Chapter 5: Armour Up!

“Anger. Control your anger. If you hold anger toward others, they have control over you. Your opponent can dominate and defeat you if you allow him to get you irritated"- Miyamoto Musashi

I am sure we have all heard that the clothes maketh the man, but do we really pay enough attention to it?

There are plenty of stories in which people respond to someone in a uniform, a high visibility jacket, or a doctor’s lab coat, with subservience or agreement, just because of what they were wearing.

So don’t be so impressed by someone else’s armour that you can be swayed into doing things that you do not agree with, and stop applying your critical thinking skills.

 And think about your own armour and the impact you want it to have in life.

External armour

You have two types of armour, internal and external. Your external armour is perhaps the most obvious and the easiest to engage with. So for example, let’s say you are not feeling great about the day’s challenges, or an interview you have, or a date.

Armour the hell up!

It’s a quest! You are the hero. Dress appropriately.

In the case of an interview you should, if you can, buy new and appropriate clothes. Wearing new clothes is like getting into a bed with fresh sheets on. It feels amazing and makes you feel happy and confident. You need to bring your best self and new clothes will help you do that, make you feel successful and of value.

If you cannot afford that option, then at the very least wear freshly laundered clothes. Maybe go as far as ironing them? This is your Batsuit. I love a good armouring-up scene. My fave might have to be Arnie in Commando.

Likewise with how you get to the interview. A bus? No. What is your Batmobile? Imagine how successful you would feel being chauffeur driven, or driving a Ferrari. Sure, we can’t go that far, but there is a happy medium.

All these things have an impact.

You should also shower, and shave. I would even trim your fingernails and make sure they are clean. Does this really help? Yes! Well, according to the movies.

I still remember watching Season Two of 24 and seeing Jack Bauer shaving and cutting his hair, as a sign to all that he was back and ready for action.

To feel strong I dress for the apocalypse and I always want to feel battle ready. This has become even more important since having a daughter as my timetable is not my own. This is also because I have watched Die Hard too many times, and being caught barefoot in a “terrorist” situation and having to run over glass, is not my idea of fun.

So my ideal clothes are boots, jeans, and a t shirt. I wish I could teach wearing that, because I feel much more comfortable. But no, we have a staff dress code, just as pupils in school have a uniform.

They say that a uniform prevents bullying, but was that your experience? Or should you be able to express yourself creatively through what you wear? And if you are to blame for being bullied for that choice, well, isn’t that victim shaming?

School uniform is all about teaching obedience and stifling individuality.

But for an interview I would suit up, but it depends. You will need to research the culture. There are stories of new media companies that want to break so much from tradition that a suit would make them not want to hire you.

Anchors

We use anchors all the time in terms of what we wear. Or how we “design” ourselves. What do you wear to anchor yourself to a feeling, belief, or sense of identity?

Here are some of mine:

1: My boots are actually my younger brother’s boots. He is a Royal Marine Commando and one of the most self-sufficient, confident, and capable people I know. They have the name Horne written in them, along with a number. When I have those boots on they become an anchor to the positive traits I see in my brother.

Literally, Adam could handle this, and so I can too. I like the way they sound when I walk, excellent footstep noise.

2: Wedding ring. Sure, a lot of people have wedding rings, but how much thought did they put in to them? Mine is made of titanium, and it looks like a tarnished silver metal with XVI XII MMX111 inscribed along the outside. They are the roman numerals for the day I got married. The ring is an anchor to faith, strength, loyalty, and love. I run it with my thumb absentmindedly and it gives me strength, as it’s also an anchor to the man Emily sees in me.

I also love stories about warriors, such as knights and samurais. So it probably won’t come as a surprise that I got married in a castle. Yep, a 15th Century medieval Scottish castle. I have a sword with our names engraved on them. Because I am a Knight, and Emily is my Queen, and I shall stay loyal to her.

3: Tattoos. Everyone seems to be getting tattoos these days. I have two. The first, a raven, I got whilst at art college (Plymouth College of Art and Design) in my teens. I was heavily into, um, magic, at the time. Yep, I was reading up on Wicca, delving into mythology, rocking the Ouija board, and more.

The raven was inspired by Odin, who had two, Huginn and Muninn. They would fly around the world and bring Odin news and knowledge. I am also sure I read that if you swore something in the name of Odin, and broke that Oath, the ravens would come and peck your eyes out. It stayed with me.

My second tattoo is an engraved-in-stone effect of the logo of a modern martial arts brand called Crazy Monkey Defence. I had been studying it for a few years, and had become a trainer, and decided to get the tattoo because of the physical and emotional impact my experience had on me.

But the monkey tattoo has several meanings to me. A symbol of evolution, playfulness, and being part of a tribe or troop. But also a warrior, a reminder that I can manage my emotions in stressful situations such as sparring, and I know how to use those skills I learn on the mat (mind and body management) off the mat.

This anchor keeps growing and gaining new meaning. Conveniently my daughter was also born in the Chinese year of the monkey, and the book the Chimp Paradox has had a profound impact on me too. 

Anchors can also tie in to a goal. If you really want to visit New York, get a keyring of the Empire State Building as a constant reminder that you have a goal.

If you want to give up smoking, change your password on your computer to “I don’t need to smoke”, so every time you log in you are telling your mind that statement. Your screensavers and desktops should be anchors to your beliefs and goals as well.

What are you wearing right now? Do you feel strong?

Internal armour

You have armoured up. You have the right clothing for the task at hand, you have a couple of anchors to remind you of who you are and what you believe.

Now what?

Well, you need to get that volcano of emotions and thoughts under control. So let’s rock some internal management skills.

Mind-body connect

Breathe. It’s a bad day, not a bad life.

