Change is fast - Transition is slow

I have just put the phone down to a colleague but she wasn’t able to talk as she was feeling pretty rough. I sympathised, I have been going through a number of difficult to describe or explain, emotions myself, ranging from tears and tension headaches, to anger and anxiety. It’s confusing. Where we are at the moment is perfectly logical and not beyond my comprehension. There is a world pandemic and to counter its spread, we need to limit personal interaction until we have reached a point where the infection rate has significantly reduced. In the mean time we can all continue to communicate, shop and go out, whilst taking suitable precautions, and even work, Simple. But it’s not simple. It’s really complicated and it takes something more than intellect to make sense of it.

I’ll attempt to explain. We are going through what William Bridges describes in his classic book, as a life transition. As the diagram shows, a change can happen quickly but a transition happens slowly. We human beings need time to digest what has been happening in recent weeks because it has a far reaching emotional impact. Currently most of the world is having to limit social contact to at least some degree, and people are dying at a rate that is x20 higher than the annual deaths from winter flu. Our NHS is struggling, our care homes are overwhelmed, the economy is faltering and what is most difficult to digest, we don’t know when it will end and how life will be then.

The Transition Process

According to Bridges, transition follows a 3 step process: ending, a neutral period and beginning. In relation to the changes brought about by the coronavirus pandemic, we are in the ending phase. We are grieving for the life we had, the routines, the social intimacy, the expectation of predictability and many more givens.

The load on the psyche is huge and, as the diagram suggests, it involves a range of difficult emotional reactions such as denial, shock, anger and frustration. And these emotions don’t necessarily occur in a logical order, they can disappear and return and take us by surprise, they can distort our thinking, so small things become amplified, and things that are really important are ignored. We feel out of control.

Some hardworking people work even harder because this strategy has always helped before, some become focused on a particular aspect of the crisis, like cleanliness, some lose their temper more often, some get depressed and some are obsessively positive so people around them feel there is no space to express their feelings. All responses are perfectly normal grief reactions and Bridges stresses the importance of acceptance of this difficult initial phase of the transition process.

Neutral Zone

As we come to terms with our new set of circumstances and experience life as more manageable, we enter the neutral phase. This is the fertile space between the end and a new beginning. We look back on how life was and contemplate how it now could look. A crucial part of a transition is the need for some quiet space to allow the psyche to work away in the background. In the past many cultures had prescribed rituals for transition like transitioning from being a boy to manhood by spending time away from the tribe and experiencing a time that is neither, where they draw on their internal strength to come through it, renewed. In modern times although we don’t now practice these rituals, Bridges notes that those of us in transition do seem to find ways of switching off and being alone, perhaps walking, or running or swimming, a weekend away or if we are lucky a sabbatical. By doing so we free our minds to process. During this stage it may feel as if there is nothing much happening.

In reality we have much to come to terms with and alternative options to consider. The current lock down is an ideal time for many, to allow themselves to consider how well their previous life fitted and how life on their own terms, could look.

Beginning

Having passed though this neutral zone, which takes as long as it takes and is different for everyone, we realise we have found a new direction. When we have done the necessary internal work, things seem different and we are more open to seeing new possibility. An opportunity presents itself and we grab it because now we can recognise it for what it is. It may not be easy as it can bring us into conflict with others who react to the changes they see in us, so there may be some negotiating to do. To bed down the new sense of ourselves we need support, so looking for allies or mentors who can encourage the new found clarity will help the buds of change to blossom and grow.

Right now in lock down, it is difficult to imagine something so optimistic. First we will need to put in the necessary emotional work, grieving for what was lost and struggling to realign our concepts of who we now are and and what we now want.

Handling the reactions

Allowing these normal emotional reactions are important when making an effective transition. If they remain unacknowledged they may find expression in illness, not an ideal outcome in the present circumstances. I have aways been struck by the fact that physical and emotional manifestations are described by the same word: feelings. Allowing feelings to be expressed permits the transition process to take place. Accepting the current chaos and uncertainty as a natural part of the change process, paradoxically will allow our heads and hearts to pace themselves and ultimately, reach a space that is freer and more resourceful, more quickly. If this work isn’t done, the repressed emotions will manifest later, possibly inappropriately. To give an extreme example, take the sudden, sometimes violent outbursts experienced by soldiers returning from war zones with PTSD Post traumatic stress disorder, where there hasn’t been an opportunity to share their fears and anxieties as the experience unfolds. They must keep fighting no matter what.

Many are struggling.

At the moment the changes are so new, many of us are struggling, but sooner or later we will get to a point where we feel more at ease with the new circumstances. If we are prepared to take each day as it comes and gain greater access to our natural resourcefulness we will be the stronger for the experience. Just surviving a transition can be very encouraging. We can hasten our progress towards this final phase of transition, by allowing the chaos of ending in ourselves and others, with compassion and absence of judgement, now.