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Twenty-Something

Being an early twenty-something is both beautiful and sometimes, ugly. It’s a journey of happiness, heartbreak and all of the emotions that fall in between. Easily put, it’s an adventure towards self-discovery. Being so young can feel as if any mistake or failure means the end of the world.?

The other day I received yet another piece of mail about student loans and similar to any other time, I set it aside knowing I’m going to pay it off. Although, something about this time was different. As any typical grandmother-grandson banter may go, she told me that it’s time to get ready to do adult things. And like Alice, down the rabbit hole I went.

*Cue quarter-life crisis* Asking for a friend here, what does it really mean to be an adult and why the hell is it so scary?

The Kids Are Alright

One observation that I’ve made throughout the twenty-something years I’ve been on Earth, more times than not, whenever I ask people about life after college I’m met with, “it just gets worse from here.” A+ for enthusiasm, I guess? Hearing this time and time again has shaped my perception of what adulthood looks like and that has probably contributed to the mixed feelings I have when it comes to growing up. Transitioning into adulthood can be hard because you’re always trying to find out what it really means to be an adult. And with that, you may neglect that side of you that still embodies your child-like tendencies. No matter how much you try to hide it, it’s there. Getting into the nitty gritty of the glorified hustle and bustle lifestyle is addicting, but it can, and will consume you.

As I’ve gotten older, birthdays don’t feel as happy. Christmas doesn’t feel as merry. And I think it’s because as adults, we try to adopt the mindset that some of the things we used to thoroughly enjoy as children don’t meet the status quo. There’s nothing wrong with wearing a birthday hat and using a party blower. Leave milk and cookies out for Santa Claus even if your big sister told you he’s fake (thanks, Tazia). Retaining and creating your own traditions as an adult keeps the inner child in all of us young. No need for them to grow up in a world that caused a lot of us to mature at an early age.?

I’m a huge Spider-Man fan. And you know what? I wore a Miles Morales costume to the No Way Home premiere because why not? Yes, I got a few laughs directed towards me. Who cares? If 4-year-old Chase saw Miles Morales in a movie theater, I know for certain he’d be hyped.?

... I guess some things never change, eh?

You Ain’t Got the Answers, Sway... And That’s Okay

I take pride in being a natural planner. I want A to work so I’ll get to B, then I’ll finally end up at C. Well, sometimes, A falls through, so I gotta jump to C and then come back to B. And other times, A works and B doesn’t, so I’m stuck figuring out how to get to C. Same song, different verse. You know how it goes. Having a plan is always a good idea, but like a lot of things, plans are meant to change. You have to be okay with being flexible due to factors that are entirely out of your control.

Truthfully, even with a plan, I still don’t know what I’m doing. And after experiencing such a life-altering pandemic, millions of other people probably share the same sentiment. We’ve all had to shift our lives in a plethora of ways that no one had the time or chance to prepare for. Navigating post-grad life at that, has been such a limbo of an experience.?

Reflecting on my college career, I’ve done so much and have enjoyed a lot of success. When asked how I’ve gotten to where I am, I honestly don’t know how to answer. I just did it. People praise me, saying how far I’ll go in life, jokingly telling me “not to forget them once I make it big.” It’s flattering, of course, although after a while I started to feel as if I had no choice but to meet those expectations or else I’d be seen as a failure which isn’t the slightest bit true. My resume is great, LinkedIn is up-to-date, and my website is aesthetically pleasing. From the outside, I’ve done almost everything by the book. I’ve worked so hard and it has paid off. Why do I still have this sense of self-doubt and uncertainty?

For something that’s supposed to be freeing, it’s as though I’ve become enslaved by my greatest strength and weakness. My ego. Tirelessly trying to prove to myself that I’m worthy of reaping the benefits of the life that I’m building. And it’s because I’ve always looked for an answer to what the future holds when really, no one has it.?

Career coach, Liz Bentley said it best,

“The ego works against us when it pushes us into fear.”

Trust me, I know it’s scary to not have the answers to everything.

And that's okay.

Firsts and Lasting Thoughts

There are a bunch of firsts that’ll come with being a twenty-something that seem like amazing milestones on the surface, yet the thought of them can be suffocating. Getting your first apartment, car, salary paying job, serious relationship, et cetera. It’s not like it’s anything we haven’t done before, right?

The thought of “firsts” sounds so intimidating when it doesn’t have to be. We’ve already done these things in much, much simpler steps. Some of us packed up, left home, and lived on our own… in a shoebox dorm room. That salary paying job? You did a fellowship that paid full-time money with full-time hours. Serious relationships come with hard decisions and you did that when you told your ex you gotta go your own way. You already have some of the experience. It’s just a different scenery this time.?

You’re probably thinking, “sheesh, can he just get to the point of this think piece already?” Well, here it is. I say all of this to say, when you look into the abyss, don’t think too much. Just jump. When you’re in the dark, your eyes adjust and like that, you’ll be on your way.?

The same thing applies to coming into adulthood. Sometimes not knowing what you’re doing is the best thing you can do. Because eventually, you’ll look back and think about why you were even worried in the first place.?