' time and be absolutely horrified by what we allowed our children to be exposed to.”

-Dame Rachel de Sousa the Children’s Commissioner

“Is social media a major contributor to the rise of teen anxiety that began in the early 2010’s?”

-?Jonathan Haidt

Jonathan's research shows that it can be traced in part to the explosion of Smartphone usage from about 2012, with girls most affected. It is becoming increasingly obvious that smartphones/social media are actively damaging children’s?and adolescents' mental health.

Definitely food for thought, and I’d be interested in finding out what works for you and your children. Let me know in the comments below.

Summary

By learning to understand, identify, and express their feelings in a healthy way our children are given the ability to understand themselves better AND to be better understood. This is essential in helping children grow up being consciously aware of their mental well-being and how they can look after their emotional health, just like they look after their physical health.

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As a parent, break with what has up to now been the norm and encourage less emotional suppression and far more expression.

Give your family and yourself permission?to feel and see what happens...!

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Some helpful associated reading, watching, signing, and playing.

• Read Whole Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
• Watch Jonathon Haight interview with?Joe Rogan - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI6rX96oYnY
• Join the Safe Screens Campaign?https://safescreens.org/
• Play FEELIT to help develop the emotional literacy of the whole family