Life isn’t linear. And as it turns out, neither is my brain. Last year, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), after my son’s psych-ed assessment indicated that he had the same diagnosis a couple of years earlier. (Little did we know that ADHD is more hereditary than height).??
But quite contrary to the direction of passing genes from one generation to the next, the diagnosis piece of ADHD often tracks in the opposite direction. And it happens, a lot. Especially to girls and women. We don’t meet the typical criteria. We can’t cross off enough symptoms on the checklist. Fidgeting, climbing, talking too much, making careless mistakes, not staying on task. Nope. That certainly wasn’t me. I was obedient. I was shy. I was an A student. Frequently the teacher’s pet, actually.
I wasn’t darting around the halls, blurting out answers in class, or running at timelapse speed in a dizzying state of perpetual motion. But my brain was. And I’ve been running around in my mind, for what seems like an eternity, ever since. I’m exhausted.?
For a (very) long time I merely thought this was “me.” But when I learned more about ADHD and invested the time and energy in understanding my own son, I actually for the first time, started to really understand myself. But clarity, as you’d expect, is never an easy road to travel. In fact, it’s not even an easy road to find on the map. But I was determined to. And so I programmed it into my GPS, but my navigation continued to fail me and I ended up lost, repeatedly. Even when I stopped to ask for directions on occasion?(yes - all woman!) I was usually told that I was traveling in the wrong direction.?
A case in point is when I visited my doctor, with (a lot of) questions, looking for support and guidance. I walked away empty-handed. I was dismissed.?I was told matter of factly, “You don’t have ADHD. You’re a high-functioning female Executive, going at a fast clip, raising a young family. And you’re “normal.” (Please tell me what this is by the way?)
Fortunately, I never stop at no. (Just ask those who know me well. It can get annoying). Especially when I’m in problem-solving mode and my gut tells me to keep going, and so I do. By doing so, I finally found resources and answers, and as a result, relief.?
The pieces started to come together and the picture become clearer. At a minimum, the descriptions and behaviors that accompanied the diagnosis were relatable. They made me feel understood, accepted, and even inspired.
- I understand why my purse is a disaster zone.
- I understand why I have dozens of books on my night table that I haven’t finished (and likely never will).
- I understand why I have piles of scribbled post-it notes on my desk.
- I understand why I still can’t find the perfect calendar that works for me, yet I continue to believe there’s one out there.?
- I understand why I feel suffocated when someone asks me what time I’m coming home.
- I understand why I felt fearless as a child, climbing the 20-foot high perimeter ledge of our front hall, two storeys high.
- I understand why I get bored with some people’s conversation and leave the room (without intending on coming back).
- I understand why I almost have to tether myself to my desk to finish something I’m working on, on certain days.
- I understand why I can without hesitation, accept a spontaneous invitation from a friend, then receive a notification on my phone 15 minutes later, reminding me that I’m actually supposed to be somewhere else.?
- I understand why I turn the car around many mornings, run back into the house to get the one thing I forgot, then return to the car with three additional things, none of them being what I originally went in for.?
- I understand why I crammed for every high school and university exam, aced it, and to this day, feel energized when I’m working under pressure.
- I understand why I can’t ever leave half of the chocolate bar for “next time.”?
- I understand why my Dad always asked me for a penny for my thoughts when he noticed I was pensive, melancholy, or daydreaming.?
- I understand why others thought I was “too” sensitive.
- I understand why I was so fatigued just trying to keep up and show up but ignored the warning signs of burnout.??
- I understand why despite always striving for perfection, I never felt like I achieved it and pushed myself to do and become more.?
- I understand why I am a beginner of endless tasks, but a finisher of few.
- I understand why I hated piano lessons every Tuesday (and any other form of “routine”).
- I understand why I have ten white t-shirts in my drawer that look very much the same, and yet I still go out and buy more white t-shirts.
- I understand the stigma of a label - and that sometimes they can be very flawed. I do not have a deficit of attention. In fact, it’s the opposite.?I have an abundance of attention. I just have a hard time harnessing it - which can make it difficult to plan, prioritize, remember things and focus.?
- I understand that t’s not because of a lack of interest that it sometimes takes me a little bit longer than someone else to process something. It’s actually because of my desire to absorb so much.
- I understand why I was a tomboy and that people referred to us as “lost girls,” or better yet, as “chaotic and curious.”
- I understand why sometimes I feel like a superhero, but other times, like a super failure.?
