Charisma: what creates it?

I made an interesting conclusion recently. Well actually, I already knew this, but to experience it for myself created a whole new level of knowing within me.

As most of you know, I started attending dance lessons a month ago. I found myself being very drawn to this dance teacher -- she is confident, mysterious, an attractive mix of masculine and feminine energy, and such a master in her craft. I found myself thinking: "Oh wow, I wanna be like her."

We have very different energies, by the way. If you've met me, or followed me long enough, you'll describe me as someone that's bubbly, radiant, childlike, and energetic. When you say "hi" to me, I'll say "hiiii!!!!!" back with all of my radiant being. Whereas for this teacher, she never initiates nor continues conversations. She's aloof yet alluring. She's many things I'm not, or at least, I perceive that I'm not.

For a brief moment I find myself wanting to be like her... until, I found myself being very drawn to another dance teacher -- she's animated, bubbly, energetic, socially inclusive, empathetic, and also such a master in her craft.

In that moment I got hit with a realisation: What makes me drawn to someone is not the specific personality traits they have, but it is how they show up with unapologetic authenticity.

Here are two dance teachers who are extremely different personalities, yet both so charismatic and attractive to me.

Charisma: What creates it? Let's get curious.

The definition of charisma is this: exercising a compelling charm that inspires devotion in others

For the first teacher: what compels me is her mysterious aura and how damn good she is in her craft, it inspires me to put a certain level of discipline and precision in my dance journey.

For the second teacher: what compels me is her genuine care for her students, how inviting and friendly she is, how encouraging she is as she teaches. She's the kind of teacher that makes you want to do well because you really like her.

This experience has made me truly reflect on what makes someone charismatic. "Charisma" is something I teach. I've often shared that being charismatic includes:

• being a good listener
• eye contact
• asking good questions
• being engaging in a conversation
• making someone feel seen and heard

These are all things I do effortlessly, because I've been trained to do so after 10 years of emceeing events in front of CEOs, ministers and more. But now I have a different perspective. I've actually met someone who have nothing in the list above, and yet, I find charismatic.

So Charisma: What creates it? I find that it requires:

1. A clear and confident sense of self -- knowing who you are, what compels you, and what you stand for
2. Expressing yourself with unapologetic authenticity -- and if people don't vibe, they simply don't
3. Understanding the context and what it requires -- we are all complex, multi-faceted beings. Some contexts may require us to show more of a certain side of us, and the trick is in knowing how to show up in a way that both suits the context and retains our authenticity.

TLDR: Charisma comes effortlessly when we are self-assured. It is when we are comfortable in our own skin, that we speak up and show up in our own brand of allure and charisma.

What's attractive to you may not be attractive to someone else. Similarly, what strikes you as charismatic, may not be charismatic to someone else. The secret to developing your own brand of charisma, is to simply become more of the version of you that you find attractive, and your people will come.

Here's how:

1. Think of a few people that you admire/ look up to. What exactly do you admire? What are the character traits, personality traits, skillsets of values that are attractive to you? List them down.
2. Go down the list and ask yourself: In what ways do I already own or express this trait? (i.e. if you admire someone's dedication and mastery of their craft, ask yourself -- in what ways do you also possess dedication and mastery of your craft?)
3. What are some of my quirks that make me unapologetically me? (If you struggle with this question, ask a few of your close friends)

These 3 questions in itself is a great start to owning your own brand of charisma. And if you're a rising leader at work or in your business, this is the start to creating your unique personal brand.

Start owning your own brand of charisma: Join me in my 6-months Own Your Voice Coaching Program, where we learn not only the technicalities of how to speak charismatically on stages and on social media, but most importantly, how to create a home within you so that charismatic speaking is effortless and easy.

If you choose to take this opportunity in this season of your life to journey with me and oyv peeps, let me hold space for you in a 45 mins discovery call. You’ll leave with a clearer idea of what Owning Your Voice looks like for you in this season of life.

About this newsletter:

I want to have conversations about the topics that are uncomfortable yet liberating to discuss. I want to hear your perspectives and stories. If anything I've written sparked a flame within you, I'd love to hear it. It doesn't have to be a professional opinion or a finished story, it can simply be a thought or a feeling.

I release a newsletter every Friday, 6pm SGT (or sometimes a day after... when inspiration hits). I have to confess, I tend to release it on time via my email list. If you prefer to receive them via email, sign up in the link in comments. I send other bonus resources via email that I don't do so here.