So what is this “mind-body connect”?  Put simply, how you hold your body can have a direct impact on how you feel. Have you ever felt ill in bed, and thought you could not possibly deal with the day, but then you forced yourself up, and after a few minutes felt much better?

Amy Cuddy is a Harvard Business School professor and social psychologist.

Amy did a TED.com talk which is the 2nd most viewed TED talk of all time, where she shows that if you hold a Wonder Woman pose for two minutes, your testosterone levels go up, and your cortisol levels go down (my wife has a Wonder Woman keyring as one of her anchors).

 Which means you feel more confident and less anxious.

 Try it.

 In self-defense sparring we call this “body attitude”. If my body flinches, cowers, looks weak, my mind will follow. If I project strength, stand balanced and strong, my mind will be calm and confident. This also has an impact on my opponent.

 If I do not react to being punched, did I get punched? The opponent will not be sure.

 At night, when your mind is taking you on laps of insecurity, anxiety, stress and worry, do not stay in bed. Do not just lie there and let your mind have a civil war. Get up. Call on your body as reinforcement.

Just standing tall will have an impact. I shadow box. Even for twenty seconds it has an impact. Try doing press-ups. Remind your mind and body that they are strong, and they will rise to the challenge.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is on the rise. There is a lot of talk about it and it can get misinterpreted. To put it simply, mindfulness is paying attention to what is going on in the present moment.

I am a trainer in a martial arts system called Crazy Monkey Defense. Its founder, Rodney King, has integrated what he calls “mindfulness in action” throughout the system. I don’t have to be sitting on a bean bag meditating to be mindful, I can do it while sparring.

"Mindfulness is never about avoiding experiences you are having now; but rather, it is a way to help you become aware of your in-the-moment experiences, exactly as they occur.

For many people, the insight that is gained is liberating, to know that you are not your thoughts and feelings, and that you can choose how to respond, rather than having your thoughts and feelings respond for you on autopilot." - Rodney King

Life is amazing. It really is.

But we can be dragged along by our own thoughts and emotions, and end up places we do not wish to be.

If you can observe your thoughts and your emotions, they cannot be you. They are just passing through.

We also have a reticular activating system (look it up!) which filters in the world. And we need to program what it focuses on. So, for example, after we got married, my wife suddenly wanted a baby.

I really did not see that coming.

But for me, kids were annoying. The only time I noticed babies was when they were screaming.

But when I started to be more aware of my surroundings, I could filter in the positive examples, and I started to realise there are many wonderful, kind, polite, well-behaved kids all around. It’s the same when you buy a car.

I bought an Audi TT and suddenly I see them everywhere. EVERYWHERE!

So what are you filtering in and out?

Are you focusing on the bad news? The violent stories, the fear mongering? That means you can start to think the world is much meaner than it is.

The whole way you view the world can change, just by changing what you focus on.

The film About Time is a fantastic example of this. The main character can go through the day rushed and stressed, consumed by his own chores, or chose to take a moment and admire the architecture of the building they are in, smile and chat to the person selling coffee, and realise how thankful he should be.

There are many films that can capture that moment of serenity (I think even Serenity does?) where the heroes know a terrible thing is about to happen, and they stop panicking, relax, and experience the moment non-judgmentally.

 

The most powerful scene in Toy Story 3 is moments before they think they are meeting their death, Woody, Buzz, and the rest of their companions, reach out and hold each other’s hands. They accept the situation without negative emotion.

But the master of all examples of film mindfulness is George Clooney in Gravity. He is floating out into space, and is going to meet certain death. And a rather nasty death too. But he looks around and is heard on the radio to say what an amazing view he has.

Absolutely badass! I think one of the main missions in life is to prepare for our death. How are we going to handle it? I love all those alleged final words of movie stars such as Humphrey Bogart, “I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis,” and Errol Flynn, “I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it”.

I hope I am that cool.

But mindfulness is not just about facing death. Although it’s a great time to deploy it, so you can think logically rather than emotionally. It’s also about doing the task at hand well.

Samurai films often show this well, whether it’s older films directed by Akira Kurosawa (director of Seven Samurai), or more recent ones such as The Last Samurai.

Taking a moment to focus on the present often means you enter a flow state, where time flies past and your mind is calm. This is common in sports, but you can also have it in computer games (which explains how it suddenly hits 3am).

Imagine if you could do this at any time?

I did it recently at the dentist. Over two hours in the chair for a root canal, but I basically stepped back from my thoughts and emotions and watched with curiosity what was happening in the present.

Every time my thoughts went to the future or the past I brought them back to the present. I allowed emotions to come and go, with inquisitiveness. Not attaching any value to them. When I heard the drill start up, my mind would jump to the future and start reacting to imminent pain. But I picked up on it, used the mind-body connect and relaxed my tensing body, breathed, and brought my thoughts back to the present, where there was no pain.

Even when there was pain, it was over fast. So what should I do, keep thinking about the last time it hurt? Nope.

This allows us to take a break too. If you are making a cup of tea, make the cup of tea!

Take a moment. Don’t check social media. Boil the kettle; allow it to cool for a minute or two. Pour the water in to the cup. Wait. Breathe. You are making a cup of tea right now. Work can wait. Stress can wait. Deadlines can wait. They will all be there waiting.

Slowly take out the tea bag, add in the milk as required, and watch as it merges and settles.

Take a break. Make, and drink, a cup of tea.

It is so much better than racing to make it, checking you phone in one hand, boiling water sploshing out of the kettle into, and around, the cup and your body getting tense, as your mind gets stressed.

You don’t have to pretend to be a movie samurai like I do, but give mindfulness a try.

Please feel free to reach out and connect with me on social media. It would be great to hear from you.

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