Chapter 5. Days in India after coming back from Australia.

"Ken, after my father gave me support; I could get my courage back and was able to start my journey to study further, back in India. I started preparing for Graduate Research Examination (GRE) to get admission and scholarship for PhD in USA. I was more determined than ever and wanted to prove to my Australian supervisor that what he has lost in terms of me as his PhD student would turn out to be a big mistake of his life. I started working hard for my preparation and in the mean time I also started preparing for CSIR and GATE exams which were the qualifying exams to apply for PhD in India. Within few months of preparation, I was able to secure good qualifying marks in GATE as well as in GRE. I started my application process for both USA and India and to my surprise I received an admission offer from BITS Pilani, and two other Universities in India as well as from a few US Universities. I was delighted and so was my family, especially my father."

"Our happiness, however, did not last long as I did not receive any scholarship from the US Universities. I was again back to square one. At that time I used to feel that life was playing some kind of game with me and I was the loser in each game," before I could continue, Ken cut me off.

"No Anirudh, this is how we feel when our expectations are not fulfilled, life is always beautiful, it has always something new for us, we do not realize that in those particular moments of sadness because we did not get what we expected. Every gift of life is important and has a value and meaning and I am quite sure Anirudh, if you look back your life you would be able to correlate with my words?"

"Yes I completely agree with you Ken," replied Anirudh. "I am able to see that everything happened with me in my career or life had a good progressive agenda to move me to next level and it's finally very satisfying today, irrespective of what I felt years ago."

"Good Anirudh, it is important to cherish your present and that is what you seem to be doing, atleast for now?" Asked Ken.

"Why did you say atleast for now?" Asked Anirudh, curiosity taking the best of him.

"Anirudh we can only speak about this moment, what lies in the future is not in our hands and I would never attempt to predict future, please continue telling me about your journey."

"After few weeks of failures on the US admission front, I received an interview call from BITS Pilani, one of the most prestigious autonomous University in India. We all were delighted to see the interview call letter. With God's grace and my father's blessings, I was able to convince the interview panel that I was the deserving candidate for the admission and scholarship. The admission committee promptly issued an admission letter along with full scholarship and within a few hours of interview. I was on the seventh sky, jumping around like a five year old. My father's dream of seeing me as a scientist was alive again and I could see that in his eyes. In addition to scholarship, I was also offered the teaching job where I would receive additional money. This news spread like a wave of happiness in my village back in Behoni as I was the first one to go to PhD and that too in BITS Pilani. The BITS Pilani experience was immensely satisfying in most of the aspects, except that things did not move as fast as they moved in Australia from the perspective of my research work. Initially, I used to get frustrated on the delay in procuring small reagents for my research. However, I enjoyed my time at BITS. It was during my time there that I got married to Rachna. Our marriage was arranged by my father. As I had mentioned to you that my father always gave emphasis to education and that is why he selected her for me. Rachna had completed her Bachelors degree from Meerut and was a very nice girl. If I look back, her selection as my wife by my father, again demonstrates my father's vision and understating of the human behavior as she has proved until today a perfect soulmate for me."

"I can see that my friend," replied Ken. "You both are meant for each other. The way she has hosted me in last few hours, I can imagine her warmth and compassion as a human being. If I have to say further Anirudh, her soul is more unadulterated. She seems to be more closer to cosmic energy than you. Am I right?" Asked Ken.

"Yes, Ken you are spot on your assessment. She is the bridge which has kept me going in my life. She has always proved to be a great support in each and every moment I have difficulty. But how stupid I was until few hours back, when you made me realize that I did not really value her emotions and never appreciated her for all the things she has done for me and my kids. Thank you again Ken for making me realize my mistake."

"Oh don't mention that, what's important is that you could realize this and that's all that counts at the end. Do not repent on what you would have done in the past, focus on the present and what would you do now to give her best of everything."

"Yes, I will Ken," replied Anirudh. "You will not believe that during my honeymoon trip to Manali, I focused on collecting hot water springs samples than focusing on building and initiating my life with Rachna and she never once complained. In fact she supported me in all of my activities. She was too good and supportive Ken."

"Wrong choice of words my friend," said Ken.

"Why?"

"She is good and supportive even today. My friend it is important to be real in your actions and then only you can be consistent in your compassionate behavior. I could imagine Rachna's behavior in early days with you, just by observing her this evening. She is fully sorted and rooted person," replied Ken.