But after discovering and surrounding myself with the right kind of support, I also understand this.?
- I am not normal. And I don’t want to be. Ever.?
- You get one life. Don’t screw it up by being normal. (Thanks Tim Denning)
- I can’t compare my insides, to other people’s outsides. (Thank you, Diane O’Reilly)?
- I am a mustang. Often misunderstood. My bucking and rearing can mean different things to different people. Most just see it as wild - but it’s so much more if you stop to understand. It can be fear, excitement, pain, frustration, warning, and sometimes even a play at dominance if I’m feeling particularly insecure or threatened.?
- My creativity, imagination, and passion are my superpowers.(Thanks Rebecca Brianceau)
- I am a creator. I see problems that others don’t, but more importantly, I see outside-the-box solutions to them.?(We are the competitive advantage)
- I am incredibly intuitive, courageous, resilient, have a great bullshit radar, a good judge of character, empathetic, innovative and an ideas machine.
- My hyperfocus is a gift that results in “flashes of brilliance” that other people will never know the thrill of.?
- ADHD is not an excuse for laziness, or messiness, or lateness,?it’s an explanation for people who care to take the time to understand more about me.
- It is never too late to change. I am a work in progress and the neuroplasticity of the brain is an incredible tool that creates new neural networks that give me the power to continue to work on my best self - regardless of age - injury - or diagnosis.?
- A pause in life is not a problem, it’s a possibility (Thanks Jay Perry ADDCA)
- Neurodiversity teaches us that differences aren’t weaknesses. They are variations of the human brain.
- You are never alone, even when you think that no one understands where you’re at. You will find your tribe. I did.?
- I am not weird. I am not broken. I am not damaged. I am exactly how I am meant to be.
- And finally, as the famous expression for ADHD folks goes, I am a Ferrari… with bicycle brakes. I’ve been racing at record-breaking speed, veering off track, blowing tires, and sliding (not drifting) ) but still somehow, and amazingly, placing in the race.?Imagine what’s going to happen when I learn how to stay in my lane, weave in and out with precision and trust my reflexes. Because that’s exactly where I’m going.?
Here are some people that have been on the ADHD racetrack before me and others that are on it with me.
Michael Phelps, Adam Levine, Richard Branson, Will Smith, Bill Gates, Jamie Oliver, Michael Jordan, Emma Watson, Simone Biles, Lisa Ling
(Dory is what I've named my ADHD. When you name something - you take away its power, and you take away your shame. And you help others to do the same.)
October is ADHD Awareness Month in Canada. It’s a time to build education and awareness and debunk the myths of ADHD.?
Supervisor, Non-Profit Housing Programs, County of Simcoe
3 年Wow. Thank you for sharing this. I recently listened to a CBC podcast by a woman who was finally diagnosed with ADHD and, like your list, I could relate to almost every aspect. I've developed coping mechanisms over the years but I feel validated seeing my list of traits and habits documented by someone else! My doctor told me that many women with ADHD are often misdiagnosed as having depression or anxiety when in fact their depression and anxiety is a direct result of their inability to get diagnosed for ADHD.
I help brands stand out and grow their online presence through social media and digital marketing!
3 年This was a fabulous read! I feel seen! Thanks for sharing Andrea!!
Original Science in Design Certification course creator | Educator | transforming residential design thru ??biophilia and neuroaesthics. ??Author, ??Speaker “One of Canada's leading experts on living well in place.”
3 年Thank you Andrea for sharing this post. Reading your article made me feel you were talking about me. It brought tears to my eyes knowing someone else has the same characteristics and challenges. I'm neuro diverse and have always been made to feel there was something wrong with me or I didn't fit in. Most days I feel like I wear a warning label on my forehead, consistently apologizing before I engage in conversation. I attribute my successes to being neuro diverse with my different way of thinking. I find myself consistently bringing new and innovative ideas especially in my job. But despite this I still feel broken and misunderstood.
Boatbuilder, Creativity and Photography Coach, Experienced Education Leader, MA, PGCE, SFHEA, Director Women in Boatbuilding
3 年Thanks for sharing- brilliant article.
Global Project and Event Manager: Turning Big Ideas into Seamless, Impactful Experiences
3 年Life isn’t linear. And as it turns out, neither is my brain.! I love everything about this read and admire your self-awareness. Thank you for sharing your story and spreading awareness. I strongly believe we are taking over this linear world :) #ADHDAwarenessMonth