Chapter One Why God Cares So Much

Chapter Sample from new book 'Understanding God: Everyday Guide to a Stronger Faith' Release Date: November 15, 2019

My dad died when I was 12 years old. Before he died, our family life was centered around church life. There were a lot of things that I took for granted growing up. One of the things that I took for granted was my faith. In a way, it was not really my faith. It was my dad's faith that became my faith as a default setting for my young belief system.  

Christmas break had just ended. The first week back at school, I turned the corner to start walking the half block to my house to see an ambulance outside our house. We lived in a house attached to the church, so I assumed that someone had gotten sick during a church meeting with my dad. I didn't think much of it. When I reached the house, the ambulance as leaving. My mom was following it in the car. I learned from my sister that our dad had fallen severely ill. My dad was on his way to the hospital, and I was not really very concerned because, in my heart, I absolutely believed that whatever it was, God would fix it.

  Weeks passed with very little word from my parents about how much longer my dad would be in the hospital. It didn't take long for me to start to worry on my own. My dad had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. He talked a lot. His silence began to make me nervous. My mother, who had weathered many tough times raising eight children on a pastor's pay, caught my attention. My mom was a quiet but confident woman in every situation I could remember. She never seemed vulnerable before, but now my mom had become vulnerable. She looked sad and worried all the time. Almost daily, she would tell us that dad was going to be ok as if she was really trying to convince herself.  

The next six months was a long goodbye. We learned soon that it was cancer and that my dad would not likely beat it. No one actually said the words, but my mother's grief made it clear. I traveled with her a lot from cancer center to cancer center over that next six months. I was afraid of a life without him. Those six months were a trial of faith. I begged God to save him. I asked that the cancer be miraculously healed. In May of that year (1978) was the homecoming/anniversary of my dad's church. My dad wanted to preach what he thought would be his last sermon. In the days approaching the homecoming, he actually got better. In fact, he seemed to be healing. He was weak, but he started smiling. I felt like God was answering my prayers and the hope in my heart grew into joy as I thought I could see my miracle coming. I told myself that the only thing that could ruin my miracle was to doubt in the certainty of the miracle.

Just before homecoming Sunday, my dad asked me to share the pulpit with him. He was still weak from being bedridden for so many months. I was to run the service while my dad would preach the sermon. I was nervous and excited. I was nervous about running the service leading the prayers, reading, and songs. I was excited that I had my dad back, and he had asked me to serve with him.

The service did not disappoint. My dad gave a powerful sermon with a voice and authority I had never heard before. He was joyful and determined. I fought past my nervousness and did my part. I loved every minute. But, that excitement was short-lived. After the service was concluded, he collapsed and was taken back to the hospital. I was crushed but found comfort in the fact that he was smiling. He told me he would hang on for a little longer, but he had to go. I was overcome with grief and disappointment. I wanted God to say to me why I could not have my dad back. That night I sat in a closest in an empty room on the third floor of the church house and sobbed for hours while praying and begging. My spirit was broken. A deep sadness entered my heart that day. It would remain with me for years to come.

The next month would move pretty quickly, or at least it seemed to. I was at my dad's side, often sleeping at his bedside. As he grew weaker and money for nurses ran low, I would help out feeding him liquid food through a tube. Sometimes when the tube was not in, he could talk. He would tell me about mom, give me advice, and relive old memories. He reminded me that I was special to him and that he appreciated the time I had spent with him and traveling with mom. It was a long goodbye; a goodbye that left me with mixed feelings. At times, I felt fortunate to have what I had of him. When he slept, I was overcome with tears.

True to his character, my dad talked about God and how I needed to look to Him for strength. He said he regretted having to leave, but that God would take care of me and the others. He did not want me ever to lose faith. He did not ever want me to blame God. And, he was convinced that my life would be a good one if I did not lose faith. He came in and out of comas all month. I read the Bible to him and sang his favorite songs. I never stopped begging God to give him back to me. On June 28, 1978, after my mother's sister arrived from Chicago, he died, and my hopes of healing died with him. I had started writing poems to express my feelings because I didn't feel I had anyone I could talk to about them. One of the first poems was called "The Day My Father Died," and it reads:

He Tried To Make Me Happy

Today my father tried to make me happy,

But instead, he made me sad,

As I sat by his bedside

Remembering all the times we had.

He told me of all the hopes

And all of the dreams he had for me.

He told me of his trust

In the man I would one day be.

