In Child Custody, You Can’t Change Lemons into Oranges

You know the aphorism, so why does everyone keep telling #CoParents and caring relatives in #ChildCustody cases that we have to change lemons into oranges rather than apply a practical, realistic and more effective approach to making the best of a bad situation?

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Judges all too often talk down to Co-Parents and Parties in #ChildCustody cases, literally and figuratively, and say things like “You folks are going to have to get along” or “ya’ll are going to have to work with each other.” Although the latter is mostly true, to some extents, anyways, we disagree with their sentiment or uninformed belief, one often shared by well-meaning friends and relatives and even other lawyers, that everything that led to the end of a relationship, that created the pain and heartbreak and trauma that we will always have to manage and overcome is like some switch we can flip and make our reality into something it is not -- or make the Other Side into someone they’re not.

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It’s okay to just follow the schedule in the order. It’s okay to just communicate in writing and not do so unless it’s necessary. It’s okay to draw the line of what you will and won’t tolerate. It’s okay to parallel parent and take a business-like approach to dealing with the Other Side. Do you get along and sing kumbaya with everyone you work with? with all of your customers? With all of your vendors?

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You might have to litigate in a courtroom, but you parent in the real world. And the kind of folks that dole out the advice we’re talking about here don’t tend to have the same experiences or backgrounds our clients do with bullying, manipulative, controlling or even violent partners, so know this…

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It’s okay for things not to be okay. To anyone that tells us we HAVE to get along with the Other Side we say simply, “no, we don’t.” It’s getting hot these days in Alabama. Make yourself some lemonade.