Channel the Right Wolf in Your Negotiations and Tough Assignments

“The best way to sell something: don’t sell anything. Earn awareness, respect, and trust of those who might buy.”

It’s hard to believe that Jordan Belfort—also known as the Wolf of Wall Street—is credited for having said this, given that he pled guilty to stock-market manipulation and criminal financial practices, but knowing better clearly doesn’t always equate to doing better. 

There’s a well-known story of a Cherokee chief telling his grandson about two wolves that fight for control of our spirit. One is full of anger, envy, greed, regret, and self-pity. The other is filled with joy, humility, and kindness and will fight only when it’s right to do so and in the right way. The grandson asks, “Which wolf will win inside you?” The chief smiles and replies, “The one I feed.”

The topic of Wall Street wolves came up in a recent conversation I had with retired Trammell Crow CEO Matt Khourie during my Off the Rak series. When I asked Khourie what advice he had for rising leaders, two answers came to mind. 

Don’t be a wolf in sheep’s clothing – Contrary to popular belief and what we’ve seen in Wall Street movies about high-stakes negotiations, it’s not about a winner and a loser. “It’s not how the game really works,” said Khourie. “What you’re looking for are win-win solutions where you don’t take that last penny.” It’s about giving everyone dignity during the negotiations. Negotiating Success author Jim Hornickel says, “Negotiations today reflect an emphasis on the relationships involved, and when they are built upon the goal of having both sides win, magic happens.”

Khourie used to tell his folks that, typically, the big issues are worked out at the beginning of a meeting, and there are always one or two minor issues left on the table that need to be discussed. Khourie encouraged his team to give in on those issues so that when the other party walked away from the table, they felt good; they felt like they had done a great job for their side of the business equation. They might say, “You know what? They were generous at the end. They didn’t have to do that, but they did.”

Cut your teeth on tough assignments – It’s natural to be attracted to first-choice assignments that give you easy wins and help you build your career, but Khourie’s advice on standing out and rising up is to seek out the tough assignments. Look for the projects where the outcome is unclear, the project is a little complicated, or risk is involved. “It may seem counterintuitive,” says Khourie, “but you’ll experience a lot of leadership learning moments like I have, and you’ll create real value for your company. If you can enlist the help of others and figure out how to solve tough problems, you’ll become very important to your organization, establish a reputation, and rise through the ranks.”

John Belfort may have thought he was earning awareness, respect, and trust from those who might buy, but he was likely missing one crucial element in his negotiations: dignity. If you’re giving someone dignity, that means they’re walking away from any discussion having preserved who they were when they entered the conversation. They’re not “less than” or under any pretenses after your interaction. 

When presented with a negotiation, ask yourself which wolf you’re feeding and whether you are willing to share dignity with everyone involved. As for tough assignments, allow yourself to find joy in the hunt for the perfect challenge and be prepared to fight in the best way by showing transparency and humility when you need help and giving credit when it’s due. 

This was the final installment of a three-part series on my conversation with Matt Khourie. Curious about his advice in parts one and two? 

Save the Date!

Join me for my next episode of Off the Rak with Mike Duke, retired chief executive officer of Walmart, as we exchange stories based on our experiences as corporate leaders, discuss the importance of values-based leadership and being a servant leader in the workplace.

Tune in on Thursday, April 20 at 10:00 AM MST on LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube or Twitter.

About Off the Rak

Walt Rakowich’s passion to help shape a generation of leaders who will influence others through honesty, humility and heart inspired him to launch Off the Rak: Conversations on Transformative Leadership. Each episode features live, rich and raw conversations with notable leaders across different industries. Walt and his guests tackle transparent leadership topics such as how to seize opportunities, embrace challenges and make their communities stronger.

This series shows inquisitive, curious and emerging leaders how they can be influential by overcoming fears and pride, being transparent, developing authentic values, and creating purpose for those they lead.

Learn more about Off the Rak and watch past episodes here.