Change is hard.

If you are going through a season of change, it is normal to feel overwhelmed or to be overwhelmed. When life has changed, has started to change or will be changing soon, a sense of overwhelm is almost par for the course. In my mind, it is actually abnormal if someone is perfectly fine when they're going through change.

I don't know who needs to hear this today, but it is okay not to be okay.

Understandably, we put on our brave faces when tackling change and it is a way to cope and to help us get through the change, but being brave and reaching out to someone for help can make the world of a difference.

I have jotted down some real-life examples of changing circumstances that can cause uncertainty, overwhelm, gratitude, anxiety, fear, joy, hopelessness, hope, regret, comfort and a whole stack of emotions more. It is important to note that some of the things in the list below are positive. And just because something is arguably positive, like getting a new house, it doesn't make it any less overwhelming.

• Getting married, losing a spouse or separating from one
• Gaining or losing a close family member or friend
• Having a child or watching them leave home
• Getting, changing, losing or leaving a job (think emigration or retirement)
• Buying a new house, not being able to find the right one or losing one
• Becoming more social or feeling more isolated
• Going on holiday

I promise I am not here to psychoanalyze you

Now, before I move on, I must mention this: I am not a healthcare professional like a counsellor, a therapist, or a psychologist and nor am I trying to be one. Although what I do has been described as therapeutic, and in that, I take great pride, you would've seen from my LinkedIn description that I am a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER? professional. Yes, sure, some of the skills overlap (like listening and asking questions), but the jobs are vastly different (also incredibly complimentary though).

If I can summarise in one sentence what I have the privilege of doing every day, it is to answer the following client question: "Am I going to be okay?" (or a version thereof at least).

The reason why I wanted to make it very clear that I am not a healthcare professional or even a life coach (life coaches can be highly impactful during seasons of change by the way) is because I wouldn't want you to assume that when you're navigating a change like getting married or separating from your partner, that it only touches your life and not your money.

Susan Bradley summarised it like this: "When money changes life changes, and when life changes money changes.”. Susan Bradley Sudden Money? Institute

I have observed people (trying to) completely separate that which seems related to finance or money from that which is related to their life. And what you can rightly do is differentiate between the two, but what you can't do is to separate them. To simplify the rest of the thoughts that I want to share with you, I am going to refer to everything related to finance and money as the technical side of money and everything else as the personal side of money.

The technical side of money vs the personal side of money

The picture above is a visual representation of how you can differentiate between the technical and the personal side of money, but it is critical to remember that you can not separate the two. Both of these areas are important and very complex, but it is the personal side of money that drives our decision-making. If you were to pause for a moment... and really think about it, you would be able to recall a time that:

--> You didn't make a decision based on the facts (the technical side of money), but you rather leaned on feelings, your instincts and what you knew to be the right decision to make at that moment (the personal side of money).

If you've made enough decisions solely relying on the personal side of money, without considering the technical side of money, you would arguably have made a decision that hasn't served you in the season of change. And that is what I would love to zoom in on.

Making decisions that serve you

Let's be real. Making critical decisions on the best of days isn't easy. Making decisions amid a big change in your life can be nearly impossible and back to my opening sentence - overwhelming. I recently heard someone call events like these "lifequakes" and if that's not the most accurate description of what we sometimes face, I don't know what is. If you have ever faced or are currently facing the heartache of having said goodbye to a soulmate, the loss of your dream job or your forever home, an impending marital separation, the sale of your business which has become a part of your identity, the birth of your child or the emptiness of your home now that your child has taken their first strides as an adult, then you will have a level of understanding of the term "lifequake".

When faced with any one of these "lifequakes", we are often forced to make pretty big, impactful and sometimes irreversible decisions and when you make decisions that carry this much weight, you want to be sure that they will serve you now and into the future. And when there is this much at stake, you can imagine the potential chaos when decisions are made only on the consideration of the personal side of money. The technical side of money becomes critically important when for example navigating the ensuing death benefit claims and estate wind-up after the death of a spouse. If the technical side of money is not deeply considered during this time, it can lead to future stresses which can cause a prolonged sense of overwhelm, confusion and sadly regret.

Through the lens of the technical and the personal side of money, it is important to approach impending decisions with balance. We intuitively know that we make decisions with information weighted to the personal side of money. It wouldn't be helpful to combat this tendency by making decisions solely weighted to the technical side of money. Good decisions are made when we are well-balanced between the technical and the personal side of money.

If you can understand the impact of the decision on the personal side of money:

• how you will feel when you've made the decision (peace not anxiety)
• how relationships could be impacted by it
• how it supports your self-esteem
• how it will aid your overall well-being in the short-, medium- and long-term

and you've considered the impact that it will have on the technical side of money:

• how it brings security to your current and future cash flow
• how the investments will provide you with flexibility and peace of mind
• that your plans won't be derailed by unplanned and unforeseen taxes

then I believe you are best positioned to make a decision that will truly serve you not only now but also your future you.

I've got some decisions to make and I am not sure if I am up to it

Advisors, wealth managers and financial planners are traditionally really good at the technical side of money, but they have not always been very good at the personal side of money. This is no longer the case. Over time we've developed our skills and experience and we've discovered incredible tools and strategies to help marry the personal and the technical side of money.

So, if you are reading this and you've got a decision ahead of you and you want to make sure that the decisions will serve you (by not neglecting either the personal or the technical side of money), I would love to journey with you through this season. We've helped countless people navigate their time of change and they've safely made it through to the other side fully intact.