The Charisma Checklist

This post, and many others, appear on my blog here.

Charisma … a mysterious magical quality that leaders all want, but few have … it’s so difficult to define, it’s … you know … a je ne sais quoi thing … you know it when you see it ….

This is an question that crops up on leadership programmes all the time: how can I be a more charismatic leader?

Unfortunately this is not my strength – I am far too lost in my own head most of the time to project even the mildest charismatic energy and warmth – so I did a bit of research …

It’s always good to start with a definition:

charisma (noun)

1. a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure (such as a political leader)

2 a special magnetic charm or appeal

Reference

Well, thanks a bunch dictionary, words like magic and special don’t feel like tangible things we can learn (“just be more magical!”), so I tried to demystify it, and work out some basics that seem to make a difference.

The first point to note is that charisma is not a quality of a person as such, it is a set of simple behaviours that together improve the warmth and quality of an interaction with other people: in other words, charisma happens within a relationship, it’s about how we make other people feel.

So, I did a bit more research to see what behaviours contribute toward being more charismatic, and came up with this incomplete list:

1. Self-confidence

Research has shown that having the right level of self-confidence is the foundation of charisma – the right level means not so much that it looks like arrogance, and not so little that it looks wishy-washy – and whichever side of that spectrum we naturally err toward, the point is to pay attention and take a considered and skilful approach to trying to get the balance right.

For those of us who’ve had a rough ride in this department, I found the Sociometer Theory useful. This is the idea that our predisposition for self-confidence is based on our history of social acceptance and rejection. Others may prefer other theories, but this tallies with my own experience:

The Sociometer Theory suggests that self-esteem is an internal gauge of the degree to which one is included vs. excluded by others (Leary, 2006). This theory rests on the conception of self-esteem as an internal individual perception of social acceptance and rejection.

There is some strong evidence for the accuracy and applicability of this theory. For example, studies have shown that the outcomes of events on people’s self-esteem generally match up with their assumptions about how the same events would cause other people to accept or reject them (Leary, Tambor, Terdal, & Downs, 1995).

(Reference: Positive Psychology: What Is Self-Confidence? (+ 9 Proven Ways to Increase It) accessed July 2018).

2. Presence

The easiest way to show we value someone as a person is to connect by giving them our focused attention, and then listening to what they say – really listening to understand, letting them finish their point, and not interrupting or anticipating!

Compare and contrast Queen Victoria’s reflections on the two outstanding British political figures of the late 19th Century: the dour, learned and argumentative William Gladstone, always correcting people, versus the charming Benjamin Disraeli:

After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I felt like he was the most fascinating person in England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli, I felt like I was the most fascinating person in England.

3. Assume positive intent

One of the quickest ways to smother your charisma is to be a world-weary cynic … those who see the worst meaning in every question asked, or the double-edge of every compliment received, those who peer at life through negative lenses, finding the bleakest possible interpretation of the most benign of actions … it’s exhausting, it could drain the energy from a nuclear power station.

The opposite approach, that of always assuming positive intent, is a breath of summer breeze, it’s pure charm and energy … just having our questions considered constructively and positively, our compliments accepted at face value with grateful thanks, our conversation – however clunky or wrong we might get it – to find someone willing to give us the benefit of the doubt and help us say what we want to say … oh, it’s like diving into a delicious cool sea on a hot summer’s day …

4. React! Be expressive!

I was working with someone recently whose charisma was making her stand out from the group in such a way that it caught my attention. What is she doing? I thought … yes, she is self-confident, present and funny, but she is also facially expressive in a warm and positive way.

This was a big contrast to my own miserable countenance and inexpressive features – I look like I was born to play poker at a funeral – and perhaps my own inability in this area is why it struck me. Us introverts struggle a bit more with this, but as charisma is outward-facing skill, about making others feel connected and valued, our body language and facial cues are a powerful way to improve how we impact others.

5. Communicate like you mean it

Communication with clarity, conviction and empathy … if you’re passionate, let it show, if you can speak with some humility and wit, do so … but keep it focussed and clear, like you’ve thought about what you’re saying and you mean it.

There is a cultural angle to all these points, but especially so with this last one. Direct communication can sound aggressive in some cultures – or at least disrespectful – and so this should be tuned to the cultural context.

There are other factors which can be included in the mysterious world of charisma, my list is not exhaustive, but it’s a start, pulled together from observation of leaders over many years, and some research including this from Hoffeld Group, this from the Gentleman’s Journal, and this from Inc.

What's with the photo?

The photo at the top of this post is from the stunning Mosque-Cathedral in Córdoba, Spain - its beauty is not from the usual method of piling glitzy glitter on to shiny gilt in a way that becomes overwhelming to the senses (see the Vatican Museum for an example of that), it is through the consistent repetition of simple elegance - the two-tone arches that individually are nothing to write home about, but together they build on each other, the beauty - the impact - growing, not palling, as their number increase ... which is sort of a metaphor for charismatic behaviours if you think about it.

This post, and many others, appear on my blog here