Check In With Your Face

?“You scare people, Lee. You scrunch up your face and you look like you’re about to yell…even though you don’t.”

This is the message a brave and nervous Double Forte colleague delivered to me about 10 years ago, much to my dismay. The team had obviously been talking about me, and he’d been volunteered to let me know that I was not delivering the messages I thought I was.

OOMPH.

“That’s my thinking face,” I explained. “It’s been my thinking face since high school.” And then I shared that my 11th grade English teacher, Miss Stanhope (AKA "Yoda"), had pointed out that whenever I was thinking, I pressed my nose, not very attractively. So, I stopped doing that, and then two decades later, I found out that instead of just pushing my nose in, I’d been scaring the people around me with my thinking face.

I spent a few months looking at myself in the mirror to understand what it did when I was talking, thinking, singing, sitting quietly, whatever. It was a revelation. (See what I did there?) I shared this with my whole team and asked them to let me know when they thought my face didn’t match my intention. It took a while. I probably get it right 75% of the time now.

According to UCLA Professor Albert Mehrabian, who pioneered the understanding of communications in the 1960s, 55% of communication is conveyed through facial expressions.? (H/T Linda H. Yates )?

One thing you can do to make sure you’re delivering the message you want to: match your face to the message.

• First, understand your face. With Zoom we are seeing ourselves a lot more than we used to. Watch your face during a few calls. Do you look bored? Agitated?
• Ask a colleague to watch you and give you feedback.
• Practice speaking in front of the mirror. Delivering a good message? Does your face say so? Pro tip: Don’t scrunch up your face or furrow your brow. Delivering a negative message? A wide smile will not help you.

• Record yourself during a few calls and review. Did your face say what your words did?

Clarity happens when everything you do works to deliver the same message or intention. Don't waste time delivering mixed messages when your words don't tell the story your face does.?