Changing the record on self-doubt

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My client Claire came to me with a quandary. She wanted to secure a promotion to the next level, but she didn’t believe she could do it.

Despite putting in serious hours and consistently delivering on the job, self-doubt reigned.

She questioned her capability, feared that others were doing the same, and in her heart, she worried she just wasn’t “enough”.

This lack of self-belief had plagued Claire her whole career and life, and she was sick of the anxiety and frustration it caused.

Desperate to change the record, she told me she was ready to try anything! So I set her a simple but powerful exercise to start undermining her inner critic.

If this sounds like something you’d benefit from,?try this out for yourself:

• Step 1 - Track your commentator: For at least a week, I'd like you to shine a light on your self-talk and become aware of the commentator in your head in relation to yourself and your capabilities. Regardless of what your commentator says, keep a written record of it (yes, even the really ugly, weird or crazy judgements, those are the most important!) So stuff like: “Don’t speak up,?you’ll only say something stupid”, “I'm going to mess this up”, “Jane thinks I’m incapable and?I’ll lose my job so I should resign”, “John?didn’t really mean it when he gave me praise, he thinks I’m an idiot really”, and so on. The goal here is to not to lambast yourself for negative judgements. It’s simply to get clear on what your commentator is saying, so you’ve got something to work with.
• Step 2 – Apply the truth barometer: Continue to track your commentator, and with each negative self-judgement, ask yourself this question: “Can I absolutely, 100% know that it’s true?”, allowing yourself to answer only with a Yes or a No. Be as honest as you can with your answer, even if your mind fights you on it. (Hint: in 99% of cases, the answer will be No!)
• Step 3 – Surface the flaws: If the answer is No, challenge yourself to find the potential flaws in your commentator’s argument and write them down. For example, are you reading someone else’s mind and assuming they are judging you? Are you expecting the worst despite the fact that it hasn’t happened yet? Are you predicting failure or judgement when you can’t possibly know the outcome ahead of time? Are you measuring yourself against a yardstick that’s near-impossible to achieve? Is what your commentator saying based on imaginings rather than 100% provable fact? Really think through and capture the flaws. Writing them down rather than just thinking them though is important because it connects you more deeply to the truth :)
• Step 4 – Switch it around: After identifying the flaws, challenge yourself to find three specific examples or proof points for the total opposite of what your commentator is telling you. For example, if your commentator says: “You can’t do this, you’re incapable and you’ll get it wrong”, find examples that could feasibly support the fact that you are capable and have got it right in other instances. This could be something like:?“I delivered X project well and Y gave me good feedback on it”, or “I used X skills when I worked on Y and I made a success of it”, or “X scored me well in my recent appraisal for skills I will use for this task.” Again, write these examples down. It’s likely you’ll experience resistance?when you start doing this as your commentator will want to win (!), but just sit with the challenge, thank your mind for its input, and have a go anyway. I promise you, in reality you will have hundreds or thousands of examples. The more you do it, the faster and easier it will become. So stick with it as the power of this approach?is in its repetition.

Claire used this exercise for six weeks, and by week seven she noticed a change.

“Last week I did something odd”, she told me.

“Without thinking about it, I spoke up in a meeting with very senior stakeholders, which is something I’ve always avoided for fear of showing myself up. Plus, I didn’t fret nearly as much about it afterwards.”

Claire thought this was strange, but then she started experiencing more of the same.

Bit by bit, without force or forward planning, she started pushing her own boundaries.

She volunteered for work outside her comfort zone, voiced her opinions more often, and spent far less time worrying about the potential consequences.

And to top it off, three months later, she was awarded her promotion ??

So if you want to change the record on your own self-doubt, give this approach a solid go.

Like Claire, you won’t regret it!

Alison x

P.S. If you really struggle with IMPOSTER SYNDROME and want to remove it for good, check out my latest podcast episode. In it I share insights, simple brain science, and tools to help you dissolve it once and for all (Yes, it can be done!!) Please do share it with anyone who might benefit from listening in too! https://livetrue.co.uk/podcast-019/