The Child We Carry: How Our Childhood Shapes the Workplace
Eunice Kihara-The HR Expert
? HR Professional | ?? Employee Experience & Wellness Strategist | ?? Humanitarian Advocate | ?? Innovating HR with AI & Tech | ?? Building People-Centered, Data-Driven Workplaces
My Personal Journey
I grew up with a difficult childhood. I often felt unloved, alone, and even different from my siblings. While they seemed to fit perfectly into the family puzzle, I always felt like an odd piece that didn’t belong. These emotions weren’t fleeting—they stayed with me, quietly shaping how I interacted with the world.
I understood things that a child shouldn’t. I observed adult struggles, processed emotions beyond my years, and grew up too fast. At an age when I should have been carefree, I became the little adult in the room—silent, observant, and carrying burdens I didn’t have words for. I wanted love desperately. I sought validation in places I didn’t always find it.
These feelings stayed with me, shaping my view of the world and myself. As I grew older, I struggled to trust people, form deep friendships, or even believe I was worthy of love. It wasn’t until I began unpacking those childhood experiences that I realized how deeply they had influenced my behavior, decisions, and emotional health.
This isn’t just my story. It’s the story of countless people who carry invisible wounds from their formative years into adulthood—and into their workplaces.
Personal Journey: From Pain to Awareness
I’ve seen these patterns in myself. Growing up, I felt like my voice didn’t matter. Small wins were ignored, and every misstep seemed magnified. I worked hard, not for the joy of achievement, but to prove I was worthy of being noticed.
In adulthood, this translated into overworking, people-pleasing, and staying silent when I had something valuable to say. It took years to recognize that these behaviors weren’t just “me”—they were echoes of my childhood, still shaping how I navigated the world.
The Link Between Childhood and Workplace Wellness
Studies reveal that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)—such as neglect, abuse, or extreme poverty—have long-lasting effects on mental and physical health. Adults who experienced ACEs are more likely to face challenges like anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming relationships.
The unseen connections of childhood can shape us as employees
Childhood experiences are the architects of our adult personalities. Whether positive or negative, these early influences silently dictate how we interact with colleagues, approach challenges, and perceive our roles at work. The workplace becomes a mirror, reflecting the lessons, wounds, and strengths we acquired as children.
But, childhood doesn’t just leave wounds—it also builds strengths. But without understanding these influences, we risk misinterpreting or mishandling them in ourselves and others.
These patterns are not weaknesses—they are survival mechanisms. But in the context of a workplace, they can create challenges that affect not only the individual but also the team and the organization.
Our childhoods have a lasting impact on how we navigate the workplace. Whether we were raised in nurturing, supportive environments or faced trauma, these early experiences inform our behaviors, communication styles, and relationships at work. Here’s how the unseen connections of childhood can shape us as employees:
1. Those Who Bring Their Childhood Wounds into the Workplace
For many, childhood wounds—such as neglect, emotional absence, or feeling unseen—are carried into the workplace, affecting their interactions and productivity. These individuals may struggle with low self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, or challenges with communication. Their unresolved childhood trauma can manifest as defensiveness, emotional distance, or difficulty forming strong, healthy relationships with colleagues. They may find themselves constantly seeking validation or approval, or they may become overly self-reliant, shutting others out in the process.
2. Those Who Bring Their Positive Childhood into the Workplace
On the flip side, individuals who were raised in loving, supportive environments often bring optimism, confidence, and strong communication skills to the workplace. They are typically seen as natural leaders, team players, and people who can navigate challenges with a positive attitude. They tend to have high self-esteem and are comfortable building collaborative relationships.
?But here's the shocker: Even those with positive childhoods can struggle in their own way. While they may carry confidence and optimism, they may also carry idealism—the expectation that everyone shares their emotional stability, coping mechanisms, and confidence. When they encounter colleagues who don't react in the same way or who lack self-esteem, they may feel frustrated or disconnected. These individuals may not immediately understand why others struggle with the same challenges, or why some colleagues appear less motivated.
