The Chemistry of Connection

The Chemistry of Connection

I will be co-leading a workshop on this topic at the Garrison Institute in June.

Ask yourself:

  • Do you send someone an email at work, even though you could walk over and talk with them?
  • How much of your time do you spend on work-related email, texts, or other digital media – versus actually meeting with people?
  • Have you had misunderstandings because you emailed rather than had a face-to-face talk?

Have More Human Moments

The trends for most of us tip more and more toward virtual contacts and less and less to real ones. And that endangers the “human moment” – that in-person connection where we feel the closeness that allows bull’s eye contact, the kind of interaction that resonates, moves people, and makes a lasting impression. Such moments allow a powerful psychological encounter that simply cannot happen online.

Of course all the digital links between us are convenient, efficient ways to communicate. But their ease can be seductive, leading us to reach out digitally when we should reach out in person. It doesn’t matter if you’re a high-level leader, in sales, working with clients, or part of a team, or just one of many in an office – the face-to-face encounter has real value.

[READ - Why Optimism Matters]

These are points that might seem obvious, but bear repeating as the social norms for connection are slipping away from people being together to digital connections. Ten years ago people were miffed when the person they were with answered a cell phone call while they were talking – and today that personal disconnect has become standard.

The human moment combines physical presence with mutual attention. The result is rapport. Research at Harvard finds there are three ingredients of rapport:

1) Full attention by both people.

2) A nonverbal, automatic synchrony of movements.

3) A feeling of mild pleasure. In rapport, whatever we’re doing goes smoothly, feels good, and has a special power.

Just being present won’t do it – you can ride next to someone on an airplane for hours and never connect. It’s the attention that makes all the difference.

The social circuitry of the brain was designed for face-to-face interactions, in person. Those circuits track a multitude of signals about the other person’s emotions, intentions, and the like – which gives us an immediate, unconscious but powerful, sense of what’s happening with them, and what best to say and do next. There is a steady loss of these signals as we move to phone calls (good but not best) to email, where there is zero emotional signal – just words.

A classic Harvard Business Review article instructed executives on how to have a human moment:

Step 1: Set aside what you’re doing, e.g. put down what you were reading.

Step 2: Disengage from your laptop, or any other digital distraction.

Step 3: Abandon your daydream or other random streams of thought.

Step 4: Focus on the person you’re with.

Good advice.

I will be one of the presenters at a workshop on The Chemistry of Connection June 16-18 at Garrison Institute, Garrison, NY.

Ozge Begum KOC

MBA-Marketing | BS-Business Adm.| Branding & Marketing Professional with Entrepreneurial Background

7 年

With regards to strategic, operational or personal aspects, the critical role of networking and communicating is undeniable. While managing external/internal dynamics, providing personal/corporate development, besides seeing and seizing opportunities, whom/how to contact play a major role. In this respect, active listening and direct communication can give a chance to catch clues and increase the accuracy of impression, especially in terms of conflict resolution, ice breaking, besides understanding and eliminating the root causes of disengagement, distraction, and procrastination.

回复

9512414038

回复

9512414038

回复
George Pitagorsky

Overcome obstacles and unnecessary stress, with mindfulness, focus, and a “skillful” mindset to optimize wellness and performance.

7 年

How do we make the most of virtual meetings, perhaps simulating face-to-face contact? The definition in 1999 limited face to face contact to physical collocation and attention. The four steps about paying attention apply in any media. My August Project Times article on this topic explores the qualities of effective contacts and the possibility that the effect of human moments - rapport - can be achieved through the right balance of virtual and physically collocated meetings.

Jean Francois Mathieu

Founding Partner & Listening Culture Designer at Leaders Today

7 年

Thanks for reminding us. When you learn to be more effective listeners, all these topics are part of the training. www.leaderstoday.co/listen-lead

回复

要查看或添加评论,请登录

Daniel Goleman的更多文章

  • Emotional Intelligence Means Taking Back Our Attention

    Emotional Intelligence Means Taking Back Our Attention

    Attention! “We were the first generation to grow up prisoners of our smartphones,” I was told by some thirty-somethings…

    153 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence Opens Doors

    Emotional Intelligence Opens Doors

    Do you feel too anxious to try new alternatives? Have you found yourself overwhelmed by stress ? Do people tell you…

    130 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence for Change

    Emotional Intelligence for Change

    The Science of Change What keeps business leaders up in the middle of the night? One of the most common answers: 'How…

    159 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence is Relational

    Emotional Intelligence is Relational

    Join Me for a Weekend on Relationships Me and my wife Tara Bennett-Goleman – along with special guest experts -- will…

    118 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence: New Season, New Trainings

    Emotional Intelligence: New Season, New Trainings

    Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence – My Online Course Want to learn the basics of emotional intelligence? Or master…

    114 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence: Practice Makes Proficient

    Emotional Intelligence: Practice Makes Proficient

    A Deep Dive Into Emotional Intelligence Good news for coaches and those in human resources: if you register for my…

    122 条评论
  • The Many Uses of Emotional Intelligence

    The Many Uses of Emotional Intelligence

    Final Call: Meditation Since my college years I’ve found that a daily meditation practice helped me through the day. I…

    123 条评论
  • Mindfulness and AI: The Old + The New of Emotional Intelligence

    Mindfulness and AI: The Old + The New of Emotional Intelligence

    Are you ready to learn, refresh, or expand your meditation practice? I’ve been a long-time practitioner of meditation…

    84 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence, AI and A Healthy Dose of Skepticism

    Emotional Intelligence, AI and A Healthy Dose of Skepticism

    Every month, I share matters close to my heart, stimulating ideas, and some useful tips and leads – all having to do in…

    118 条评论
  • Emotional Intelligence for the Future

    Emotional Intelligence for the Future

    Every month, I share matters close to my heart, stimulating ideas, and some useful tips and leads – all having to do in…

    230 条评论

社区洞察

其他会员也浏览了