Chasing Happiness

I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day. He is a doctor. He asked me if I was truly happy? It took me a minute, and then I said no. After some reflection on that, I don't think it's a bad thing. I'm a philosopher. And ever since I took my meditation practice to a deeper level {30 plus years ago}, happiness was no longer the goal. The goal became real. Or the search for it.

I can very easily disengage from life, people and pain. But letting go isn't always about real. It sometimes is about not feeling. And that is a very dangerous place to be. The focus for me lately, is about what is happening, how is it happening? Then to be unaffected by it. Move straight into acceptance. It's a Zen move. And that is a powerful place to be.

Eternal happiness is unrealistic. I like the changing of the seasons. I like to feel my emotions as they come up. By shifting the focus to what and how things are happening, somehow offers great comfort and ease. Bliss is not the goal. Probably why I don't drink, do drugs or anything else that will alter my state of consciousness. That may change down the road. But for today, it's all about the "feels".

What are you searching for? Me? Understanding. I want to understand and then use that knowledge for service. Some of the worst days of my life, my wife and I would sit on the front step and just talk. On the best days of my life, we still are doing the same thing. The only difference is the view. There is comfort in communication. And that is as real as it gets.

Chasing happiness? Nope. Am I happy? I am pleased. I love the man I became. I love that my entire life has been about service. I've had incredible highs and incredible lows. And the only thing that comes to mind at this moment, is thank you. Thank you God, for keeping it real. Thank you for helping me face and embrace it. I wouldn't change a thing, even if I could. Because I never chased happiness. I chased real. And life certainly didn't disappoint.