"Yes brother," said Anirudh.

"Did you use those samples for your PhD?"

"Yes I did use those samples and was able to discover new strains of some thermophilic bacteria out of those water samples. Everybody, including my PhD boss Dr Roy, became excited to see those results and was very much supportive of taking my experiments to the next level and finally publishing those results to some reputed journals. Overall initial days went very well but as I told you earlier slowly, delays in getting small reagents started causing frustration and I was slowly thinking of applying for admissions back in US again next year. I started applying again for next in-take to US Universities at the same time I started focusing on my teaching assignments more than my research as I had decided to reapply to US for the PhD. I was somehow more confident that I would get scholarship next year. I started spending more time in taking my classes, interacting with my students and spending more time with Rachna. Late nights we used to go to Connaught with my students Raturi, Jitesh and Gurpreet along with Praveen, Joy and others as Rachna was staying with my family in Behuni after coming back from honeymoon. That was the time she conceived Esha and my mother wanted to give her complete rest during the nine months of pregnancy. I used to go to meet my family once in a month. Days became months and finally one day I got an offer letter from Harvard for PhD along with full scholarship. I could not believe it for the first few minutes as I had applied to Harvard along with MIT, Stanford with no expectations. I was expecting that I may receive admission and scholarship from some second tier US university as last year. Admission offer from Harvard was one of the most important accomplishments of my life. That offer reposed my faith in God once again."

"Yes Anirudh, it is human nature" said Ken. "Whenever we get what we expect we always thank God and feel that God is with us but ideally, each and every action of ours, in each and every situation God is always with us. I personally feel that when we don't get what we want today, in long term we are destined to get something bigger and more satisfying than we had expected. As humans we think finite and expect only material or trivial thing from the supreme power but he has some other plans for all of us and on appropriate time he blesses us with what is good for us. This is the only truth according to me. So, be happy brother in whatever you receive from God."

"That's a really nice perspective," agreed Anirudh. "I can relate with this as I felt almost dead when I lost my PhD in Australia and you had mentioned something similar few minutes back but what you have just said is more deep and I see through these words. I have never thought like this. Thank you for letting me know this perspective. Anyways, next, I went to my supervisor Dr Roy to inform him of my offer but he was little upset as he wanted me to complete PhD with him but soon, he could see the happiness in my eyes for Harvard and wished me best of luck. My entire student group and friends were jubilant and had arranged a big farewell party for me. We went to Connaught food outing place and had a grand dinner with the entire group. The night I left BITS, I was feeling emotionally very weak because I had several memories associated with BITS. Although I was feeling emotional, my happiness and excitement was also clearly visible on my face. In few days I started wrapping up my work from BITS and was ready to venture into the new stage which was to setup in, the Mecca of scientific research, Harvard. After completing all the formalities, I went to my village. I could see my father, Rachna and others in the seventh heaven. I could see the pride on their faces. Villgae folks went gaga over my achievements and they all were praising my father for brining me to this level. I was also in full agreement with villagers. I could see my fathers face radiating vibrant and bright light on that occasion. At that point of time It looked to me that he has achieved his personal goal through me. Ken, this is something which is deeply rooted in Indian culture may be everywhere that whenever our children achieve something it is most of the time our/parents dream. Parents try and achieve their goals and fulfill their own dreams though their children."

"Yes you are correct Anirudh," said Ken. "But do you think this is the correct approach?" Asked Ken.

"Yes, of course, to me, it is the only right approach. My father had worked hard in his life and unfortunately could not complete his studies to even aspire to be a scientist. Although he wanted to become the one. If he could fulfill his dream of becoming a scientist through me and expected me to work for it, I see no problem. Do you see any issue in this Ken," asked Anirudh. "In fact this is the way life works at least in our community and to a larger extent in the villages of India."

Ken smiled and replied, "my friend I would not answer this question at this point of time but before you continue with your story further can you please answer to me one thing? Do you have any unfulfilled dreams and God forbid, if any of these dreams of yours remain unfulfilled in your lifetime. Would you expect those unfulfilled dreams to be pursued and fulfilled through your children?"

"Sure I can definitely answer this. First of all I don't see any of my dream to remain unfulfilled as you know getting the Nobel is the only dream I had from the beginning and it is already on the verge of fulfillment."

