The Change in Me
Karen Bontrager
Founder Crisis to Courage for Men I Podcast | 16-24 | ★ Money & Thought Leader | TBRI Trauma Clinician | LMHCA Therapist | ACC Trauma Coach | No Fear in Love Race President | Coaching | Scholar | Fierce Men’s Advocate
This powerful poem marks an incredibly painful anniversary for a failed suicide attempt of a dear gentleman, who chose to remain unanimous. He is courageous in sharing what normally remains a mystery.
Can we be the way we were?
Thinking all the time what caused the sphere.
Alive, but somewhat different, maybe even a new person.
Looking at life in a reckless way without reason.
To think since then, I should not be around.
Too shy to put up a fight; stand my ground.
I'm different even in looks, this I know.
Stuck in a time warp, not wanting to grow.
The anniversary of that day a reminder of the trauma.
Forget it I say, alas I can't, I'm reminded, of the drama.
Has it changed my life I ask?
Let me rejoice, as I hide behind a mask.
I would not have been here today.
I really wanted to take my life away.
I've become fragile, since that time.
Not understanding the reason: I'm in my prime.
Little things said sometimes hurt me.
Holding back my words, rather chained, than free.
I really truly have changed; my old self is misplaced.
My new ways, new existence, all due to the trauma I have faced.
Help I ask, can't you see?
The change that has overcome me.
The powerful poem marks the anniversary of a man, chosen to remain anonymous, who attempted to take his life via suicide. The pain is real, but it is only in telling these #crisistocourage4men stories, healing is made possible, which was my encouragement. Possibly, one day he can tell it himself, but presently he asked me to convey the message to help another guy make different choices.
Pixabay Contributor
Thank you for reading.
Your thoughts are very appreciated.
Author’s Bio
Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and fellas, 25+ stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.
She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article/poem/commentary for 16-24-year-old men and fellas, 25+, stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.
Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1130105/listings
https://open.spotify.com/show/0hBtQMFu6eOoHAJBZVRgiQ
https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMTMwMTA1LnJzcw==
https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/3017583
https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-pl-1258925
https://www.deezer.com/us/show/1372142
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-platform-for-udrRN3OmV9o/
Are you a man, 16-24, or 25+ which feels stuck mentally, and is not able to move forward due to a traumatic past, which shows up as anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, and needs support? Or, do you feel something gets in the way emotionally from you loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams, but are not sure what? Please DM me on Linked In for an opportunity to talk.
Laurea university of Applied sciences
4 年My heart is in tears reading this poem . Such words come from great agony and intense/continuous hurt. The more pain we feel the more love and compassion we feel to rescue others. I was rescued by the warmth of Christ Jesus. I let Him in my life after a long reluctant struggle-filled life. My Savior pulled me out of miry clay and put me back together . God doesn’t leave us stranded. He helps us out of all our dark prisons and releases light, freedom, confidence, sel-esteem, hope and gives us His bold identity. I’m a living miracle. I’m a witness to what the Lord has done for me. Christ our Messiah can help anyone who calls on His name. That’s the reason God sent His Son to rescue the lonely and the lost . Isaiah 61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; HE HAS SENT ME TO HEAL THE BROKEN-HEARTED ( I repeated this line twice because I was broken-hearted) He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
Sabbatical - working on my next painting at Life
4 年To the Author...what change in you would there had been for you to see if not giving yourself a chance...what about the beauty of further and new changes to be experienced as you grow to love and trust yourself...this world would surely lack your input and contribution to it...you are stronger than you think...you are an integral part of this puzzle we call life. Peace
Helping people by finding overlooked details.
4 年Thank you, Karen, for sharing this and for the tag. I have never been suicidal but have known individuals who were. It is as if the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off and there is no hope of it ever coming back on. I am so glad this man survived. Many do not. One of my friends did not. The thought that I would share is that when in the depths of despair, reach out, ask for help. For those of us not in the pits of perceived no hope, we need to be watching those around us, looking for those who may be in the pit and reach out to them and give them hope. Breathe it into them like CPR, if we must. If someone asks for help - give it. Don't brush them off. Suicide is permanent.
Emmy-Nominated TV, Video & Event Director | Messaging Strategist | Author, “The 7 Disciplines of Relationship Marketing” | Leadership and Near Death Experience (NDE) Keynote Speaker ?? ?? ??
4 年What a gut wrenching and heartfelt work of art Karen Bontrager ! The reality that was poured out here is both tragic and exquisitely beautiful??
Partner at CDI Global LLC | CDI Space & Technology | Tactical Solutions Group | Adjunct Teacher of Entrepreneurship and Innovation
4 年Thanks Karen for sharing this. Typically we are involved in conversations and life as silos, we are not aware of what is happing or occurring over here…. We project and fill-in with assumptions, and in reality we don’t know, what is really happening.... People are always in the middle of something and rarely do we provide a space for ourselves or others to freely express.