CHARACTER FORMATION: THE PRINCIPLE OF ROLE MODELLING
Character formation is the goal of parenting because it informs the sort of routines to adopt to test out our parenting gifts. Just recently, while brooding on my leadership and parenting skills, I discovered a profound verse in John 5:19 which showed me a terrible lapse in my parenting. I realized that very often as parents we have very high expectations of our children from their performance in school to their social habits and even to their purpose and vision in life. We do not cut them any slack at all, after all, we were raised in similar ways too. We are fond of demanding a lot from our children that we resort to bullying them sometimes subtly without realizing it. When they fall short of our expectations, we pounce on them with brutal words shredding away every fibre of confidence they have. Why it is frightening is because we never fully realize that we are bullying our children when we demand too much for their level of maturity to grasp or when we impose our values on them without showing them why these are important. We all shout sometimes of course because our children can be so annoying sometimes. They sure have their moments when mischief seeps through their attitude.
Jesus provided an amazing insight in the how of parenting children; he revealed three principles that every wise parent models and teaches to their children.
“… the Son does nothing on His own. The Son watches closely and then
mimics the work of the Father. The Father loves the Son, so He does not hide
His actions. Instead He shows Him everything.”
Principle 1: Relationship Nurtures Character
Steve Covey once said, “Trust is the glue of life. It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships”. This is so profound. Our growing relationship with a new born baby is a function of trust. They are unaware of their vulnerability when they thrust their lives to us. This is the place we all need to get to with our children. Earn their trust through an active and intimate relationship.
Every success and failure thrive or falter on relationships. In parenting, our position may be seemingly authoritarian because our job description involves giving rules, creating routines, enforcing discipline and providing direction but we must also develop our listening listening skills and reveal through our actions how much we cherish our children. Nothing erodes a relationship as much as broken trust.
Intimacy is critical to purposeful parenting. Intimacy in relationship is progressive. Do we scream, smack, curse and spank our children at the slightest provocation? If we do, we need to rethink strategy. We must adopt training with correction as a strategy in developing spontaneous, healthy and closer relationships but with the virtue of patience. In the course of developing intimacy, we should also show through our actions our willingness to teach them.
Principle 2: Character is a decision of Positive Habit
The power of observation and practice was the imagery used by Jesus to describe how a child should learn from a parent. Educational psychologists support the observatory principle of learning. I have seen students who mimicked their teachers to perfection and sons who behave just like their fathers. Observation and practice are strengthened by routines so as parents we must be creative and note that our children study our every move, decisions, actions and attitude.
The words “watches closely” in our reference text highlights the power of dedicated study. “Mimics the work” relates to practicing behaviour and that it involves active participation. Children by their design and function are curious individuals and they never stop asking questions. As parents we are not permitted to be lethargic and oblivious of how our attitude,behaviour impact on our children negatively.
Principle 3: Committed Love Grooms Positive Character
Love is an active word. Love involves active participation, dedication to a cause and objective. Love is an environment and is sincere, empathetic and sensitive. Every human being on earth responds to love. It is a powerful choice and not a feeling as most people think. Feelings are transient even though they can be ecstatic. Love, from God’s perspective for the parents, involves two things: Openness and Evidence.
A committed parent who loves his or her child is sincere about every experience as the child transits from childhood through adolescence to adulthood. This sense of sincerity is what helps parents in discipleship and discipline such that the child is able to understand why consequences are birthed by choices. Every parent must showcase positive values and comportment. Evidence of you modelling the character goals you seek for your children demonstrates to them how your role modelling strategy provides compelling proof that the principles you teach are also readily evident in your life.