CHAPTER Seven Sharing My Extraordinary Life

By Tony Crisp

Married to a Psychic

Since early teens I always wanted six children, maybe because I felt lonely without other young beings close to me as brothers and sisters, I’m not sure.

That was one condition I needed in getting married. Another was that I seemed to be from a different culture. I remembered meeting sn intelligent Indian while in the YMCA. When we began to share ideas, we immediately understood each other, including reincarnation. Most Europeans looked at me strangely if I mentioned my convictions, they had no idea what I was talking about.

So, after I was demobbed from the RAF and even before, I was looking for a partner. For a start I was not driven by the usual urges young men have in abundance. For example, the first real girlfriend I had used a way of trying to get something from me I never had to give. One day she kept saying she had missed her train till there was no transport at that time to Bexhill from Eastbourne where I was stationed. But I had a motorbike So I said I would drive her home. When we arrived, she asked me to wait while she went indoors. I believe she was checking whether her mother was asleep. She must have been because H called me into the sitting room and said she would be back shortly. Meanwhile I found two chairs which when pushed together I could sleep on. I think most readers could see where this was going, but I had no idea. Anyway, H comes back dressed in a flowing nightdress. I told her I could sleep on the chairs, but it took some time to get the idea over and eventually she left.

Yes, that was me, clueless. But it was something deeply in me, for years later a lovely female, took me in her arms, pulled me to the ground and moved towards having sex with me. I was at the point of entering her and stopped and never went on. She said, “How did you do that, I have never met a man who could stop at that point.” Well, I was heavily trained – by my mother.

It started one day, suddenly, my mother came out of the shop into the kitchen, she immediately took hold of me and said, “You are still playing with your self – our term for me masturbating – and if you don’t stop you will die. Daddy and I don’t want you to die!” All that was almost screamed at me. I was thirteen and her words and the way she said it almost froze me and I stumbled out into the passage. The effect of it was enormous.

Of course I stopped immediately, it was easy with the fear of death after me. But despite my fear driven efforts it continued during my sleep. That deepened the fear enormously, for it felt like ‘something other’ had taken over, my imagination, thought it could even be the Devil in possession of my will.

I continued the fight, I reasoned that whatever it was making me masturbate, it needed easy access to my dick. So, I got some very tight swimming costume making it very difficult to continue. It worked. It must have killed the drive, for eight years afterwards I never masturbated, never had any ‘wet dreams’, and no temptations.

As at adult I wondered what that must have done to my body, to my normal development and to me. I have some clues, for I became fascinated by my dreams and here is one I had at that time. I was in a huge cathedral, the mother church which I knew was the source of all the many religions. But I wanted to go to the toilet / gents. As I held my penis to urinate it became a snake and reached down to the urinal to drink. It was thirsty. I struggled with it, pulling it away from the unclean liquid. Still holding it I walked to a basin and gave it pure water to drink. I can’t prove it, but my ability to switch levels of my awareness, remain aware when others are unconscious, as with my stroke, and remembering four past lives, it is probably by being born two months early and the extraordinary discipline of redirecting my natural urges. See?Tony’s Experience of Stroke | dreamhawk.com

When I got married and the return of my sex drive kicked in, it was a very difficult transition, in fact my adult sex life was awful. My?sex life was a torment for each time I ejaculated afterwards l fealt like I was dying, my energy had vanished and at the time I had to eat enormous amounts to try to gain energy. I remember a young and attractive woman asking me what I felt about sex – wonder whether this was her way of seeking it – when I said it was an awful torment, she became very quiet.

So, yes, I wanted to get married. The second girlfriend was outgoing, sought me out, and I felt we were having a wonderful time, but as I said, I am not one for dances, crowd activities and I made it clear I was heading toward marriage. But I wasn’t exciting enough for her and one day she stopped talking to me, full stop. Her mother did try to explain the situation, and I didn’t have what she wanted, and she went off to Alaska.

I didn’t see her again for several years. At that time, I was married to Brenda and had three children – Mark, Helen and Neal. She appeared again in Amersham, and I was with the children walking. She looked depressed as if her life had knocked her about, and she didn’t seem pleased to see me.

