On change

Ealy this summer I had the pleasure of accompanying my mom to visit her sister in her childhood home. My aunt and uncle, in their 90s, live in the house my mom grew up in on Long Island, NY.

?I love my family dearly, and seeing this house I adored as a child for what may be the last time was important. Spending time with my mom, aunt, and aging uncle was priceless. My aunt is mentally sharp, but my uncle, the only one I've known, not so much. I am glad his dry humor is still there. Perhaps that’s where I got it from.

As we left, I realized how much this 100+ year old house is a reflection of change. The family moved in 1943. My aunt has been living there for nearly 80 years, except for when she went to college and when my uncle was stationed elsewhere.

My mom and her other sister left shortly after college with their spouses and moved to the mid-Atlantic and West coast, respectively. But the oldest sister stayed. My cousins grew up in that house. This is a house where three, and occasionally four, generations lived together.?

When you’re ninety years old, regardless of your mental state, your body isn’t what it used to be. I think if you’re reading this, I’ve known you awhile or you’re near my age and understand how quickly your body changes as you get older.

The brick house, the wonderful staircase, attic, and a creaky staircase to the dark, dank but once stunning basement are beautiful, but difficult to maneuver as you get older. Oh, and I should mention the limited window air conditioning units!

This place is incredibly special to me. My first memory is from my childhood, the Thanksgiving after my father passed. My grandmother who lived there, called her daughters and said everyone needed to come home for Thanksgiving. My mom, sisters, aunts, and cousins all came together in this house in a calm neighborhood. We slept on mattresses in the living room. We went for a hike in the “magic forest” with candy on trees (I was six at the time). There were at least 13 people in the house that weekend, possibly more with friends and "family" dropping by. There are countless memories in that house and I thought that was the coolest house. And for years after, we all gathered each year. Eventually, the older cousins moved out, got married, and had children.

Change is inevitable.

Some 20 years later, when I lived in Connecticut, my family would visit the house. There was a constant presence of love, laughter, and good times. But change is inevitable, right??

Every cousin’s spouse and child wanted to see the house. It is a legacy. It is it something it was never meant to be, and beyond my grandparent’s wildest dreams. At least I think so, but if you ask my (long passed) grandmother, Nana, I think it’s exactly what she envisioned.

Change is hard. When you don’t know the joy change may bring, you avoid change.

My aunt and uncle continue to live a great life. They have the option to move to a more suitable place to live. But nobody, nobody likes to change. Sure, some of you reading this eagerly embrace change and regularly chase the next great thing. I tend to be a more conservative, sometimes staying in one place doing the same thing a little too long. Personally, fear of change and patience has worked out for me so far. I have a beautiful family that I patiently waited for, accepting the change each child brings.

Professionally, I have been lucky, timing jobs and changing roles have worked out very well. I don’t know what my next change will be, but I know this time I will embrace and look forward to change.

Since my mom’s family moved to this exceptional house in 1943, many extended family and friend lived there. It is the only place everyone gathered because it was the place to be.

But nobody should feel compelled to stay in what was once a great, futuristic, awesome place that everyone congregated to, just because it was a place to be. It’s important to know when you’ve stayed too long, when it’s time to move to a modern, joyful, and engaging place. A place you can relax and enjoy your time.

My uncle is super sweet, has that dry sense of humor, and has grand stories about his life as a Merchant Marine, and later working in New York City. He has stories about all the adventures he took during his service and after with my aunt. My aunt is a social butterfly who loves to talk to people and exudes love. Their fear of change is blocking them from meeting new people, from my uncle being the "mayor" and my aunt being the yente. That could be a fun life for them. It makes me a little sad that they love the place so much they won’t take to change.

Whatever place you are in, change can bring a future of new relationships, new friends, and definitely new opportunity. You just need to make the first step.

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