Change Happens in Moments of Courage and Awareness

The guard aimed his machine gun at me. I saw him racking the charging handle.

Not good, I thought, not good at all. He loaded it.

This man was clearly angry. He kept yelling, and I kept not understanding a word.

My mind was racing, and my heart pounding.

This happened years ago at the border between Tibet and Nepal during my backpacking trip after spending time in Lhasa, which was quite different from the peace and serenity of the temples I visited. (Yes, that's me in the picture)

That moment was defining, teaching me that our expressions, attitudes, and mindsets are as critical as our language in conveying a message.

In that intense situation, I had to de-escalate immediately.

Many studies show that you only get half the story if you only listen to words and ignore expressions and body language.

Similarly, you can't build rapport effectively if you’re unaware of how your emotions affect your presence in conversations.

I’ve seen technical engineers, data scientists, and other brilliant minds convey complex concepts perfectly to their audience. When you adapt not just your language but also your attitude, expressions, and tone, you enable others to connect with you, not just your data.

Understanding and navigating both your nonverbal and verbal communication ensures that your technical abilities and personal qualities are appreciated.

If coworkers understand your data but not your ability to lead, inspire, or influence, they miss seeing you for all you are.

Improving communication starts with recognizing the gap between how you think you communicate and how others perceive you.

Ask yourself:

• Are you aware of how you show up in conversations (tone, posture, body language, facial expressions)?
• How do people generally perceive you? Can you recall times when your self-perception differed from how others saw you?
• What adjustments should you make?

If you’re unsure, seek feedback from someone who knows you well to gain clarity.

Here is how to change that:

1. Pause and check in with yourself BEFORE any conversation.
2. Consider what you THINK about the person/people and the subject of discussion.
3. Identify what those thoughts TRIGGER in you: Anger, Disappointment, Frustration, Sadness, Enthusiasm, Passion?

What you carry inside that meeting room will be sensed before you even speak.

This will influence the outcome of your conversation and the way others respond to you.

Unless you do that check-in, especially when tension is high, you won't get the best results for anyone involved.

Change happens in moments.

Moments of courage, aggravation, awareness, and obliviousness shape how you see yourself and who you want to be.

I had to muster what little courage I had not to lose control when that guard pointed his machine gun at me. Through a gentle voice and carefully planned gestures, I conveyed that I made a mistake and meant no harm. The guard understood and let me be.

Now, imagine yourself not at a border crossing but reaching across a conference room table.

Nobody is pointing a gun at you, but you may feel under pressure. To achieve your goals, you must adapt your attitude, language, and behavior to create the rapport you need.

Influence isn't just what you say. It's how you're seen.

What will you do?

PS: Are you facing the same challenges? Is your face giving away more than you’d want to, derailing you and your intentions? Reach out!

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