A Checklist for Mentors and Mentees

Mentoring is more than just a professional relationship - it's a powerful catalyst for growth, learning, and transformation that is often under-utilised in talent development.

As we celebrate National Mentoring Day on October 27th, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the impact mentoring has on both mentors and mentees alike. Whether you’re guiding or being guided, having a clear roadmap ensures a rewarding journey for both parties. That’s why I've created this essential checklist to help mentors and mentees navigate their path to success.

The role of a mentor

A mentor is generally considered to be someone who facilitates change in their mentee by providing new perspectives and helping them to explore issues faced by the Mentee in the work context. Think of them as an experienced and trusted advisor.

Frequency, location and content of the meetings should be discussed and agreed at the first meeting, but overall responsibility for the mentoring relationship is, in my view, driven by the mentee.

The mentor may provide specific advice to the mentee, based on their own experience, but where possible, the mentor should aim to support the mentee in coming to their own conclusions and decisions and to take responsibility for their work and career.

Mentoring is a rich source of self-learning and personal growth . . . when our enjoyment comes from the difference we make to other people, mentoring becomes a living definition of the term "win-win" (Julie Starr, 2014)

Things to consider before the first meeting (for both mentor and mentee)

• When and where might we meet? Geography may dictate that the meeting will be online (this is certainly the case with my mentees who are based overseas). Consider where you would both feel comfortable as well as what time of day would work best for both parties.
• What are some questions you could ask to get to know the other party a little better, without feeling as though you are prying?
• What are some things that you could share about yourself that would help you to get to know each other a little better? Which parts of your life story may be interesting and relevant to share?
• What would you like to get out of the mentoring relationship? What are your hopes? Concerns? Fears?
• How can you find out what the other party hopes to get out of it? What questions might you ask to glean this information?
• Mentees - consider drafting a preliminary Personal Development Plan or set of objectives for the mentoring relationship to review during the first meeting. This will help to set the tone for how you will work together and ensure that your mentor knows exactly what you would like ot achieve

The First Meeting

The objective of your first meeting is to establish a firm foundation for the relationship by allowing time for you to get to know each other and by agreeing a clear contract for the mentoring.

Things to include for this meeting are:

• Share a bit about yourselves. It's important that you talk about who you are, both personally and professionally, so be prepared to disclose information about your life and personal history as well as your professional history, it helps to build trust.
• Discuss the expectations that both of you have for the relationship
• Mentees, share your preliminary development goals with your mentor and gain their feedback and ideas. Ensure that by the end of the meeting, you are both clear about the goals.
• Agree the frequency and timing of future meetings. As a guide, mentoring meetings generally last between 60 - 90 minutes (the first one is normally longer) and take place every 4 - 6 weeks over a 6 - 8 month period. Some pairings prefer to have meetings outside of office hours and some prefer daytime meetings, share your preferences but remain flexible.
• Agree the necessary contributions that you both must make so the relationship will work, for example committing to meetings, being open to ideas and feedback etc
• Set up a procedure for handling informal contacts between your formal sessions to ensure that they are manageable for both of you
• Agree what to do if either of you feels the relationship is not working well or has run its course (with most formal mentoring programmes, there is a programme co-ordinator whom you can contact for guidance about terminating the relationship or getting it back on track)
• Determine who has the chief responsibility for driving the relationship - as mentioned above, my view is that this should be the mentee
• Discuss confidentiality and agree what remains confidential between you and what is permitted to share outside the meeting. Depending on how the relationship is formed, for example within a company or a professional group, you may be required to disclose some information such as the number and duration of your meetings and the themes of your conversations (without disclosing unnecessary information). Get clear on this before you begin
• Agree a rough structure for the meetings, but use this flexibly. I ask my mentees to forward their main objective for our upcoming meeting, this gives me the chance to think about useful questions to ask or resources to bring, ensuring that we make the most of our time together
• Agree how you will deal with the costs of tea/coffee/meals if you are meeting in person - don't assume that the mentor should always pick up the tab. Also consider transport costs, is there a mid-point that would work for you both? I agreed to meet one mentee in the cafe at John Lewis in High Wycombe as this was an easy point for both of us to reach, the parking was free and it was quiet at our agreed meeting time!

Moving forwards

• Reaffirm your confidentiality agreement at the beginning of each meeting
• Understand that your mentor/mentee's view and experience of the world may be different to your own. Be curious about each other's perspectives, experiences and ideas and stay open to another point of view.
• Ask open ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no"
• Take time to listen to the response without interrupting, asking additional questions for clarification
• Be prepared to suspend judgement until you have really heard and understood the other person's perspective
• Avoid lecturing or passing judgement but do not avoid positive challenge and constructive feedback
• Be sensitive to cultural and gender differences and don't be afraid to discuss these respectfully
• Summarise key insights and agree next steps and agree a date and time for your next meeting
• Enjoy it! Mentoring should be enjoyable for both mentor and mentee, if it's not, reflect on what you need in order to change how you are feeling and share this with your other party. This could be something as simple as changing the date, time or venue or creating a deeper connection that will help you both to open up. Request support from the programme co-ordinator if you have one.

All good things must come to an end (or should they?)

The biggest difference between coaching and mentoring relationships is that coaching relationships are generally shorter in duration and have a fixed end date. Mentoring relationships are generally longer in duration and don't always have a fixed end date, unless it is part of a formal mentoring programme.

There are many famous mentoring relationships that have lasted years, such as Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey and Robert Redford and Quentin Tarantino and there is no reason why yours cannot continue beyond the boundaries of any programme you may be part of.

The important thing is that you both decide whether to sever or continue the relationship after the programme has reached its formal end point.

As a mentor, I have done both. I have severed relationships that I did not wish to continue and I have also closed the formal relationship whilst leaving the proverbial door open should my mentee require specific advice concerning a specific challenge that they may be facing. It's such a pleasure when a former mentee gets back in touch.

Just as you did at the beginning of the relationship, agree if or how you are going to continue.

In summary

As we commemorate National Mentoring Day, it's clear that mentoring is a mutual journey of growth, learning, and connection. By following this checklist, both mentors and mentees can build a relationship that is not only productive but also mutually rewarding.

Whether you’re offering guidance or seeking it, remember that the true power of mentoring lies in the shared commitment to each other's success. Let this day be a reminder that every conversation, piece of advice, and moment of support can make a lasting impact.

Together, we can continue to inspire, uplift, and grow.

I have been mentoring on a pro-bono basis for over 14 years, supporting mentees within Mauritius Institute of Directors (MIoD) , 英国牛津布鲁克斯大学 (School of Hospitality Management), the London Chapter of PWN London (Professional Women's Network) and PushFar - The Mentoring & Career Progression Platform . The above is a list of hints and tips that I have gathered as part of my experience.

If you are looking to implement a mentoring programme in your organisation, please get in touch and let me see how I can help you.