Charisma is a Learnable Skill
"Who are you?"
"What do you value?"
"What kind of vibe do you have around you?"
"What kind of boundaries do you have?"
If I were to ask you these 4 questions, let's say in 3 different contexts: when you're presenting your findings at work, when you are at a casual social event, and when you are among your family and friends. Your answers to these 3 will differ in each case.
We don't ask these questions to ourselves that often, neither do we respect the fluidity of our 'being'. Our minds have a compulsion to identify and label, and it does no less than an amazing job when it comes to our personalities. We often find ourselves labeling certain personality types. And then we justify our calcified ruts and behavior patterns with these types.
And from similar thinking, the run-of-the-mill idea arises "charismatic people are born that way—as naturally expressive and persuasive extroverts”. People use this thought to declare that charisma can’t be learned.
Arguably, people who are naturally good with others often can't put a finger on what exactly they are doing differently. So it becomes hard to point out the actionable learning steps to achieve charisma.
Contrary to the dictionary definition of charisma being 'the divine grace', it has been proven time and again that this is something that can be mastered. If you were to think about it, everyone has the same emotions, thoughts, and can use their voice and expressions in any capacity.
So what exactly does being charismatic entail?
If you can persuade or engage with someone, establish deep personal connections, exhibit moral credibility, and be someone whose presence adds value to people; you will naturally become likable and impactful.
It's oftentimes the "How" part that puzzles people. This puzzled me too, as I was obsessed with finding out the practical steps to learn charisma. I still am...
The key to learning charisma is this:
- Remove any tensions, inhibitions, rationalization, self-doubts from your head while in the moment
- Isolate and exercise your voice, body language, facial expressions, and intuition.
- Learn the skills to put style, structure, and energy in your interactions
- Internalize all of the above in your new reality through practice.
Over time you'll start seeing surprising results with people, which might often make you say "Wow, is this really me?". Surely it is you, nothing has changed. It's only that you have learned to access and present your true authentic self, something was always there.
People often don't remember what you say, but they hardly forget how you made them feel. And it can make or break a deal. A good example can be quoted from the world of sales.
"People don't buy on logic, they buy on their emotion and then later justify their decision with logic."
-Jordan Belfort
Your capacity to invoke the right emotions can totally transform each and every interaction you have; be it delivering a speech, pitching an idea in a meeting, having business dinners, social events, or your personal lives. By not learning to get better with people, you might be sitting on a huge compounding opportunity cost.
So the question is: What do you choose to do? Do you take action to get better with people, or would you still argue that 'some people are just naturally great with others and it is not for me'?
If you want to learn the exact practical steps and see how these can be implemented in your reality send me a connection request or a direct message. I'll work personally with you to figure out a detailed strategy tailored to your goals.
-Varun Kirti