For example, a colleague who grew up in a supportive environment may find it difficult to relate to others who have lower self-esteem or who have been conditioned by difficult life experiences. They may mistakenly perceive others' reluctance to speak up as a lack of initiative or drive. Over time, however, they may learn that these individuals are not lacking in effort but are dealing with their own emotional barriers. This realization can help foster deeper empathy and a more inclusive workplace environment.
3. Those Who Overcome Childhood Trauma to Bring Positivity into the Workplace
It’s important to note that not everyone who faced difficulties growing up carries their childhood wounds into adulthood. Some individuals use their past hardships as fuel for personal growth. These employees may have struggled with low self-esteem or difficult childhoods but have worked hard to overcome these challenges, turning them into sources of strength. They often bring resilience, empathy, and a sense of purpose into the workplace.
These individuals may have learned to process and overcome their trauma, allowing them to become powerful advocates for others. They use their experiences to build stronger, more supportive teams, often drawing from their own journey of healing to inspire others to do the same. They tend to be empathetic leaders, deeply understanding of others' challenges, and dedicated to creating a work culture where everyone can thrive, regardless of their past.
?The Lasting Impact of Childhood Experiences on Workplace Dynamics: Positive and Negative Manifestations
Our childhood experiences—both positive and negative—have a profound influence on how we approach our careers and navigate the workplace. While some individuals transform their childhood struggles into strengths, others may find themselves grappling with unresolved challenges. Here’s a closer look at how childhood experiences can manifest in the workplace, both positively and negatively:
Positive Manifestations: Transformed from Adversity
Some childhood struggles shape incredible resilience, creativity, and empathy, allowing individuals to excel in the workplace:
Childhood Experience: Growing up in a household filled with tension, this child often played the role of mediator, calming conflicts and soothing frayed emotions.
Workplace Manifestation: As an adult, they are a skilled negotiator, resolving workplace disputes and building harmony within teams. Their emotional intelligence becomes a cornerstone of their success.
Childhood Experience: Facing hardships like poverty or instability taught them the value of perseverance. They learned to adapt and keep going, even when life felt insurmountable. Workplace Manifestation: They bring a “never quit” attitude to work, inspiring teams and excelling in high-pressure roles. Obstacles become stepping stones for their success.
Childhood Experience: Left to their own devices due to neglect or lack of resources, they developed a vivid imagination to fill the gaps.
Workplace Manifestation: Their ability to think outside the box makes them an asset in innovation-driven roles, from marketing campaigns to product development.
Childhood Experience: Experiencing neglect or bullying inspired them to ensure others never feel the same pain.
Workplace Manifestation: They become trusted mentors, fostering safe spaces for colleagues to thrive and grow. Their compassion creates a ripple effect of positivity.
Negative Manifestations: Challenges That Persist
While some individuals successfully overcome childhood challenges, others find that unresolved wounds continue to manifest in their professional lives:
Childhood Experience: Praised only for perfect results, this child equated success with love. Workplace Manifestation: As an adult, they set impossible standards, burning themselves out and frustrating colleagues with their need for perfection.
Childhood Experience: Feeling unseen, they learned to put others’ needs first to gain approval. Workplace Manifestation: They overcommit and avoid confrontation, sacrificing their well-being for the sake of harmony.
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Childhood Experience: Constant criticism at home made them defensive and wary of feedback. Workplace Manifestation: They perceive constructive criticism as a personal attack, hindering growth and team collaboration.
Childhood Experience: Told to stay quiet and “not cause trouble,” they suppressed their emotions and opinions.
Workplace Manifestation: They hesitate to share ideas, even when their insights could transform a project or process.
Childhood Experience: Taking on caregiving roles early in life, they learned to prioritize others’ needs.
Workplace Manifestation: They take on excessive responsibilities, leading to burnout and a lack of work-life balance.
The Power of Recognizing these different dimensions of individuals
“Understanding each other’s past is the key to building a supportive, inclusive future.”
In HR, recognizing these different dimensions of individuals—those carrying wounds, those with positive backgrounds, and those who have transformed their adversities into strengths—can profoundly shape how we approach wellness programs and workplace dynamics.
