change of perspective
Back in February, my son hit his head at school and came home with a “head injury form” that told us to look out for signs of a concussion. The next morning he started vomiting, complained of headaches, was disoriented, and generally felt terrible. These were all signs that pointed to concussion. I called the local Urgent Care and they said to go straight to the ER. Oh boy, we’re in trouble. I didn’t panic at this point but knew that I needed to get my son there quickly. You just never know with head injuries.
We got in and out of the ER in about 90 minutes. He got a head CT and the doctors checked him out. Everything looked fine. The ER doctor probed my son for some answers trying to figure this mess out. He then asked the, now, $2500 question. “Have you had any diarrhea?” My son answers, “Yes.” You can see the relief on the doctor’s face as he concludes that my son (most likely) picked up a stomach bug at the nurse’s office at school. The doctor reassures me that I did the right thing and he would have done the same thing in my position.
Three months later, I’m staring at 3 separate bills from the hospital totaling around $2500. I’m not mad. I’m way past mad. I’m furious… raging, even! I go off on a tirade to my wife about the travesty that is American health care and the injustice of the system. I call the hospital and complain about the costs. They give me a 25% discount and I still complain. It’s at this very same moment that the Holy Spirit does what He does so well and says, “Hey, Ryan… what seems to be the issue?” I begin the inner dialogue and rant with the Spirit of God. God is a great listener! He also has just the right word for every occasion; “Perspective.”
In a moment, my attitude was adjusted. My perspective changed when I considered that had this visit to the hospital ended badly and my son needed brain surgery, that $2500 would have been gladly paid and gratitude would have filled my heart for the doctors and hospital that saved my son’s life. Why did I feel so justified to complain and rage with fury just because my kid turned out ok?
Turns out, there is a lot going on in this old heart of mine. Anger, for many people, is the result of not having control. We often try to control the things in life we fear the most. I wish I had time to divulge all of the inner intricacies of my heart here, but that could fill a book. I’ll cut to the chase… when I get angry like this I tell God to take the back seat get out of the car.
His presence in the person of the Holy Spirit is amazing. Here’s what Paul says in Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”
Funny thing about fruit is… fruit is the tree. It is not simply some by-product. If you have an apple, you have a future apple tree. The fruit nourishes the seeds of the tree to come. Oh, the wonderful paradox of the Gospel. I can’t do it, but God can through me. If I could let God be God in me then a lot of these messes could be avoided! If I could let God be God in me how many people could enjoy the fruit as the seeds of faith are planted in their soul? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are the seeds of faith to the world around us. (Self-control is a funny paradox in and of itself. In order to have control of the self, you must let the Spirit have control.)
In the same way that I lost perspective over the hospital bills and told God to exit the car, I lost perspective with the people at the hospital and chose to walk in the flesh. We see one outcome from one vantage point. If we will take a moment and consider what else could happen, it may help keep us in check. There is almost always more going on than meets the eye. I wonder what my conversations with hospital billing personnel could have looked like had I any wherewithal to see beyond myself. I wonder about the seeds of faith that weren’t planted because of my sinfulness. I wonder about the productivity that was stifled because of my poor outlook.
It’s times like this that I am thankful for a savior. I’m thankful that my sins no longer separate me from God, but I’m disappointed that my sins separate me from the folks I interact with. I’m reminded that I can’t, but he can… the beautiful paradox.