There are differing styles on how you hear the voice of a child at mediation. A child centered mediation is one in which the child does not attend the mediation with their parents and does not sit in a room separate from where their parents are. A child centered mediation is one in which a child representative speaks to the child PRIOR TO THE MEDIATION. The child rep will then be available to field questions as to what the child's goals and concerns are. The child rep is, when asked, available to provide options and resources to help facilitate dialogue beween the parties. Yes the child rep can be a child therapist or an amicus.
Here are my top reasons why I want you to consider Child Centered Mediations:
- CCM's act like a INTERVENTION: Rather than continuing on in the litigation, discovery or additional temporary orders, CCM's act like a life guard telling everyone to get out of the pool. CCM's act like a cease fire for litigation involving on children issues.
- CCM's provide for a CHANGE IN FOCUS: CCM's provide for a change in focus for divorcing parents. Rather than focusing on the divorce litigation, parents can focus on the needs of their children.
- CCM's provide TRANSPARANCY: A child representative will tell BOTH parents together the needs and concerns of their child. Nothing is hidden and parents get to ask questions and listen to information they may have never heard before.
- CCM's allow parents to be EMPOWERED: Parents are the main participants of the CCM they are given the opportunity to question the child representative about what their child is going to, they have the opportunity to ask questions and understand what their children are going through. CCM's give parents the opportunity to create child centered solutions during the divorce process.
- CCM's protect the children from getting into the divorce conflict. As soon as the parents ask the child "where do you want to live" a child may find themselves taking a trip to the courthouse to talk to the judge about where they want to live. CCM's allow the child to talk to a child representative OUTSIDE OF COURT and UNDER THE PROTECTION OF MEDIATION. It is up to the adult (child representative) to talk to the parents about their needs questions and concerns.
- CCM's allow for a more child focused agreement: Don't limit yourself to who is the primary caretaker of a child. There is more to what the child needs than simply where he or she primarily lives. This child is a person not a potato - right? - he or she has actual needs that should be addressed. Does this child need therapy? Is this child wanting to get into a sport, see friends during the weekend? Does this child have questions that are not being answered - Why are my parents getting divorced? Why won't anyone tell me what's going on? CCM's allow child representatives to help children who are also impacted by their parent's divorce.
- CCM's should overall reduce the parents conflict in the divorce: Sure the divorce continues but the CCM just lowered the conflict-and what hurts children most - the conflict that their parents go through during and after the divorce process.
- The benefits of a Relational Mediation - CCM is a form of relational mediation (look up transformative mediation) and it provides the parents the skill to address not only the issues relating to their child, but the skills necessary to address the conflict in their divorce. Yes there's studies on this, yes I have them and yes I've shared them.
- Benefits to the Attorneys - Attorneys listening to the concerns and goals of parents during a child centered mediation are best able to formulate options to help parents solve their conflict and move forward to either a partial or full settlement.
- Reduced Conflict and Cost - Parents become better communicators, more focused and are thinking what options and resources they need to tap into to solve problems not only for their children but for other issues in dispute.
