Check Your Shoes

Ever have this thought?

Everywhere I go, things suck/people are a pain/nothing is good! I was like this once. Luckily, I had some good friends (good friends can be annoying sometimes, though - they tell you the truth, even when you're not ready to hear it!).?

“Hey man, if it smells like s*** everywhere you go, you might want to check your shoes.”

Well, that wasn't fun to hear.?

But he was right. Yeah, there were some challenges in my life, but the common denominator? Me. And when I got to that point of feeling like I was out of control and couldn't possible do anything about it – that was when I actually needed to take action the most. But the problem is - where do I start??

Here are a few tips on how I started to scrape the mess off and strengthen the important relationships in my life: ?

1. Is It You? Check Your Shoes.

We’ve all had those days where everything feels like it’s falling apart:

• Work’s a grind.
• Your relationship feels like it's tanking.
• The kids? Forget about it.
• Hobbies? What hobbies?

Here’s the kicker: when life smells a little funky, maybe it’s time to check your shoes. Yep, you might be the common denominator.

It’s easy to think, “It can’t be me; it’s gotta be everything else,” but here’s the reality: change starts from the ground up—literally. Take a look down and ask yourself, what am I bringing to the mess?

2. The Real Fix: Own Your Part

Here’s what I learned (the hard way): The problem wasn’t just work, my spouse, or the kids. And it also wasn't always me.?

But still - I had to learn to take responsibility.

I expected everyone to bend to my needs. I thought compromising meant giving up everything I believed in. I wasn’t owning my responsibilities—at home, at work, or in my relationship.

Want to fix things? Start with yourself. Doesn't mean you're always wrong or not a good person - it's just the only thing we can really control!

• Listen more, talk less.
• Ask questions instead of assuming.
• Take responsibility.

Once I started doing that, everything shifted. And it didn’t happen overnight. I had to show up every day, take things seriously, and work on me.

3. Patience is Key: Change Takes Time

The hardest part? Realizing change doesn’t happen overnight. Neither did the problems I was trying to fix. I didn’t get into this mess in a day, a week, or even a month. So, why expect a quick fix?

It took time, consistency, and proving that my shift was real. I had to take my home life as seriously as I took my job. Here’s what worked for me:

• Daily contributions to chores.
• Engaging more with the kids.
• Setting boundaries for family time.
• Showing my wife that work wouldn’t always come first.

It wasn’t easy, but those small, consistent actions paid off. And they will for you too. Patience and persistence are your best friends here.

4. Stop Regretting What You Said: Master the Breathe, Reflect, Respond Method

Ever said something in the heat of the moment and immediately wished you hadn’t? Yeah, me too. (I see you, mother-in-law jokes.)

Most arguments escalate because we react, not respond. Here's where the Breathe, Reflect, Respond method comes in handy:

• Breathe: Take a deep breath—seriously, it’s hard to argue while inhaling. I like to imagine myself alone in a snowy cabin when people start getting heated. Sometimes I imagine they’re the ones in the cabin for a timeout.
• Reflect: Ask yourself, “What’s really making me mad right now?” Is it stress from the chaos of life, or are you just looking for control in an uncontrollable situation?
• Respond: Use “I” statements and ditch the blame game. Instead of “You’re messy and let’s talk about your mother,” try, “I know things have been crazy. How about we tackle this together after dinner?”

Suddenly, you’re cool, calm, and collected—and people notice. You become the person who can handle anything without breaking a sweat.

5. Take the Next Step: Phone a Friend! Don't do this alone! Phone a friend, send a text, reply to this email, anything. Just know that there is no shame in needing the help. You may even find another perspective somewhere else.?

Follow me on LinkedIn: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/don-stinson/

Btw - I work with guys to stop fighting with their wife. It’s a 1:1 and I’m in the early validation stage of this offer. If you know of anyone that might benefit, please let them know. Completely confidential, and after the validation stage, prices go up. We've already had results in less than a week with the guys I'm working with.

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www.donstinson.net