He told me I would touch

The lives of the many I held dear.

He told me I would have success

Despite my many fears.

I saw him trying to make me happy,

But instead, he made me sad,

As I sat by his bedside

Remembering all the times we had.

He's gone now,

But his hope for me remains.

The only hope I have is 

Of seeing his face again.

I can't ever be the man 

He saw to be in me

Because it was his belief in me

That gave me hope to see.

My father tried to make me happy,

But instead, he made me sad

As I sit on my bedside

Remembering the times he and I had…

I tried not to cry around my family. It just felt like I would be adding to their burden. I saw my mother cry for the second time in my life. She had so much to worry about. I guess the important thing was that I listened to what my dad was trying to teach me. I still trusted God. What choice did I have? But, I realized that my faith was not my own. It was my dad's faith, and he was gone. When I missed him, I took his copy of the Bible and would read for hours. It lifted my spirits. My friends told me years later that they remember me being such a serious kid back then. I was serious because I was doing all I could to hold myself together. It was better not to feel than to feel too much. I had always been a smart kid with an odd sense of humor. I failed to understand most jokes and spent all my spare time in a book or doing some science experiment, but this new seriousness was different. I was serious because reading books and learning new things was all I had left. I was serious because my dad's passing left me face to face with the God he was trying to tell me about. After the autopsy, I was told that the doctors did not know how he preached that homecoming Sunday or how he even had the many talks with me. The cancer had gone to his brain by then, and he should never have awakened from the coma. In death, he left me a little miracle. Not the one I wanted, but the one I needed.

The summer he died, I decided to read the Bible from beginning to end. I did it because I was confused about a great many things even though I had sat listening to his sermons all my life. I really thought I understood God and the Christian faith, but as I tried living as a Christian on my own, I realized I didn't know as much as I thought I knew. It occupied most of my time that summer. Each book I finished left me excited for the next. I cried and celebrated with the characters. Many of their stories left me emotional. When I got to the end of the last book and started from the beginning again. I had so many questions and so few answers.

One night towards the end of that summer, I was in a pang of particularly deep sadness. It was a night of silent prayers and abundant tears. I was more than a little disappointed and more than a bit angry with God. It was nearing midnight, and I left the house to walk around the block until I felt better. All I could think about were the words of Christ saying, "Love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart, all of your soul and with all of your mind." (Matthew 22.37) I was having none of it. I started yelling, "WHY? Who tells another person to love them with all their heart?" It seemed arrogant to me. God hadn't saved my dad, and yet He was asking for everything! I walked another 4 miles in anger. I cried until my tears ran out. I was tired and dry sobbing.  

God wasn't angry. He was gentle. When I quieted down, a voice inside me quietly said, "I want you to love Me with all your heart, soul, and mind because I love you with all my heart, soul, and mind. You have to trust me. Things will work out." 

I had never realized that what God wanted from me was fair because it was what He was giving me. He loved me with all of HIS heart. I had to think about that for a few minutes. I believed Him. That night, I decided to trust Him again. I decided to trust completely, or as complete as I knew how too. My sadness was still heavy, but I never got that angry with God again. I realized that I could only know God's love if I accepted that His love for me was genuine and real. As my dad was dying, he had trusted God even though he was dying and leaving a wife he loved and six children at home. That was the example of faith I needed to follow.

My dad's entire library consisted of books on ministry and the Bible. Reading the Bible was hard work. I never slept more than 4 or 5 hours a night, so I read as much as I could. A few nights a week, I did not sleep at all. I read the Bible. I didn't study it. I just read it. I felt that God wrote it for ordinary people to understand, so rather than depending on a book about a book, I would read the book and decide for myself. I figured that if I just read through it, God would use it to say what He wanted to say without me overthinking everything. Reading was easier. I didn't have to focus on understanding everything. I would understand what came to me. In the quiet of those summer nights, I started to learn the heart of God.

I understood that God loved me, but I still did not understand why. The entire Bible was a long story of God trying to establish a relationship with people, and those people rejecting Him. God was denied so much it just seemed odd to me that the creator seemed to act like a beggar. He was denied continuously, constantly punishing the disobedient, and then continually forgiving people. It seemed a little ridiculous, frankly. After thinking on these thoughts, I had finished another reading and started back at the beginning of the Bible. This time, I read Genesis with fresh eyes, and it did not say what I had always thought it meant. 

