Change someone’s life: take them to lunch

In honor of International Women’s Day 2022 #IWD2022

I went on a Nora Ephron rom-com binge with my daughter recently (Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve got Mail—we skipped When Harry met Sally) Afterwards, I couldn’t help but dig into the life and times of Ephron, celebrated writer, journalist, Academy-award nominated filmmaker and an inspiration to generations of women.?

As I continued down the rabbit hole of fan-girldom, I came across a tribute to her by Lena Dunham, creator and star of HBO’s series Girls (and four-time Emmy nominee at age 26), in remembrance of Nora.?Before reading it, I wondered fleetingly, how did Lena make it into Nora’s orbit??How did she get so lucky (successful female writers’ club notwithstanding) as to have a relationship with the Nora Ephron?

It took me a mere two paragraphs to find out. ?Like so many before and after her, Dunham fell in love with Ephron from afar.??But unlike so many others, she did something (in this case, made a short indie film) that made Ephron take note.?And as she says, “in March of 2011, I received a short, perfect e-mail from Ephron, saying she had seen and enjoyed my film and would like to take me to lunch.”

I stopped reading cold.?This was almost unfathomable to me—Nora Ephron simply reaching out and offering to take a young female screenwriter / filmmaker to lunch.?It was brilliant.?It was unexpected.?It was so unbelievably generous.?Do famous people do this often, I wondered?

I have no idea whether or not Ephron’s generosity is common, in Hollywood or any other industry for that matter, but I do know this—her offer to take Dunham to lunch proved life changing for the young, untested, pre-approved, pre-Emmy-nominated Dunham.??

And so there you have it—you can become a mentor in thirty seconds flat—by offering to take a young, talented woman to lunch.??Better yet, take a young, talented woman who doesn’t look like you, comes from a different background than you, or has a totally different career trajectory than you— to lunch. ?That’s it. ?That’s all you have to do.

Instead of waiting for the struggling graphic designer, digital marketer or future novelist to find you, instead of waiting for your company to assign you a random new hire to mentor—simply keep your eyes and ears open.?

And when you spot it—that talent, ambition, hard work, optimism, drive or enthusiasm—whatever kernel of passion or light you remember about yourself when you started out—gather your nerve, clear your deck for an hour, and offer up lunch.??It really isn’t any more complicated than that.?

You have tons of wisdom and insight to share.?There’s always someone coming up behind you.?Next-gen talent would love to hear about the path you’ve taken, decisions you’ve made (the good and bad and ugly), career detours and stumbles, surprising successes and how they’ve changed your life or your career.

When you spot potential—identify it, acknowledge it and ?help nurture it.??Lunch can change someone’s life.??Once you’ve set the wheels in motion, there’s plenty of resources out there on how to maintain the relationship and become a great mentor (I’ll cover that one day in this newsletter) but simply taking the first step is the biggest hurdle to clear.??

So, there you have it.?In honor of talented women across the globe, in honor of the incomparable and timeless Nora Ephron —take someone to lunch.

Who’s taken you to lunch and changed your life??