Children First.

As Reunion Dinners are being held today to herald in the Chinese Lunar New Year of the Ox, the recent case that was heard in the Singapore High Court comes to mind.

 Two parents fought over who their child will have reunion dinner with. Besides engaging top Singapore law firms to represent them, they also engaged Senior Counsels (the equivalent of Queen's Counsel) to fight the appeal in the High Court.

In the Chinese culture, reunion dinners are for families to gather to celebrate kinship and happy times. So, it is important for parents to have children with them at the reunion dinner.

 The High Court Judge commented in her judgment that the parents could have settled the matter amicably without going to Court.

 When there is entrenched acrimony and inability to co-parent, it is difficult to resolve these issues without the Court's assistance.

 There are many family disputes where mediation and collaborative family practice has failed because of couples' personalities and unwillingness to compromise.

 Is it really about the reunion dinner or is because one spouse simply wants to win over the other spouse?

 That is what family court litigation does. One spouse wins and the other loses.

 Often, both spouses are unhappy over outcomes of the Court cases.

 The winning spouse gets emotional satisfaction and the losing spouse becomes even more bitter and will not co-operate in future co-parenting.

 The day may come when the winning spouse would need the other spouse's agreement on a child access issue. The losing spouse will remember his loss then...

 There are many ways where parents have resolved sharing of reunion dinners with the children in the cases I have handled. This is because they were willing to compromise.

 In these types of hotly contested cases, I always wonder - how do the children who are in between their parents feel?

 What are their wishes? What do they want?

 A Singapore Family Justice Court Judge whom I respect and admire said to the parents in one of my cases, "Think about your child's wedding day. Would he want both of you there? Would he want you to sit together and witness his happy day?

 In another of my case, the Judge said to the parents. "Look at the both of you fighting like this. If your child was here, what would he say or think of you?

 His thought-provoking words are so deeply etched in my mind.

 It is not only about what parents want. It is also about what the child wants and wishes for.

 He may not express it. But he feels and he is affected by it. And it is often not seen until many years later.

 On this significant day, let us all think about our children more than ourselves.

 Every child deserves to be happy and live a peaceful life.

 Happy Year of the Ox.

 May our children prosper.

Rajan Chettiar.