To change what divides us, we must change what defines us.

That question is the first line of a song, written and recorded by Alan Jackson, following the September 11, 2001 attacks on the United States. Like many, Jackson could not escape the gut wrenching events of that day and emotions he felt in the weeks that followed. So, he did what he does. He put to music that which went through so many hearts and minds.

I recall hearing him perform the song on a televised award show. Tears welled up. It all resonated so strongly with me, and among the most moving lines were these …

• “Did you weep for the children, they lost their dear loved ones; pray for the ones who don’t know? Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble and sob for the ones left below?”
• “Did you burst out with pride for the red, white, and blue, and the heroes who died just doin' what they do?”
• “Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers, stand in line to give your own blood?”

Judging by how the song performed on the charts across multiple genres, I know his penetrating questions struck home with millions.

Why? Why did this devastating, tragic experience and his lyrics captivate us? Why did we weep for strangers? Why did we go out of our way to do something good for others, including many with whom we probably had disagreements? In short, why did we pull together in unity without so much as trying? And why, in time, did unity fade?

On reflection, I believe it’s because differences that can be used to divide us were traumatically stripped away and replaced in an instant by a larger identity … our common humanity. For a time, we changed what defined us.

Human beings are complicated to say the least. We have a capacity for good - to love, to serve others, to create, and to build healthy community. And we also have a potential for evil - to hate, to be selfish, to tear down, and to retreat into exclusive groups who distrust others not like us.

But most of us don’t live at the extremes. We go through each day doing the best we can to live productive, meaningful lives. We don’t hate, we don’t try to oppress, and we don’t hurt others. We do, however, have a tendency to live in our own little worlds, and there are some very loud voices out there calling our attention to narrowly defined parts of our world, parts that are real and with which we identify. These narrow identities define us by our political views, philosophies, faith, race, ethnicity, age, abilities, gender, sexual orientation, and cultures to name a few.

While each of these is important and add depth, perspective, and spice, none represent a whole person. Each of us are much more than one of those identities alone. As Aristotle observed, “the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”

When loud voices are permitted to define us in narrow terms, the resulting parts splinter, division creeps in, trust erodes, and problems worth solving persist. Social issues, family relationships, the economy, health care concerns, violence, energy, climate, education, immigration, etc.?Challenges in all of these areas and more are allowed to fester amidst the disunity and decay brought on by loud voices which seek to divide by definition.

If you’re sick of it, the good news is it doesn’t have to be this way. Life has taught me when we change what defines us, we can change what divides us. Just as happened in the weeks following that September day, when we define ourselves at higher levels, unity naturally follows. I’ve seen it firsthand in relationships, business settings, volunteer groups, and more.

It’s at the higher levels of identity where we find common goals, the ability to put self interest and past hurts aside, and develop the persistence to find solutions that honor the inevitable differences in opinions, ideas, and lived experience. In fact, it is exactly all of that difference, harnessed for higher purpose, that makes success possible! What’s more, I think we know this is inherently true.

So why then is division so rampant today? Part of me thinks it's because the loud voices want it that way. Divide and conquer as it were. But part of me acknowledges that it's just difficult for us to always yield our smaller identities to the larger whole.

For each context in our lives, we must find the courage to define ourselves at higher levels. For example:

• When the context is at home, perhaps you elevate the identity of husband over that of individual family member and find ways to nurture your wife’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Start by making sure you know and understand her dreams. Then ask how you can give yourself to the cause. Oneness in your marriage will improve.
• When the context is at work, perhaps you elevate the identity of team player over the identity found in your specific job. You could spend time mentoring the newest associates or organizing cross functional teams in an effort to pursue common goals. The walls that separate will begin to crumble.
• When the context is your community, perhaps you elevate the identity found at the center of your faith over the identity found in comfortable, familiar groups of people like you. You could give your time, talent, and treasure to organizations that help people, even and especially those with whom you can’t relate.?After all, the Great Commandment (Luke 10:25-37) requires you to love your neighbor. CityLink Center and Bonton Farms are two examples of organizations that are helping people achieve sustainable life change. Places like this need you.

We also must find the courage to resist those loud voices. They can be in our faces constantly, seeking to carve out and exploit single parts of us. And they are persuasive, appealing to parts of us that probably have been offended in some way. But without diminishing real problems, resisting the pull to lower levels of identity is necessary. If you doubt it, just observe for a moment where all those voices are leading us in our country, organizations, communities, and relationships. Let's not wait for another tragic day to force us to put differences aside. We can and must do better.

And for me, unity is always worth the effort.

When have you elevated what defines you and seen division give way to unity? Share it with us. We need to hear your story!

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together?in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV