Chapter 9. The real secret of winning new business: there isn’t one.
Losing is for winners!

Chapter 9. The real secret of winning new business: there isn’t one.

“I’m sorry guys. But we decided to go a different way.” Goddammit! “The other agency just had a better idea.” Impossible! “You came across as a bit too smart.” Um…what? “We decided to push the project to next year.” Assholes! “Everyone in the room wanted you…but we couldn’t convince the powers that be.” Double assholes to hell! “The CEO has a Portuguese brother-in-law who is going to handle the business.” What. The. Fuck. 

Comedy is easy. New business is hard.

To be honest, I was in two minds about covering new business in this online-serialization-on-a-business-centric-social-platform. There are a thousand books out there to tell you way better than I can how to win new accounts: they invariably say it right on the cover. Five easy ways to win! The secret to growing your business! But they are to reality what the Kardashians are to…well, reality. 

So, let’s start there.

At the Brooklyn Brothers, our career average of winning new business was roughly 1 in 4. Which makes us Graig Nettles in baseball. Graig who? Graig Exactly. Yet we still managed to pay our bills, give people raises and grow 20% every year. 

We had winning streaks. We had confidence-shattering droughts. But for the life of me, despite 20 years of running pitches, I still can’t discern any pattern that might predict success or failure. We won with mediocre work. We lost with great ideas. We won when the client was a stranger. We lost when they were our BFFs. And every combination therein. 

Naturally, when we were on a roll, we tried our hardest to figure out the formula. Is it because we did X at the working session? Or because we did Y at the presentation? At one point, I had it down to t-shirts. If we all wear t-shirts with the idea on it, we’ll win. That worked perfectly. Until we lost wearing t-shirts. 

Right now, you’re probably thinking ‘this is a crap chapter, isn’t it?’ (#Crapter.) Yeah. Sorry about that. So how about this? I’ll share the few things I do know that might help you win a pitch but, hopefully, won’t harm your chances too much. Cool? 

1.    You’re dumber than the client. 

Those profound insights you’ve managed to scrape off the internet in the two weeks you’ve had since the client’s brief? They do not make you an expert in their industry. Nor are you more knowledgeable than they are because you bring an outsider’s perspective. If you’re arrogant enough to think otherwise, you may be suffering from what I call ‘being English’.

2.    Listen and then listen some more. 

If you get feedback on an idea in a working session, make sure you respond to it the next time you meet. I once worked with a commercial director who gave a lot of different and contradictory directions while he was auditioning actors. He said he was doing this not to see how good a performance they could do, but how well they responded to direction. Some clients like to see how you react. You don’t need to agree. You do need to listen. 

3.    Believe in their business.  

Whatever your client’s issues are, you’re there to offer a solution, not point out all the obvious flaws in their strategy and product. Even if it’s the equivalent of the Nook. You’re there to convince them that no hurdle is too tall to jump, no gulf too wide to bridge. By all means point out the 18-wheeler headed towards their brand. Just tell them that you have a brilliant plan on how to avoid it. 

4.    Present one idea. 

Yes, just the one. I know, I know, this is a tricky one. And a gamble. But I’ve never regretted going in with just one idea. Whereas I have often regretted going in with a few. The client could well be seeing three different agencies or more (my personal record was going up against 36!), so going in with one idea, well-executed, might be more memorable and focused. And it shows you believe in your solution. If you want to expose the breadth of your creativity, then demonstrate it in a few working sessions prior: just use them to whittle. 

5.    Simple is memorable. 

6.    Be Audacious. 

Sometimes, in our rush to solve a real problem we forget that at this stage in the process a client isn’t looking to execute, they’re looking to dream. And the bigger the better. Sure, they might eventually need a Dodge Caravan. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want to take a spin in the Ferrari.

7.    Be like a puppy dog. 

Keep asking for the business. Then ask again. Then ask again. But do it an adorable way. Find a stream of ideas to communicate your enthusiasm, find a way to entertain, dress it up any way you can: just make sure you’re not above begging. Showing you’re eager is just about the best way I’ve found to land a job. 

Like I said, following these steps is no guarantee you’ll win. Neither will doing the complete opposite mean you fail. But overall, if you do these things, you might, maybe, possibly, only lose 75% of the accounts you go for. You’re welcome.  

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