Chaos and the Uncontrollable 80%

About a year ago, I was with my son and his young children at their new house in North Carolina. They were going through all the associated difficulties of the moment: working from home, a new house (with an endless to-do list, not to mention the hot water heater breaking in the first few days of owning the house) and, of course, his kids wanting his attention throughout the day—often trying to get his attention?with dad! dad!!, dad!!!, dad!!!!...

?As I reflect on that experience it strikes me that chaos is the core human experience of the world-- in my sessions with clients I often say 80% of the day will be chaos--the uncontrollable.?

Chaos is like a tornado-- you cannot control it-- the only thing we can do is ensure that we do not become it-- that the chaos remains outside of us, that we do not take it internally.

But we do take it internally, most of the time.? If you gave a business-owning parent six hours of free time on a computer they could easily spend half of it worried about what happens after their kids come home or being distracted in many other ways-- we become inefficient, we have just as much difficulty controlling internal chaos as we do external chaos.?

That, I find, is the difference between a successful outcome and a less-than-optimal one: how we interpret and manage internal chaos is the only tool we have to shield ourselves from the effects of external chaos.

Everybody says that we need to be 'present' in the moment and I think that's true, but it hints at something even more specific:?internal and external chaos can create false identities and narratives.? And being present with a false identity can be a recipe for deception, guilt, and stagnation, not progress.? Therefore, it isn't enough to simply be present:

Focus-- I find-- is the tool for re-orchestrating internal and external chaos.? If we focus on a task (set a timer for 30 minutes, then take a brain break and don't try to focus for hours at a time) -- we become, then, who we are-- not who we think we should be-- not who we would like to be-- not some victim of external happenstance-- focus, quickly, taps us into who we are, brings peace, and shields us from embracing the external chaos.

Focus and presence are related, but if we focus on focus-- we don't have to worry about focusing on being present.

In my experience with my clients, new habits of thinking are formed, at first, by simply understanding where we trip ourselves up and where we get in our way.

We will likely never stop the false narratives from the beginning-- but we can remove the blind spots and stop the false narratives from lingering and controlling us.?

If it would benefit you to have a conversation about removing false narratives and internal chaos, I’d be happy to have a chat-- please dm me.

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