Chasing Yourself?

Chasing Your Best Self

I study inspiring communicators and analyze their craft or ability to connect with an audience.

I believe in the power of transparency and vulnerability—both with yourself and with others. True strength isn’t found in chasing confidence alone but in the courage to be real. When we hide our struggles, we carry the weight of pretense, but when we embrace honesty, we find freedom.

I know this firsthand. I wrestle with doubt—about my work, my calling, and whether I’m truly where I’m meant to be. I fear failure because I’ve lived it. I’ve poured everything into a vision, only to watch it collapse in front of me. I’ve failed more times than I can count. I have hit it out of the park in other arenas, yet I love it all. And yet, amid it all, I’ve found peace—not in pretending to have it all together, but in choosing to show up as my authentic self, regardless of the outcome.

But as I master my craft, I enjoy mastery and love excellence.

I am not who I used to be. Not who I want to be.

But I am chasing who I can become.

How do you balance fear and self-doubt with confidence and inspiration for others? It's simple, but it's not easy. This balance is never final until we grow.

The Chase: Pursuing Success Without Losing Yourself

Chasing success without alignment is like running a marathon on shifting sand—it’s exhausting, unstable, and unsustainable. True success isn’t just about achievements; it’s about congruence—the ability to align your public, private, and secret lives.

Huge thanks to @Alisa Nicaud for helping Phil live this book and for writing to help women flourish in faith & overcome in life through the power of God’s Word.

https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/flourishingtoday/

My friend and mentor, @Phil Nicaud, best explains this in his book?Character Code.?The book explores how leaders can make a lasting impact by maintaining alignment in every area of life. As Phil often says,?“We lead what we need.”?This means that the lessons we teach and the principles we stand on are usually the ones we have to fight to learn ourselves.

The?Marine Corps?doesn’t distribute manuals on character-based leadership, so when Phil separated in 1997, he had to build his leadership framework from scratch. After founding?Legendary Leadership Consultants, he noticed that even great leaders struggled with this challenge: managing the tension between personal integrity and external success.

So he took action. He hired a research assistant and asked a critical question:

?? “How does a leader serve honorably for 25 years or more with no moral, ethical, or financial failures that kick them off the seat?”

After four years of research and interviews with top-tier leaders across industries, he discovered key patterns of success. These weren’t just tips or best practices—they were foundational principles that allowed leaders to maintain influence and integrity over the long haul.

Phil originally wrote?the Character Code?for himself, his family, and his clients. However, it was too valuable to keep to himself like all great truths. He shared it with the world, hoping it would?bring health, strength, and longevity?to every leader who reads it.

The real chase isn’t just about achieving success—it’s about keeping it without losing yourself.

? What’s one area in your life where you feel the tension between success and alignment?

I always enjoy learning the craft of inspiration, but one day, as I sat in my home feeling sorry for myself, a powerful speech by Matthew McConaughey caught my attention.

I always emphasize honesty,?often telling friends and those closest to me that I am only as strong as I am honest.

In Matthew’s speech to accept an award in front of the most influential people in Hollywood, he captured their attention by speaking about something many spend their lives searching for—he outlined three essentials for living a meaningful life:

Someone to look up to: McConaughey thanked God, crediting Him for the opportunities and blessings in his life. He shared the influential concept that "gratitude reciprocates," encouraging the audience to reflect on the divine influence in their journeys.?

Someone to look forward to: His family, especially his late father and mother, gave him a foundation of respect and strength. He lovingly described how his father's influence and his mother's lessons shaped him into the man he is today. His wife and children motivate him to strive and succeed, driving him to be a better person for their sake.?

Someone to chase: McConaughey revealed that his hero is always himself, but ten years in the future. This personal chase inspires him to improve, knowing that while he'll never fully "arrive," the pursuit of becoming his best self keeps him moving forward.

McConaughey emphasized the value of the journey over the destination, saying that we all need people in our lives and inspiration inside us to chase who we can become—not just what we do.

So—how do we pursue the best versions of ourselves without becoming exhausted and burned out from constantly pursuing improvement? Is it possible to accept ourselves as we are, content with our current circumstances while continuing to chase whom we want to become??

In her article “Why Are High Achievers Often Unhappy?” Dr. Sabrina Romanoff explores the complex relationship between contentment and achievement.

She discusses how high achievers frequently view contentment as a threat, associating it with mediocrity or failure. They rely on their perceived inadequacies as fuel, driving them to strive for more constantly. While this mindset pushes them toward success, it can also lead to isolation, insecurity, and a sense of never truly being equal to others.

The emotional toll of this constant dissatisfaction is significant. Dr. Romanoff suggests that instead of more arduous efforts, rechanneling this energy toward more innovative, more strategic goals can yield success without the heavy emotional burden.? The idea is that true satisfaction—being "satisfied"—comes from enjoying the process of growth, not the product of goals.

Keep your focus on the present without getting lost in the future. While external achievements bring temporary satisfaction, true contentment is achieved through enjoying the process of chasing after your best self. It's about growing in every area of your life, seeing clues around you, seeking understanding, and learning about yourself.

The truth behind this lesson is simple: chasing your potential has no end.?

You will have ambition, goals, desires, and a passion for results. There will be times when you need to chase after your goals because that is the nature of the chase in life and work. Your potential and ability have lids, but your growth and capacity do not!

You will always have unknown capacity and settle for less until you chase your best.

And to be clear, your best doesn’t mean perfection. Who do you know who tries to chase perfection? Do they ever arrive?

Instead, choose to chase excellence. Chase yourself ten years in the future. Chase the best version of “you” that you can become.

Nothing shifts your perspective—and ultimately your thoughts, actions, and life—quite like a great question. The right question leads to understanding, and the depth of our answers depends on the depth of what we ask. Better questions create better answers. But the real power of a question isn’t in getting the answer—it’s in the process of wrestling with it. That’s why the best mentors and leaders don’t just hand out solutions; they challenge us to think, reflect, and grow.

I’m obsessed with inspiration, influence, and real life. As my book Real Life Lessons of Inspiration for Leaders (coming in 2025) comes together, I’ve realized that writing isn’t just something I do—it’s something I have to do.

Every time I sit down to write, it fuels me. I see inspiration everywhere—in conversations, in struggles, in leadership, and in the way people push through challenges. That’s why I write. I want to capture those real-life moments that help people not just chase success but actually live it with authenticity and purpose.

For me, Real Life with Joey is more than content—it’s my way of sharing the lessons I’ve learned and the inspiration I’ve found along the way. If it helps just one person see their own journey differently, then it’s worth it.

"Inspiration isn’t found in having all the answers—it’s found in learning how to ask the right questions."

With that in mind, here are ten questions to challenge your thinking and unlock new levels of growth:

1. What is one lesson life has been trying to teach me?
2. Where have I been showing up out of obligation instead of inspiration?
3. What is the one thing I keep putting off that I know would change my life?
4. How would I live today if I knew it was my last?
5. What’s one fear I need to face head-on?
6. Who in my life needs encouragement right now?
7. Am I chasing influence or living from inspiration?
8. What’s the biggest lie I’ve believed about success?
9. If I could only be remembered for one thing, what would it be?
10. What’s stopping me from taking the next step?

The real power of these questions isn’t just in answering them—it’s in letting them shape how you chase Real-Life Inspiration.