The first thing that I noticed reading it this time was that the creation of man was very different from all of the other acts of creation. It does not matter whether you accept the creation story literally or not. Language to too young to express the scientific detail we have today. God had the challenge of getting across His message through a medium that was incapable of expressing the details of that message. Our number system had not been invented yet. There was no word for 'one billion.' What matters is that you understand what God is trying to say i.n the story. 

The creation story had a rhythm; that is, until you read about the creation of Man. Like poetry, the story echoes God commanding things into existence as He shaped the world into a place suitable for life. The pages echo, "And God said, 'Let there be… Let there be… Let there be…'." With one command after another, God created. Everything was created by command with one exception. When it came to Man, God paused. He took the time to form a human body with His own hands. He formed the curves of the man's face and body with His own fingers. Once He had created a body, Man was still not alive. He did not command life into Man. The Bible records that God breathed into Man the 'Breathe of Life' and that Man become a living soul. God gave Man life from within Himself.

I always understood the term 'Breathe of Life' as a 'magical breathe of air' that gave life to Man. What struck me that night was that this understanding made no sense. God does not have a physical body, and so does not literally breathe. God is Spirit. I decided I needed to study the original meaning of the ancient words in its original language. 

The Hebrew word translated as 'Breathe of Life' is 'ruach.' Ruach is used in many forms in the Bible, but all of it's uses share a common thread. Ruach is a term referring to an aspect or naming of God's Spirit. Ruach Elohim means 'Spirit of God.' 'The Spirit of the Lord' is written as 'Ruach Adonai.' 'Holy Spirit' is 'Ruach Hakkodesh.' Ruach-El means the 'Spirit of God.' The Book of Job uses this form in Job 33:4, 'The Spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty has given me life. Ruach is the essence of the person. It is the spark of a person's life. Genesis is the only place where it is translated as 'breath of life.' Why translate it differently in this one passage?

The mystery was not very hard to unravel. It turns out that the priest and translators wanted to distance Man from God. Over time, even God's name was written, but never pronounced. Eventually, His name (Yahweh) was written down as LORD. Ruach, in turn, was translated as "Breath of Life" much for the same reason. Using the original word 'ruach' changes the meaning of the story entirely and answers a fundamental question about the relationship between God and Man.

 What happened in Eden? God created children. God took a physical, lifeless body and had given that body life by putting into that body His very own ruach, essence, or life force. God placed a part of Himself into that body to create a creature that was connected to His very Person. We were not created by a passive command of creation. We came to life by the giving of God's own Spirit. That is why God spends so much time trying to heal His relationship with us. That is why God cares so much. To understand this simple truth is to understand your connection to God. To understand and accept this connection reshapes what your relationship with God should be and why. It reshapes your understanding of your own potential and why faith is so important.

Jesus strongly alludes to this view of Man's origin. One story takes place during the winter Festival of Dedication in Jerusalem. The Jewish leaders of the day had approached Jesus to stone him. Jesus asked them what good thing had he done to earn a stoning. The leaders answered that it was not for the good works he was doing, but because he claimed to be God. Jesus corrected them on two accounts. First, he pointed out that the scriptures called them 'gods.' (Psalm 82:6) Second, he reminded them that he had not said he was God. Jesus had said he was the 'Son of God.' So Jesus's logic was to ask the leaders why they were upset with him saying that he was the Son of God when the Bible already made it clear that they were all god's (little g). The Jewish leaders considered it blasphemy to claim such an intimate link to God. Jesus made it clear that his claim was no big deal because as 'gods' they too shared that connection to God.

Another proof that comes to mind is the story of the Prodigal Son. Jesus never told the story of the Prodigal Adopted Son. Jesus tells the story of a son who leaves home, loses his way in the world, and then finally realizes his sins and returns to his father's house. What is clear is that this is the story of a blood family member returning home. There is a lot of evidence in the Bible to support this view. Paul calls Jesus the firstborn of many brethren (Romans 8:29). 

We share a lot of the same traits as God. This may sound strange, but it is true. In general, everything God wants, we want. Everything God craves, we crave. God is love, and He seeks a loving relationship with us. We obsess over love. Love is an obsession for both God and Man. Over thousands of years, the Bible plays out this story of God's constant reaching out to Man despite our repeated rejection of Him and His teachings. He, the Creator, seems to beg and plead at times for Man to embrace Him. He sends prophets to encourage us back to Him. God even sent a Messiah to bridge the gap between Himself and Man. He did this because of His intense love for His children and the desire to see them grow to their full potential. We also seek love in all we do through parents, siblings, spouse, children, family, and friends. We stay in bad relationships because of love. Our lives center around seeking and giving love.

