Children That’s Who We’re Here For- Part 2

Discipline- Teaching, Not Punishment

We’ve all been disciplined. And we know that discipline is one of our jobs as fathers. But we’ve come a long way from the days of, “Wait ‘til your father gets home!” There’s no simple, foolproof formula for good discipline. Kids and their parents are too complex for that, but here are a couple of things to keep in mind.

Discipline starts with a relationship: a parent who knows his child well and a child who trusts that the parent wants what’s best for him. Discipline is teaching — teaching children how to behave well, be responsible and get along with others. We often think of discipline as punishment, but it’s much more than that. In fact, discipline comes from the Latin word that means “to teach.” So, it’s not just dealing with misbehavior, it’s also helping kids to behave well and setting a good example.

Ted, Stephen, and Ravi are trading horror stories. “All Cody (16months) wants to do these days is climb up on every-thing,” says Ted. “You have to watch him every minute.” Stephen nods, “Yeah, I remember Kelsey doing that. Now her thing is that she can’t leave her mom’s side. Ever!” Ravi puts in, “People say the Terrible Twos are bad. Wait until your kids turn four. Talk about attitude!”

Child Development- What’s Going on in That Little Head?

Children constantly change as they develop. And that affects just about everything we do with them. You’ve heard people say, “Oh, he’s just going through a stage right now!” Usually, they say that when their child’s behavior is troublesome. But some stages are wonderful — when a baby first starts smiling at you when a child learns to walk or read, it’s very exciting and rewarding for parents. It seems like all your hard work is paying off.

But kids do go through difficult stages.

“Bad” behavior isn’t always exactly “bad.” A two-year-old who starts saying “No” isn’t being defiant in the same way as an eight-year-old who does the same thing. Why? Because she’s just acting her age. She’s at a stage where she’s exploring what “no” means and how she can use it. She’ll tend to overdo it until she figures it out. The point is, she’ll probably grow out of it all by herself. And when you realize that this annoying behavior is normal, you handle it differently. You might not feel as angry about it. The idea of “teaching” rather than “punishing “might make more sense. And you might decide that you need to control the environment rather than the child— put breakable things up out of reach for a few years, for example. There’s a lot to learn about child development and learning even a little can really help you understand your children. Children going through stages still need to be taught, but in many cases, they’re just acting their age.

When You Need Help:

·??????Find a friend to talk to.

·??????Visit a local parenting resource centre.

·??????Talk with your doctor or pediatrician.

Temperament- What Your Child Is Born with

You’ve heard people say, “Oh, boy. Isn’t he just like his father? ”Often they’re referring to a child’s temperament. People used to think that parents were completely responsible for what their child was like. Parents do make a difference, but you can tell just by watching different babies in their cribs that some are more quiet or more active by nature. Some are more easily upset. Some are more shy. Some are more persistent. This is part of their temperament.

These temperamental (or personality) traits make a difference in parenting. Depending on the combination of traits your child has, he may be fairly easy or a little more difficult to manage than average. Temperament can affect his behavior in other ways as well. Let’s say there are two children. One has always thrown himself eagerly into new situations. He just can’t wait to explore. The other is very reluctant to try anything new and always wants to watch for a while first. If both those children are starting daycare for the first time, the experiences of the parents are going to be quite different. The children will respond differently to the change in routine. And the strategies the parents will need to use will be different too. Your child’s temperament interacts with your own temperament, and that affects your relationship. If you are a quiet and orderly person and your child is noisy, it may bother you more than if you were also loud and boisterous by nature. You might need to work a little harder to understand this child and to find activities you can both enjoy together.

?Mood Matters

Many factors affect the way we parent, but one that makes a big difference is how we feel. Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a good mood, parenting seems a lot easier? But when you’re feeling upset, angry, or stressed out, it seems like everything you do is wrong. You can’t eliminate all bad moods, but the important point is this: sometimes you need to look after how you feel before you can deal with your child. That doesn’t mean you let her whack her little brother with a shovel because you’re not in the right mood to deal with the situation. But you don’t have to deal with the whole thing. Maybe you can separate them for a while and give everyone some time to calm down. Then later, when you are both in a better mood, you can talk about what happened. If you’re feeling stressed out or angry most of the time, it may be wise to think about what causes stress in your life and how that affects your relationship with your kids. Some ways of reducing stress are a question of lifestyle —getting enough sleep and exercise and eating properly. Big-time stress which comes from marriage problems, financial crisis, or drug or alcohol abuse, may require outside help — credit, marriage or personal counseling, or treatment for addiction. Assistance in dealing with those serious stressors can help you to get back to being the kind of parent you want to be.

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