Remember I didn’t know how to love, and brenda had been destroyed in that area by her mother who one day took to her bed and stayed there, while Brenda was forced to take over at nine years old.

Brenda at first knew nothing about my experience of the inner world, but she was almost addicted to reading and when I showed her my copy of Fourteen Lesson in Yoga Philosophy, she said that in all her reading she had never ever come across such ideas – and she was instantly into reincarnation. That was a plus for me as it would never have worked otherwise.

But for a short time in our early marriage Brenda was incredibly able to receive information intuitively. We had recently tried advertising to sell our house but no offers arose.

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But one day Brenda dreamt that if we put a notice in the window saying we wanted to sell our house, the first people walking past would buy it. I asked her to put the notice in the window, but she flatly refused. But I with my recent interest in dreams put the notice up to test it. The next day our doorbell rang in the evening. A young couple were interested in buying our house, they had come by early but just been able to come. There followed a series of dreams about the couple and their difficulties in getting a mortgage, all leading to the couple buying the house.

But here is a dream Brenda had that is incredible. You need little background to understand this event. First, we had sold our house and moved to the Chaple in Lee Bay, because for reasons to do with the law we were not able to move into our house, The Pines, in Combe Martin, but we were now safely living there. This meant leaving a lot behind, such my yoga class in Amersham, the many friends made there, but particularly two great friends who lived in Chesham. They were Clive and Grace. Grace had just become pregnant - these are not their real names. Both had been in my yoga class and had become firm friends, in fact they helped during our move, Clive drove a lorry we hired to transport our belongings.

One morning Brenda woke and told me she had dreamt about the baby of two of our friends. The friends, Clive and Grace, were living about 200 miles from us now. We knew Jane was pregnant, and about a week or so before the dream we had received a short letter saying their baby, a boy, had been born. We were not on the telephone at the time, so the letter was our only means of communication.

In the dream Brenda saw the baby and a voice from behind her told her the child was ill. Its illness, she was given to understand, was serious, and would need to be treated with a drug taken every day of the child’s life. The reason for this illness and the drug use, she was told, was because in a past life the person now born as the baby had committed suicide using a drug.

I didn’t take the dream seriously, thinking it was some sort of personally symbolic dream. But we couldn’t seem to extract any personal meaning for Brenda, so just in case I sent an account of the dream to Grace and Clive. About a week later we had a letter from them saying that the letter and dream had crystallised their already existing anxiety about the baby. It had not been feeding well and was fretful. On taking it to the doctor nothing definite could be found but special tests were made in hospital. From these it was discovered the baby was dying. It lacked an enzyme which was needed to digest calcium. To compensate it was given a drug, which it has had to take every day of its life to make up for the lacking enzyme.

Having personally witnessed those events they are very real to me. But I do wonder at people who completely deny the possibility of what I have said. I wonder if there is some level of fear attached to it. In many cases there seems to be a complete denial in them, and there is always the suggestion that I, or other people like me, have made up such stories or have completely misinterpreted them in some way. All I know is that the child is still alive.

I met him recently, he still has to take his drug every day, He doesn’t look as if he has full health and I wonder how they explain the fact that my wife stated all that information to me before the parents themselves knew what the problem with their child was.

As for reincarnation, since those events I can see that reincarnation is fully explainable.?A single cell, which is a seed from which all life forms evolved from, doesn’t become old or die because it is immortal, for it keeps dividing and doesn’t die. In dividing it constantly creates copies of itself, but as it does so it gathers new experience, it changes what is copied, so becomes the ‘seed’ for multi-cellular organism. We all started from the original one cell, and we, you and I, are the result of gathered experience.

No plant or creature grows from a dead seed, and each living seed carries within it all the past gathered from all its forebears. So, the seed in your mother’s womb is as old as and even older than human kind, and you carry that wisdom or memories in you.?But in this life, you developed a new brain, and the memories, education and programming you gathered this time are what you built your personality from, but beneath that is a very ancient self.

Finding this very ancient self, hidden as it is by all your personal thinking and opinions, you find you are free from all the painful emotions, suicidal urges and personal hurts. To explore it see?Opening to Life