"Is that true? Asked Ken. "I thought it was your father's dream and you were trying to get the nobel prize to fulfill your father's dream."

Anirudh was completely blown away by this statement of Ken and was not prepared for such a straight question and had no answer. Although Anirudh tried to give some explanation but he himself knew that he was trying to escape the question as he had no answer for it. Anirudh continued with his explanation, "why can't my father's dream be my dream too?"

" It can be, why not?" Replied Ken. "But I am asking you Anirudh, is it true in your case?"

By now Anirudh understood knowing Ken that he cannot escape and after a pause he replied, "Yes Ken, maybe this is not my dream."

"Certainly not or maybe not?"

"Certainly not," replied Anirudh timidly.

"Then what is your dream, you lived your life almost to the fullest professionally and you never had a dream in life? You must be having something which you would like your children to fulfill for you? This is what we all have been doing for eons burdening our children even before they come to holy earth with our unfulfilled dreams. Ideally they are dead before they are born. They do not have freedom to choose their religion, their food, their liking, their career and so on and so forth. You must be having something for Jagruti or Esha, aren't I right?"

Anirudh was in deep silence as he was unable to find out single dream of his own. "Yes Ken at this point of time I am unable to find or think about one. It is very strange but this is the reality."

"Most us are day dreaming so many things to achieve but you do not have anything, it is really strange. But for now continue with your life journey."

"Sure Ken," Anirudh started again. "My father had hosted a big dinner for villagers and relatives. We had a big celebration there as well. I became an iconic figure not only in my village but also in the entire district. I still remember how my village friends were greeting me that day as if I had already received the Nobel prize instead of just a PhD offer from Harvard. Next two days, I had spent with Rachna, my mother and father, without wasting anytime in other activities we just chatted for hours. Those were one of the most peaceful moments of my life. All three of them were happy as well as sad in those moments as I was going to be away for at least the next 5 years for PhD. Rachna kept crying as she wanted to go with me but couldn't because of her pregnancy. She was in her sixth month of pregnancy and my father and mother did not want her to travel with me in that condition. Moreover, they were not sure of my stay in US at that moment so they decided that it was not best for her to accompany me. Rachna felt gloomy when she heard that but soon realized that, that is the decision my family has taken for her good and she has to abide by the decision."

"I can't imagine the pain she must have gone through," said Ken.

"Yes, she was quiet and had tears in her yes for hours one night before I left to US. Last night of my stay I felt that I have found a soul partner in the form of Rachna as the way she behaved in those last days of my departure were unforgettable. She had given me several advice on how should I go ahead with my PhD without getting bothered about her or the kid in the womb. How I should focus on my Phd to fulfill my father's dream. Finally she assured me that she'll take care of my family and would join me only when they allow her to go to US. We all did not sleep the entire night before my departure to US. I am unable to describe my emotions of that night. I was having mixed of emotions of happiness as well as sudden sadness on an intermittent manner."

"It happens Anirudh," Ken interrupted. "In life whenever we are faced with a situation where we have to part ways with something close to our heart in search of something which is also our dream. This happens and the feelings are normal for most of the human beings. In any manner saying goodbye is never easy in any situation, no matter the reasons. You will not believe Anirudh even after staying away for fifteen years away from family in Monastery. When I went back to my family in Taiwan and had spent only few months with them, I had the same feelings when I left for Australia. In your case you had spent years with them. It is very normal. This emotional side of us reaffirms that we all are very human and alive. Having no emotions is like a dead body. Anyway continue Anriudh.  

"Finally the day came for my departure. My father had already rented a car to the Airport. Rachna could not accompany us to the airport as it would have been very hectic journey from my village Behoni to Delhi airport that too in an old ambassador car, which is used to be most popular choice of travel agents operated in our area."

"Which brand is Ambassador," asked Ken.

"It is Hundustan Motors. After six hours of drive to airport, as we got closer to airport, I could not control my tears. My parents were also controlling hard their emotions and on the verge of breaking down. In my last minute after saying goodbye to my family, I did not look back and went to the check-in counter. This was my second inning to follow my dream. Very few in life get second chance but by the grace of God I was given that chance again. I had boarded another flight to take me closer to my dreams but this time, the land of opportunities as they call United States of America, was the destination. And that too to pursue PhD at Harvard which is known to be the Mecca of Life sciences research with the same old dream of winning the Nobel Prize to fulfill my father's dream."