Change the world

Yesterday, in a prefect ceremony, my son’s preparatory school chose him as deputy head boy. I am supposed to be a proud mom sharing this news.

?I choose to tell a different story. Not to take away from my son who is, see my carefully chosen words, hardworking, helpful, smart, empathetic, overtly confident and an extrovert. I choose, in my story, to give voice to the children who were not 'prefect badged' and who received no praise and encouragement. One of these children is my daughter at a ceremony a few months earlier.

?We were 'proud' parents yesterday, but even for us, the two-and-a-half-hour ceremony with longwinded lecture-like speeches and mundane video clips was grueling to sit through. I glanced to my right halfway into the ceremony. There was a kid 'unbadged' bent over, asleep, forced to be present. His fellow learners, fidgeting and restless, seemed tortured.

?When my daughter who is, see my carefully chosen words again, even more hardworking than my son, also helpful, smart, empathetic, but, quietly confident, and an introvert was not chosen as a prefect, she was told it was because she was not popular enough.?That she volunteered long hours of service never missing a school event, tutored the little kids at the school in the hard lock down, and that teachers regularly asked her to help-out, that service was irrelevant. In stark contrast, a new and popular kid with no service history in the school but who humorously promised sweet treats if picked, was chosen as prefect. “Is prefectship not about the promise and demonstration of service and not about popularity?” She directed her question to me. I knew instantly this was my child's introduction to 'the world is not fair'. She questioned the selection process; she questioned the system she had aspired to be a part of for so long over and over. She was broken.

?Fast forward, my son anguished about being elected by the very system that he strongly believes unfairly let his sister down. Despite her broken faith, she sat him down to show him her social media teeming with praise for her brother, the school's new deputy head boy. She told him to use his new voice to change the system. She told him she loved him for the badge and despite the badge. He hung on to her every word.

?My daughter has now moved on. She no longer volunteers at school events. Instead, she focuses on her dual future career. Yes, she is pursuing other studies, in addition to matric next year. She is determined to escape the system’s?pressures to make the matric exams the end all be all. It took being broken by the system for her to finally escape its many demons.

?My son, I think, will also not be trapped. He is empathetic and outspoken. He speaks his mind without fear. For the longest time, I told him his disposition will fail him in a society not ready to change. Now, I think differently. Children like him will change the world because they do not seek outside validation.

?Yes, I am a proud parent, not for the badge but because my children can finally see beyond the badge. They are mentally free. As for my post, I hope to be the voice of the kid who sat there, slumped over, asleep and who did not get any praise because he did not get the badge.

?# change our education systems’ impact on our children.

# the love of siblings.

# teach our kids never to seek external validation for who they are.