Changing gears

'Change the gear, you're driving at 40Kms but stuck in the 2nd gear, it's time to upshift', said my husband when I was learning driving. I hated driving a manual transmission car, the constant changing of gears added to the existing pressure of driving. To pile on the pressure, the car would stall suddenly attracting unnecessary cold stares from the passerby. It sounds silly to me now but then I felt humiliated like I've lost an Olympic medal and let the country down.   

One day I shook off the imagination of Olympics and told myself, so long as my driving doesn't hurt anyone physically, I'll chill and continue driving. My driving improved but given a choice I'll not get behind the wheels willingly. With that sorted, let's switch to a different lane where I've observed changing gears is the only way to drive, life.  

If life were to be an automobile, then we each have a unique model, accessories, engine capacity, destination, path, and mileage(so to speak). My best friend can suggest new upgrades to the car, share tips on driving better and safer, help me fix a flat tyre, also tow me if I'm stranded but only I can drive my life, that's non-negotiable, there's no chauffeur. Whether caught in a jam, stuck on a slope, or a narrow lane, I need to maneuver my life out of it on my own tactfully.  

The path of life is so dynamic that a straight road can suddenly have a hairpin bend, a newly paved road may develop a pothole overnight, not all will follow lane discipline, all these need me to constantly accelerate/decelerate and upshift/downshift the gears.   

Sometimes, just when I get it serviced, replace the worn-out parts, stock the tool kit, and set out cruising at top speed on a new journey, life has trolled me mercilessly. On what seemed like a 120 feet wide highway, I suddenly see a customized roadblock forcing me to suddenly decelerate and come to a grinding halt. Frustration is high and no amount of whacking the steering wheel is helpful. Family and friends can hear me cry but they cannot help me just yet because it takes a while for help to arrive until then I need to deal with this on my own. To add insult to injury, I see others nicely driving down the path making me wonder, why me? When the path appears straight and smooth for others, then why are am I being treated differently?   

All these thoughts make it difficult to pull myself together before try figuring out a solution. Along with despair, self-doubt creeps in weakening my confidence and making me question every past decision, did I not learn to drive properly? did I not plan properly? did I not put in the right amount of effort? Is this my bad Karma punishing me? Very soon I drown myself in these questions and hit rock bottom. After a while, things start to improve, I am inspired to use the energy within me to compose myself and suddenly find a novel way of using a tool that kick starts the first step towards the solution, this is enough to warm up my brain to get working. After multiple iterations(which take considerable time) I craft a unique solution that proved improbable in the past. Just in time help also arrives and everything seems to be working fine. I can drive again. Can I rev up the engine? Yes, Can I accelerate to top gear? Of course yes but gradually. Can I be assured I won't have a roadblock again? No, that option doesn't lie with me.  

Life has always been unpredictable and it'll continue being so, fighting/resisting this fact will simply make us sad. But if we take time and look through the haze of worry, despair, and anxiety, it's these blockers that chisel us and upgrade us to the next best version. Of course, it has a steep learning curve and according to Dr. Andrew Huberman, a Stanford Professor of neurobiology, agitation during learning is natural, the brain undergoes neuroplasticity(the ability of the brain to form new neural connections to adapt to changes) triggering multiple neurochemicals that lead to agitation. It's also common to feel like giving up but if one decides to lean into such learning stress carefully and consciously, if possible under somebody's guidance, then the brain gets enough time to adapt and acquire a new skill.  

Having said that, just like each one of us has a distinct driving style, navigating through tough times is also very subjective and personal, there's no definitive style and we should discover a suitable style on our own by leveraging the various resources available.   

A real automobile has an automatic version but life will always be manual. We can be proactive and preventative but life can also very creative in challenging us. Maybe that's what makes it so unique for all, it gives us opportunities to choose our path, craft our style, fashion our tools and write a different and impactful story.  

Now, I've been in your lane for a long time, I'll get out and let you enjoy your journey. Happy and safe driving.  

Reference: https://youtu.be/H-XfCl-HpRM (Huberman Lab Podcast)

PS: Driving is used metaphorically in the article and if you want to drive an automobile, please follow all the rules & guidelines laid down by the respective traffic authorities per your state/country.