Changes and grief: a journey to resilience

A tale about shifts in lives, big or small. How we can process grief and what positive outcomes those changes can bring. And what we could possibly achieve if we took the leap and took what comes

As the Polish school winter holiday season is in full swing, last week I decided to take some time off. Luckily, I cannot ski, so I dedicated myself to pack all of our belongings into countless paper boxes. Although I quite got used to changing locations and lived in several places already, moving out from Warsaw was a recent major shift in my personal life. And while dealing with loss and holding on hope for new beginnings, this experience made me think about going through changes and grief itself.

I’ve found several podcasts that shed some light on how we process grief and adapt to changes. If you can relate, listen to The Science & Process of Healing from Grief episode by Andrew Huberman, Ph.D. who - as a neuroscientist - discusses grief and the challenges of processing losses of different kinds. This is a comprehensive guide of what are the biological mechanisms of grief and how neural circuits for emotional and factual memory combine with those for love and attachment, to create feelings of absence and yearning. It always amazed me how strong and agile human beings are and how our minds adjust to new reality with such resilience.?

I guess we can physically distance ourselves in order to cut ties between time, space, and attachment to our lost loved ones or places still mapped in our brains, or use creativity to build narratives or even whole imaginariums supporting changes and helping us to heal. Like “do you want the truth or something beautiful” kinda way. And this reminds me about two films I watched recently: Tótem and The Boy and the Heron. But as a Sailor Moon and Studio Ghibli generation representative, passionate about Japanese language and culture, I will just say that the end credits of Miyazaki’s motion picture were flashing before my teary eyes and a torn heart yet full of tenderness, warmth, and hope. Highly recommended, if you haven't watched it.

This week I had the opportunity to speak with a great colleague of mine, Krzysztof Grz?da, one of our PwC Leaders. During a truly meaningful and deep conversation, he shared his perspective on the process of going through changes.

Could you tell me about one of the biggest changes in your professional life?

One of the massive professional lifetime shifts was a decision to leave a company I worked for 25 years. I precisely remember the moment when I realized something was over and I needed to move on. I felt appreciated there, and shared really great memories with my colleagues. But at some point I felt all good things had already happened and I was yearning for something more. This was a process in motion, but I guess the decision of leaving was triggered by my bicycle accident and an exclusion from the professional environment for 3 months following the event. This time made me reflect and reevaluate. I realized that although generally my team, supervisors, and myself were satisfied, I needed some changes. I perceive myself as an optimistic person, trying to look at the bright side of life and my glass is rather half full than empty. This personal trait probably gives me a very positive approach to changes. I feel excitement, I’m full of energy, rather than gloomy and resentful.?

I truly missed my people. I took some time to say goodbyes while visiting colleagues in different locations personally. I spent over two hours crafting my last email and picking up all names from distribution lists to make sure this message safely lands in their inboxes. My team gave me a beautiful present. I’m cherishing the album they created until now. This collection of the good memories and successes we created together was the best summary and a closing chapter of that period. Even now, I feel nothing but joy and gratitude.

So I guess you were ready for this change and it just went smoothly, right? I imagine you felt something was gradually changing in you and there was no other way than to walk a different path.

Yes, and I guess I felt no regrets although there still was plenty of uncertainty and lots of different questions in my mind. But I was ready for a new chapter and when the new opportunity came, I gladly took it, and went with the flow as you may say. As a restless spirit myself, I advise anyone to always look at what's beyond the horizon, anticipate, and cherish changes. Any step forward is a success, appreciate your everyday effort.?

Keep your eyes on the prize and stay positive, I like it. Any more advice to someone who is deliberating any major shifts in their lives?

If you leave things as they are, they will eventually change, but without your consent and direction. Take your life in your own hands to make sure those changes serve you and are not a thing that just happens to you, ready or not. Share your doubts with someone. I’m currently involved in Dwa sektory, jedna wizja mentoring program run by PwC Foundation to support leaders who perform their activities within the public sphere in NGOs. I’m a mentor of an amazing and experienced professional. I believe this cooperation brings many benefits to both of us. So when going through changes, trust someone, talk to them. Then plan next steps and execute them. I like saying that vision without action is just hallucination. This resonates with me. Personally, I also love the metaphor of smoke from a chimney. We start building a home from a dream, a vision, a feeling of safety, spending time with family and friends. We initiate the process by holding into a truly wonderful and peaceful vision. And then we plan things that take us there and make it a real experience. And last but not least, try to keep balance in life, have a hobby that makes you feel alive. This will give you strength. After finishing the marathon in my 40s, I felt invincible!

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My dear friend once said that we, human beings, are afraid of changes. But I would say after the author of The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse, Charlie Mackesy: Imagine how we would be if we were less afraid.

Have a great weekend! #FridayGratitude