Chapter One: Robin Jones Gunn

Preparing Your Daughter for Womanhood – A Guide for Moms

Robin Jones Gunn

 Chapter One

Hello, Beautiful Reader

All the signs are there, aren’t they? Your daughter is changing. Each day seems to propel her closer to puberty—how did she grow up so quickly?

You want this change to be a positive experience for her. You want her to feel good about herself and her body. But how can you do that? How can you enter in when all she wants to do is be alone in her room?

I see you. I know what you’re feeling. I applaud you for being intentional about this.

This book will help you to create significant, positive moments with your daughter. You’ll find ideas on how to connect with her in a way that will profoundly deepen your relationship and bond the two of you together in the years ahead.

This is your chance to make a sacred fuss over her.

Don’t pull back. It doesn’t matter how you ended up in the role of “mom” in her life, whether by birth or another happy blessing. The undeniable fact is that you are the most important voice in her coming-of-age story. Even if your input seems unwanted right now, what she will remember years from now is that you cared enough to make this milestone comfortable and affirming for her.

You can do this. You really can.

Why I Care

When my daughter was maturing, I asked friends for ideas on how they marked their daughters’ journeys into womanhood. A few of them shared personal stories about their own experiences and how things rolled out with their daughters, but only a few had suggestions on how to enter this season in a positive way.

I was determined to celebrate the change. So, knowing how much my little girl loved tea parties, music, and dance, I planned a Welcome to Womanhood party for Rachel. Simple, sweet, cozy, and intimate. Just what she liked. The party was a success, and soon other moms asked what I did. I was invited to keynote on the subject at women’s events and on radio programs. I even wrote a gift book entitled Gentle Passages: Guiding Your Daughter into Womanhood.

When that book went out of print, the requests kept coming from moms of pre-teen girls for an updated book that gave more direction and advice. Many of the young moms who wrote to me had grown up reading my Christy Miller novels and were looking for mentoring advice now that their daughters were entering their teen years.

I knew I needed to write a new book–this book. So I brought up the topic on social media. The flood of responses surprised me. I heard from women all over the world. Some of the stories brought me to tears because of the pain of those women’s journeys into adolescence. Others made me smile at the creativity. I’ve drawn from and combined excerpts of those comments in the “Moms and Daughters” section at the end of each chapter.

I also discovered something interesting about you, dear mothers everywhere. I learned that as you watch your daughter grow into the springtime of her life, you’re well aware that you are moving further along into the summer of your days. Certain patterns have been established. Certain relationships haven’t changed. Old hurts bubble to the surface. Complicated feelings rise in you alongside the elevated hormone changes in your daughter.

Why do some things about her suddenly bother you so much? How did the interactions between your daughter and you become so messy? What happened to the sweet and silly girl who used to make you laugh? Why is she glaring at you, and why do want to say things to her that you never imagined would come out of your mouth?

Both of you are changing. At the same time.

Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, it’s a tsunami of change. Pre-menopausal meets pre-adolescence is no joke.

That’s why I’ve included some chapters in this book specifically for you and focused on what you need as you head into this next season as a woman and a mother. I knew that it wouldn’t be enough to write a book that simply tossed creative projects at you so that you would have lots of ideas for a new Pinterest page. I wanted to help you to prepare for the next season in ways that are life-giving for you as well as for your daughter. When you are at your best, when your heart is at peace and filled up, you will have an abundance of everything you need to give to your daughter.

Start the Conversation

Giving out of abundance is much different from going through the motions of having “the talk” so you could say you did what was expected of you.

You are not having “the talk.”

You are starting the conversation.

That’s the objective here. You are initiating one of many valuable conversations. You’re building a bridge that the two of you can use many times in the years ahead to easily journey back and forth into each other’s lives. Gaining access to her heart and opening yours to her starts now.

I hope you noticed that Preparing Your Daughter for Womanhood isn’t designed to be handed to a young girl. It’s for you--the mom, the dad, the mentor, the sister, or the grandmother--to equip you to be pro-active in a young girl’s life and to instill in her coming-of-age transition a sense of the sacred as well as of celebration of her.

Have you also noticed that it’s not possible to separate a daughter from her mother? No matter what the relationship is like, no matter how many issues or miles or other people come between the two of you in the years ahead, an invisible thread will always connect you.

My daughter is now married with children of her own, and our close relationship is one of my most treasured gifts. We’ve both had to work on our communication, and we’ve had plenty of do-overs. Grace upon grace has brought us to where we are today, and I’m so grateful. I asked for her input on this book, and what she added was golden. She brought touches of beauty, just as she does in all areas of her life.

She and I both look back and see that the Welcome to Womanhood Party I put together for her when she was nine established a structure and pattern for our relationship that was far more valuable than either of us realized at the time. That was the day we laid the foundation for the friendship we both cherish today. I wish you the same bridge-building experience.

All Moms Are Included

I want you to know that even if your childhood was bumpy, this book will help to equip you. If your relationship with your daughter isn’t all you had dreamed it would be, this book can help to change the trajectory. If you already have a good relationship with your daughter, you can still improve it by making this transition time in her life a lovely and honoring experience for her.

Preparing You Daughter for Womanhood will undoubtedly find its way into the hands of many moms, stepmoms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, mentors, counselors, and even some dads. Please know that I am including all of you in the term “mom” that appears on these pages. Think of the “daughter” throughout the book as that young girl who has been entrusted to you. Your role as the mother figure in her life, regardless of how you came into that position, allows you to become one of the clearest, truest, most loving voices that will speak into her life. She needs to be able to trust you rather than look elsewhere for the messages she longs to hear.

Other sources will give input into her life and provide details of how her body will soon change. Some already have. Other voices--online, through books, classrooms, and even sleepovers--will provide information. But will any of them speak the powerful words of affirmation she needs? Will any of them add the celebration? Will they elevate and honor her? That privilege lies with you.

You are the one who can bring a sense of the sacred into this natural passage from childhood to womanhood.

I’m excited to tell you how.