Changing Habits that No Longer Serve You

We all have habits that no longer serve us. Indeed, some of them even hold us back or, more worryingly, compromise our health and wellbeing. These habits need to change, yet changing them can prove difficult without understanding exactly what’s going on.

?Breaking the cycle of a bad habit requires a deep understanding of the cues, routines, and rewards associated with that habit. By becoming aware of these elements, you can gain more control over your responses and make conscious choices about how to respond. ?

To start, it's important to identify the cue or trigger that prompts the habit.?

When an email pings on your phone at 9 pm, your immediate reaction may be to answer it right away, regardless of the fact that you’ve set a clear boundary for home time. Instead of answering it, take some time to unpick your reaction.?What thoughts and emotions arise immediately??Frustration? The desire to please others? Annoyance? Anger? or that resignation that comes from thinking ‘here we go again’? Get as specific as you can…

Understanding these patterns will give you insights into what motivates you to persist with the habit.

Get curious. What other situations or events trigger similar reactions? It could be certain times of the day (or month), specific locations, certain people, or even emotional states. By recognising these cues, you can anticipate them in future, prepare for them and respond more appropriately.

Next, what’s the pattern or behaviour that follows the cue? In this case, it's immediately answering the email and potentially engaging in additional work-related tasks. ?

Lastly, examine the reward or positive reinforcement you receive from the habit. The reward could be feeling accomplished, being in good standing at work, or preparing for a potential promotion. However, it's essential to assess whether the reward truly aligns with your long-term well-being and values. In some cases, the short-term rewards may outweigh the negative consequences, making it difficult to break the habit.

What to Do

Once you have a clear understanding of the trigger, routine, and reward associated with the habit, you can start implementing strategies to change your behaviour. Here are a few techniques that can help:

1. Replace the routine: Instead of immediately answering the email, find an alternative action that aligns with your well-being and values. It could be taking a short break, engaging in a relaxing activity, or spending time with loved ones. Experiment with different alternatives to find what works best for you.
2. Modify the environment: Make changes to your physical or digital environment to reduce the occurrence of the cue. For example, you can set boundaries by turning off work notifications during specific hours or creating a designated workspace that you can physically leave at the end of the day.
3. Practice mindfulness: Develop awareness of your thoughts and emotions in the moments when the habit is triggered. This allows you to pause and consciously choose your response, rather than reacting automatically. Consider simple approaches like deep breathing, or take up meditation or journaling to cultivate mindfulness.
4. Seek support: Share your intentions and struggles with trusted friends, family members, or colleagues who can encourage you and hold you accountable. And if it’s a particularly difficult habit to break, consider joining support groups or seeking professional guidance .

Remember that breaking a habit takes time, effort, and patience. Be kind to yourself throughout the process and celebrate small victories along the way. With consistent practice and a willingness to change, you can create new, healthier patterns of behaviour. Ones that support you, as the talented and capable woman leader you are.

The tool my clients find most powerful for this exercise is trigger tracking. PM me if you'd like to know more.

Almira

Dr Almira Ross, Women’s Leadership Coach and Trainer

Subscribe to the newsletter and get weekly insights and tips to support your busy day-to-day.

P.S. Whenever you’re ready, here are 3 more ways in which we can help you elevate your performance, influence and impact.

1. For instant relief from a few of those everyday challenges, try these One Minute Wonders
2. Join the Female Leader's Collective and in this safe space, connect with other women leaders, where you'll find the support you need to share and resolve your challenges.
3. Register for the next masterclass and learn tried and tested strategies to let go of your imposter.