Changing the Game in Your Divorce

Sometimes (OK maybe more than sometimes) we need reminders!

Reminders to self that state: YOU matter, mama. Your needs, wants, desires matter. You are allowed to take steps to protect what matters to you...and let’s start with your own health and wellbeing.

Why there? Why not with a lawyer, a financial advisor, a co-parenting counselor? Because you are the foundation from which all of this stands upon.

HOW you take care of yourself is directly related to the condition you will be in while making the big decisions and likely the outcome of those moves (including how you guide your kids through this all). ?

The good news is that you can control this — and that feels quite empowering in a moment when you likely feel anything but, right?

When was the last time you put yourself on top of the to-do list? And yes, I know your to-do list is jam-packed these days with mothering, working, divorcing and trying to keep your you-know-what together.

I get it. Really, I do.

For most, it’s been so long since they made themselves a priority that it feels rather strange and uncomfortable. That’s OK. Think of it as going back to the gym for the first time after a long hiatus...everything feels hard, your muscles feel sore...and then suddenly you see glorious results.

Stretching new life muscles can feel the same. Hey, you are birthing a new version of yourself. You are that butterfly squirming her way out of that cocoon, trying to stretch her wings.

You are allowed to support yourself here. In fact, you need to.

I also understand that taking on something else and saying YES to yourself may require saying NO something else. And when you look around at the landscape of your life, you may think there is no wiggle room, but there always is.

Try seeing life through a new lens. Start with witnessing yourself. Ask yourself things like:

What drains me — depletes my energy, peace, joy and ease?

What can I say NO to?

What feels like an unhealthy dance to nowhere?

Then continue by asking:

What would feel expansive, nurturing and supportive?

What would feel like a relief to step away from or let go?

Recently in our group coaching class with our incredible mamas, while we were engrossed in a juicy discussion about boundaries and bullies, we also discussed how to interrupt dysfunctional communication and interactions. We may not control the other side or how anyone may react, but we can take measures to stop participating.

What if you simply started by considering what you are no longer willing to participate in?

What if when triggered by your ex who knows how to bait you, push your buttons, and hit your nerves — you responded to them with this single statement:

I’m no longer available for this.

There’s a lot of power in those 6 words. They are clear and have a wall of protection around them.

I am no longer available for this unhealthy communication.

I am no longer available for these unproductive arguments.

?I am no longer available to be your emotional punching bag.

I am no longer available to upset the energy of the house and drag our kids down.

I am no longer available to pretend that I don’t see what I see, feel what I feel and know what I know.

I am no longer available to be frightened, manipulated, gas-lit and intimidated.

I am no longer willing to deny myself.

What would be on your list?

I am not available for...[write away]

And sidebar: This may seem uncomfortable at first, but also quite exhilarating. You are unleashing the part of you that has been trapped away desperately trying to bust a move.

But want to know the best part?

This isn’t one and done. That’s not the way healing works. When you begin to heal a part of yourself, it trickles down into other aspects of your life, and you start to move differently in the world. Divorce skills are life skills, and they begin with identifying what you are no longer available to participate in.

So, what do you want to leave behind, mama?

If you want to begin healing, setting boundaries and stepping into your power and clarity as you face off with divorce,?book a free strategy session.?

Together, we'll change the trajectory of your divorce, saving you time, money and a LOT of heartache.?

To divorcing differently,

— Kristen

#divorce #divorcecoach #divorcedifferently