"Change is Hard and I can't seem to stick to it." Sound Familiar?
~3min. Read. Part 4 of "What is this coach thing anyway?" Chris Renner TruNorth Coaching and Business Advisory Services
Habits take a long time to form and often longer to change, particularly if they hinder one's goals. Numerous books, quotes, and analogies offer advice on habits and methods to implement change. However, it is essential to understand that the common denominator in change is yourself, and you must find an approach suitable for your situation, and the outcome has to be personally relevant.
?We all seek fast “magic” solutions to overcome our challenges, but the harsh reality is that change requires both time and commitment to something personally significant.
?Continuing the personal trainer example, individuals may need assistance to set reasonable and achievable goals and require a support system to adhere to their plan. For instance, few people want to wake up at 6 a.m. for exercise to train for a new sport, lose weight, run a marathon. But they are committed to the challenge and the ultimate self satisfaction of achieving the goal and/or having more energy for friends, family, or travel.
?The business example may be that few people want to spend 10 extra minutes asking tough questions during a stressful workday. But they desire to be perceived as thoughtful leaders at work or supportive spouses at home, making the effort worth it for a more efficient day or more collaborative team and less stressful days or working late nights and weekends.
?Usually no one wants to do those things at first because they are hard. But with practice, repetition and success, new habits and behaviours form and the results are more enjoyment or satisfaction.
?I can not stress enough that whatever the goal is, the motivation must be important to you not done just for others or social pressures.
?My example? I do not exercise and eat well so I can run a marathon or look like an Instagram post. It is important to me (as an older parent) to stay healthy so I can be an active part of my daughter’s life and be able to travel with my wife late into our lives. My vision of the future was one of family, not one of pride or social pressure, making the outcome for me worth the work I put in.
?A common question I am asked is “Am I trying to build new habits or break old ones?” and the straightforward answer is "Both." ??People often struggle with changing habits for several reasons: (1) setting overly ambitious initial goals; (2) giving themselves insufficient time for the new habit to develop; (3) attempting to change too many things simultaneously; (4) lack of a support system or positive feedback loop; and (5) reluctance to seek help or feedback (fear of failure).
?Our defense mechanisms against a bruised ego and failure can stop us before we gain the momentum we need. Coaches can identify potential, help set achievable goals, leverage your existing strengths, help you discover new ones, and provide valuable feedback to track progress.
Not every goal equates to training for a marathon, but it can feel just as daunting without support. The universal truth is that any change begins with the first step, followed by the next, they do not need to be massive leaps (should I use the eating the elephant metaphor?).
I invite you to ask yourself these key questions:
·???????? What is happening right now that makes me want a change?
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·???????? What is it I am trying to change?
·???????? Why is this change important to me?
·???????? What has stopped me in the past?
·???????? What will be the impact of this change?
·???????? How do I want to show up for myself (my colleagues, friends, or family) in the future?
·???????? What is my best path to get there?
?Habits and behaviors build over time, slowly so you can not expect them to reverse immediately. The good news is, that once you are aware of what (and why) you want to change and take that first step, the results after that are the ones you create and not ones that have snuck up on you.
?Words matter to motivation, so try some simple ways to rephrase the approach: Replace:
·???????? “Hard” with “challenging”
·???????? “I Can’t” ?with I haven’t yet
·???????? “I should” with “I will” or “I want to”
Thank you for taking the time to reflect with me. ?Reach out if you want to talk more about this topic.