My detractors will point out the Bible also says that belief in Christ or obedience to God gives people the 'right to be called the Children of God." This does not mean that we are not already His actual children. In human relationships, if a family member is doing something shameful against the family's sense of decency, parents, siblings, and other relatives often declare that the offending family member is no longer counted as part of that family. Because of their conduct, a family member can lose the right to be called a member of the family. If the person relents, we claim that person as a family member again.

In the same way, when a person behaves in a way God does not approve of, that person gives up the right to be called a child of God. He gives us the right to be 'called the children of God' when we live in alignment with His teachings. Hebrews 5:5 says of Christ, 'In the same way, Christ did not take on himself the glory of becoming a high priest. But God said to him, "You are my Son; today I have become your Father." God makes a declaration that Jesus was His Son even though Jesus was already His son because of Jesus's obedience.

 God's desire to be involved in your life is a natural consequence of His love for His child. When we truly understand this truth and take it to heart, we understand God so much more, and we understand our own desire and craving for love. We start to understand that He is the source and that the only way we can ever find our place, our purpose, and eternal contentment is to embrace His nature as the source of our nature.

Use this truth to change the way you view yourself. When people fail, they say, 'I am only human.' If we understand that we are the product of God's own ruach, associating our failure as human nature is wrong. Instead, when we fall short of God's expectations, we are failing to be human as He intended humanity to be.  

The essence of God's nature is love. That being said, it makes sense that we have a particular need for love in our lives. The start of all human suffering and unhappiness is a lack of love. Sometimes the issue is that love is not given. At other times, the problem is that love is not understood. Without love, things go wrong inside of us. I believe that this is the root of all problems in the world. But the love I am talking about is not the fairy tale feelings that most people call love. The love that everyone craves is divine love. This love is accepting, yet calls us higher. Divine love cares for us without needing anything in return. Divine love is given because of who you are, not because of what you have or have not done. We first loved ourselves because our parents loved us first. With God, we learn to love ourselves because God finds us worthy of His love by virtue of our connection to Him.

So what do you need to change about yourself because you now know that you are loved by God because you are His child? First, we need to reexamine how you view yourself and others. You have value to God. That value makes your wellbeing God's top priority. As His child, you have intrinsic worth. You also have unlimited moral potential and the ability to love others with the same powerful love God bestows upon you. That knowledge should not only change the way you think of your own potential and innate capacity for good, it should also enable you to love others as God loves them…with all of your heart, soul, and strength because you see the worth in their divine spark. You have the ability to see the best on each other and be the best version of ourselves. You have the ability to be in a loving, emotional relationship with God as much as you have the ability to have such a relationship with others.

God is love. We are His children. We are designed to love because that is the nature of our Father. Love is the nature of what was passed down to us in that ruach, that Breathe of Life. Just as the Bible records the story of God chasing His children across time and distance, our lives are a chronicle of our quest for love; to be loved, to give love, to complete the love cycle. Our lives are made up of the people we have loved and who loved us back, as well as those who have rejected us and caused us pain. Our lives are victorious when rejection cannot destroy us because we have a loving foundation in our Father that gives us the confidence to express love freely because we KNOW we are loved by Him. We KNOW we are valued by Him.

In the beginning, our Father created us. He created us from His own Spirit. Stop selling yourself short by being less than what you are. Stopping accepting substitutes for love when your Father gave you the capacity for so much more. Live each day to the perfection of your divine heritage and potential.

I was taught that a while a mirror is a reflection of your physical self. The people who gravitate to you, and who you gravitate to are a reflection of your character. Your ability to write complete ideas down is a reflection of your understanding. Many of us think we understand something until it comes time to write it down. Suddenly, the words don't come together. When you can write about an idea clearly, you understand an idea clearly. Take a moment each day to write your thoughts and understanding of the concepts and truths you learn as you read this book. Start by writing down what it means to you to be a child of God. Write about what things you need to change. Write about how you want your relationship with God to change. Write about how you want to change your relationship with the people in your life. Trust me. It will transform you. I write letters and notes to God all the time. Review your writing periodically, and as you understand more, you will be able to write with greater clarity. As you learn, you will make this knowledge your own by writing out the content of your heart.