A change is as good as a rest. A stitch in time saves 9. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

A change is as good as a rest.

A stitch in time saves 9.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

YEP, we’ve heard them all before. Today, I sat on a bench in the sunshine because I wanted to savor the moment of peace, light and warmth and in that moment, I knew them all to be true.?I got this moment of clarity because I was away for a few days, with no-one to look after.

As women, especially Mums, we feel we have to be ON all the time. ON to everyone else’s needs. Always providing, always thinking, always doing and always loving. That’s just not realistic for anyone to be that way ALL THE TIME.

We all need rest, but not just more sleep and bubble baths. Not just the occasional pub meal with our partner, rather than having to cook.

I rarely allow myself time away, overnight, from the kids and home life. This weekend I did and that’s why I now know the above are all true. So, let’s look at them.

1.??????A change is as good as a rest.?

I used to think this was rubbish. No, when I am exhausted, I need rest. Turns out, yes we need rest, but its not enough. We need to be able to come alive again. To feel switched on…or you may say ‘turned on’ by something. Radical, ‘yessssss!!!!!’ type energy. The type that tired Mums very rarely feel. The kind that makes you want to jump up and down or punch the air. Excitement, that inner ‘eeeeeek’ feeling when something really thrills you. Not very British, and not very sensible, responsible Mum or professional like is it? Who the hell cares? If it lights up your life, for goodness sake do it!

2.??????A stitch in time saves 9.

I am not talking about sewing. I believe we need to take time out, as above, to meet our needs on a consistent basis. Not just when we reach the point of no return. I went all the way to complete exhaustion a couple of years ago, and I soldiered on for almost a year feeling like that. Why? Because I was deeply committed to my responsibilities. I didn’t realise that the longer I soldiered on, the worse it was getting for the people and things I cared out, let alone me. ?Mums that invest the time, energy and money into truly understanding their own needs and then get seriously committed to maintaining those ARE the ones who are GREAT MUMS. The martyr-like, soldiering on types like I was, aren’t helping anyone. If you make that stitch now, before you DESPERATELY NEED IT, you will keep being better for the people and causes you love the most. Don’t drag yourself and them down to broken before you take action to get yourself feeling right. And don’t keep telling yourself there is no fix. There is, I promise you. In most cases, the only thing that keeps you feeling stuck are you own thoughts.

3.??????Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Another truth. ‘Oh I couldn’t possibly go away for 2 nights from my children / my partner / my job.’?That feels like the truth, but its just fear. If you take the time away, you come back and see all the great things about the life you found so very hard before. The kids faces (and mine) when we reunited after my weekend away were beaming. We were all so grateful to be back together. Not the fearful, ‘abandoned by my mother’ tearful faces that many of us expect. Nope, happy and grateful. Open to love and rested (from each other and normal life) to reconnect with joy.

4.??????Put your own oxygen mask on first.

I used to scoff at this when sitting next to my kids on a plane. ‘Yeah right, as if!’ I would say. But I now realise its true. You genuinely cannot look after others as well as you otherwise might, if you are not ok. The time away, the replenishment, everything else we’ve discussed above are essential to keeping yourself well enough to be the Mum you want to be. Metaphorically, if you cannot breathe (and let’s face it, that’s what it can feel like sometimes) you will be physically unable to help them. You will become weak, your mind can’t function or think clearly and you will begin to lash out furiously to try to get some air. In family life, when Mum isn’t full up, she can become resentful, snipey, shouting and not the loving, caring mother she dreamed of being. Everything starts with meeting our own needs. Most of us get to such a place with motherhood that we forget we even have needs, let alone knowing what they are. I know I did! It can start simple, by drinking plenty of water and going for a walk on your own. And then, when you realise you can’t do it alone – get some support. Someone like me who has been there and was helped to find the path out. I can take you by the hand and show you how to make the changes you need, to get the life and be the Mum you want to be.

Want to know how? Let’s have a chat.

https://calendly.com/flourishcoachingconsulting/clarityfromchaos