By creating an environment where each person’s past influences are understood and respected, we can develop personalized support systems. We can offer training that emphasizes emotional intelligence, healthy coping mechanisms, and empathy, empowering individuals to thrive despite their childhood experiences.
It’s important to remember that everyone has a unique story and different emotional needs. Some of the most resilient employees may have faced the toughest challenges, and their journey to healing can inspire others. On the other hand, those who come from positive childhoods may need support in developing empathy for colleagues with different experiences. Understanding these dynamics creates an environment where everyone has the opportunity to flourish—where the full human experience is honored, not just the professional one.
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Empathy as the Missing Link: Healing Through Workplace Wellness
If workplaces are to thrive, they need to be more than spaces for tasks and transactions. They must become environments that recognize and address the human experiences employees bring with them.
Understanding these connections empowers us to create workplaces that heal rather than harm. Here’s how organizations can foster transformation:
1.????? Mental Health Support:
-Provide access to professional counseling services.
- Offer workshops on emotional intelligence and resilience.
-Normalize conversations about mental health so employees feel safe seeking help.
2.????? Train Leaders on Emotional Intelligence: Equip managers to recognize and support employees who might be struggling with these patterns.
3.????? Encourage Open Communication: Build psychological safety where employees feel comfortable expressing their needs and ideas without fear of judgment.
4.????? Foster a Culture of Recognition: Celebrate not just the big wins, but also the small achievements that make employees feel valued.
5.????? Storytelling as Healing:
Create opportunities for employees to share their personal stories. A storytelling workshop, for example, can help team members understand one another on a deeper level, building empathy and trust. I once attended a session where a colleague shared their experience of growing up in poverty. It completely changed how the team viewed and supported them, fostering a new level of connection.
6.????? Family-Friendly Policies:
-Offer flexible working arrangements that allow parents to be present for their children.
-Provide on-site childcare or childcare subsidies to reduce stress for working parents.
-Celebrate family milestones, showing employees that their home lives matter as much as their professional ones.
These initiatives don’t just benefit employees—they create a ripple effect. A parent who feels supported at work will take that positivity home, fostering healthier family dynamics and, in turn, raising emotionally well-rounded children.
A 1st Call to Action: The Ripple Effect
If every HR leader thought like a humanitarian, prioritizing love and warmth in policies and practices, workplaces would transform into havens of growth and healing. And the ripple effect wouldn’t stop there. Employees carrying wellness home would create healthier families, stronger communities, and a kinder world.
Let’s reimagine workplaces not just as spaces for productivity but as arenas for healing. Because every child deserves love—and so does the child still alive in each of us.
A 2nd Call to Action: Look Beyond the Resume
When we look at employees, we often see their resumes, their roles, and their output. But behind every job title is a human being shaped by experiences we may never fully understand.
Let’s take a moment to ask ourselves:
?? Are we creating workplaces where people feel seen and valued?
?? Are we offering tools and resources that help employees heal, not just perform?
?? Are we celebrating the unique journeys that make each person who they are?
When we start to answer these questions, we begin to build workplaces that don’t just succeed in business but also in humanity.
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Final Thoughts: Healing Together
Childhood leaves an indelible mark on all of us, shaping the way we view ourselves and the world. For some, those marks are scars; for others, they are badges of resilience. Either way, they deserve acknowledgment, empathy, and care.
As someone who grew up yearning for love, validation, and understanding, I’ve made it my mission to ensure no one feels unseen on my watch. I believe workplaces can be the spaces where healing begins, where employees feel loved—not in a sentimental way, but in a way that recognizes their worth, their struggles, and their humanity.
Together, we can create a future where every child grows up loved, and every adult finds a workplace that continues that love.
Let’s make it happen. Because the child in us all still matters.
Closing Reflection
While my past may have shaped me, it is not my definition. I’ve worked hard to transform the challenges I faced into lessons that now drive my passion for creating positive, compassionate, and resilient workplace cultures. I believe that the healing we experience individually can be the catalyst for the collective growth of a team. And that’s the type of workplace I am dedicated to helping build.
?"From personal healing comes the power to build compassionate and thriving teams."