Change vs. Transformation

Mom: My dear son, how many times do I tell you? Don’t watch TV all day- your eyes will get damaged, baba!

Son: Thank you, ma! I am so grateful… you literally opened my eyes! From now on, I will watch TV everyday for only half an hour everyday and weekends will be for family time!

Could it get any more ridiculous?

If change could be brought upon like this, we would be applauding like Kader khan at every playdate, streaming tears of joy at every parent teacher meeting and jumping with glee after every get-togethers on being congratulated for having such unique works of art as children !

Bol diya aur ho gaya! 

Yeah, the side effect would be that moms would have to hunt for newer topics to talk about and parenting forums would get deserted. And, I would definitely miss those looks of sympathy from the older womenfolk!

But frankly, how can transformation of behaviour really happen?

Ever since I ventured into this field, I have been aghast at what parents do to ensure a near-decent behaviour from their children. Imploring ( beta, woh choti hai…. De do….), Berating (Hitting others -galat baat….) and nagging ( how many times do I have to remind you) and even bribery(the Promised Land – toffees, chocolates, extra TV time!).                             

Ultimately the Index finger comes out , a hidden threat that the world will come to an end if XYZ is not undertaken. Either the child smartens up to the fact that the world does not come to an end if you don’t share your brand new Fischer with your mother’s cousin twice removed, or the parent collapses from exhaustion as well as brain damage . And since there is no lid on the sound button in their vocal chords, before long, the entire mall looks in pure wonder and amazement as they see yet another frazzled mother, frazzled child and the frazzlement in the air!

So, ok.. now we all know what doesn’t work? And to find out what does, let’s spend a moment to ponder on our real goal- the transformation of behaviour. Let me explain.

Say, you would want your child to switch off all the lights as he exits the room.

Stage 1: We have better things to worry about. Lights- that my mom can take care of!

Stage 2: He switches off the lights ;the caveat being that you have to remind him- every single time. (IT starts with gentle and soft reminders and then after a point you actually start yelling to ensure execution)

Stage 3: He remembers to switch off the lights on his own.(Eureka!)

Stage 4: In continuation with the practice of switching off the lights when not in use,he tells his friends how important it is to manage electricity and shares his ideology with his peer group further inspiring them-loosely translated into ownership of the ideal.

Where do you rate your child on the above stages? Does he /she drag on everyday tasks or race towards his chores with ownership and commitment ?

We can bring about revolution through our children. Let’s discuss ideas on how to achieve the same .

Do wait for my next blog.

Yours with love,

Shivangi